How Do I Find Him???

My main reason for joining the E.P. was because I found the sexless marriage group... and I was happy to find a place to vent.

Fact is, I have had sex with my husband less than 5 times this year... and I am lonley, sad, and incredibly horny.
For the first time in my life I am haing erotic dreams almost every night with various men, and it is making my situation worse.

I am constantly craving a certain type of man... at least 6 feet tall.. dark hair... beautiful eyes... slight scruff... athletic/muscular build with an ample endowment, who likes to have hard core, sweaty, needy, passionate sex....all night long!

If I were to have an affair, the man I need would have to live far away, be completey anonymous, clean, and meet all of my criteria...

I know I am living in a dreamworld here, and he probably doesn't even exist... but if he does... how do I find him??
silenttears78 silenttears78
31-35, F
5 Responses Jul 19, 2010

I think guilt from an affair comes from not being honest. I assume you want an affair because your spouse doesn't want to have sex with you anymore (that's why I'm here). So if your spouse has no desire for sex and you have had the talk telling him/her that you still desire and need sex in your life, couldn't you be honest and up front with your spouse that since they have lost the desire for sex and you have tried to live a sexless lifestyle to no avail, that you are in need of a friend with benefits. You don't want to replace your spouse or you would be asking for a divorce. You aren't looking for love or you would be asking for a divorce. You just need intimacy and sex that your spouse has no desire to provide for you. If you were open and up front, would you still feel guilty? If your spouse has no desire for intimacy and sex, why would he/she feel threatened by a friend with benefits for you (intimacy and sex surely are not in their definition of a good marriage since they have obviously thrown that out with the bath water)? Maybe they wouldn't. Just food for thought.

I get so wrapped up in what I am feeling now, that I tend to ignore what I will feel later... does that make any sense?<br />
The affair I had was with an ex of mine, whom I had feelings for, so it was more than just sex.<br />
I had the affair (which consisted of 2 sexual encounters), 2 years before we were married. <br />
As the wedding date got closer, I felt a huge burden of betrayal. It was like if I let him say his vows to me without knowing the truth, then it was all a lie and I was "trapping" him in a marraige, that I wasn't sure he would want, if he knew the truth.<br />
I couldn't go through with it, until I told him everything. <br />
I don't know... my head isn't in a good place right now, I guess.

In your other story you said you had a previous affair but the guilt was too much. Wouldn't the same thing happen again and you wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt?<br />
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There are always lots of men who would love to have no-strings sex with a married women so I'm sure you could find one if you were sure about it. Just need to make sure you don't pick a jerk.

I really, really wouldn't want to get attached.. I wouldn't want to do that to my children/family..<br />
<br />
But when you said "warm body", all that flashed through my mind was lying in bed, next to Mr. Wonderful, all cuddled up... I imagine it would be very hard not to get caught up in the lust of it all.<br />
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Thank you for the reality check :o(

I have never been on craigslist?<br />
<br />
Do you really think it is possible though... to find someone who is physically attractive, NOT a nut job or axe murderer... who would be willing to be 100% anonymous... whoc an actually PERFORM well enough to be worth the risk?<br />
<br />
I love my husband and I don't want to risk getting emotionally attached to another man... I have absolutely no intentions of leaving him... I just can't take it anymore... I NEED to be touched, in every way...