Creating CoincidencesMy life has turned into a steamy soap opera within 24 hours. Yesterday I was pissed off that I was not getting any action in my marriage and by the end of the day, I had plans to meet up with a friend to ameliorate that situation. I had trouble sleeping last night, I was so excited. It didn't hurt that my lover-to-be sent a picture of his rock-hard abs. Dang, he looks fine! I have to get my butt back to the gym and tighten up!
I completely let myself go in the past year or two. I lacked confidence in my ability to do well in my career and lacked confidence in my ability to get laid. I actually gave up on having any physical intimacy ever again about 5 months ago. Until then, I had retained some hope that I'd get my husband sufficiently turned on.
So now, about 15 pounds over my usual weight and with a little flab around the belly, I am rediscovering my confidence and sexuality. The amazing thing is that once I decided I needed to get my sexlessness out into the open (well, somewhat; I've told 3 friends and a bunch of strangers here on EP), I also decided that I deserve some passion. So much is in flux in my life, from career to relationship status to shedding the extra weight of hopelessness. And in the midst of all the uncertainty there is a very real knowledge that this is one of the best times of my life and great things are about to happen.
I feel alive, excited, confident. I am putting makeup on again, because even though I am carrying around some extra pounds I deserve to feel pretty! The amazing thing is that with this acknowledgment that I need passion and the confidence that I can and will release the real me - both physical and emotional - the opportunities are everywhere. This morning a male friend came up to me and hugged me and told me what a beautiful woman I am. My former coworker and soon-to-be lover confessed that he had it bad for me the whole time we worked together...the weird thing about that is when we worked together i was on the downward spiral toward giving up on myself, passion, and happiness.
I may be 15 lbs heavier, but I feel sexier than I have in YEARS. And with that feeling, I seem to be attracting lots of much-wanted and needed attention.
As of last night, I feel like a new woman. A woman whose future is bright and includes a great career and a great love life! And a bunch of question marks around my marriage. I am alright with that. Without those question marks, where would the fun be in life?