I Know I Am Selfish

You are not selfish at all! You feel bad that you don't have those feelings for him and as with me, once those feelings are gone, they're gone for good. I walked around my and my ex-husband's old house feeling guilty all the time about feeling no attraction for my deserving husband. He was great for me and I loved him, but not as a lover. I tried everything, it wouldn't come back. But, I did not want to lose him for my two young children or for his wonderful personality and great sense of humor. He makes me laugh harder than anyone I have ever met. We didn't show the kids anger we didn't fight. I also told him to go out and find a lover and he got so mad. But, he did it anyway, and he got a condo to make love in. I found this out because I am pretty good at investigative work. It comes naturally to me. Still love his humor although he treats me like dirt now. I do not exsist in his life now and he prevents the children from seeing me. You see they live with him. I fought for my kids for over 3 years, close to 4 and they still live with him. I gave all my money to fight my millionare ex for my lovely kids. I couldn't fight anymore because the court was on his side because I had Severe Depression and had ECT and had been in a psych ward twice. Big Stigma with mental illness, even though I became sad or depressed, not Crazy! I was a sad person because my brain did not make the chemicals I needed to keep me on an even keel, I was so so sad, I wanted to die. but I did not. I finally gave up at a biased court who favored my ex and his lies and asked my daughter if she'd like to move in with me on a part time basis. She said no, she's happy at dad's because his house has been her home for 4 years and that's where she is happy now. She does not want to move in with me, nor does she want to even sleep at my house. I am at a loss. they took my daughter kicking and screaming from me and now she won't even spend the night. No, if it crossed your mind, I never called her names or hit her and none of that behavior was allowed in our home. Never. I don't get it, only that my ex has made me seem unsafe which I witnessed him do on a few occasions but didn't think she'd pay too much attention, It must be her father's influence. I didn't want to believe it. But, he's ruthless. I do think he believes nhe made a mistake and wants those days back when I was their primary parent. He's got some work to do to fix the damage he has done.

I can feel for you . My marriage is heading that way. Since the last child was born , mind you that's 15 years ago ours was and is heading down hill.
The relationship is more or less as close friends.
Children is everything to her. Everything has to be tied in with the kids.
Basically no time between us. That's what the problem is and now I feel it's to late for her or me to change

(((Hugs)))

I hope the best for you.
You are so genuine.
You deserve the real feel of love.
You are the river
That washes our hands
You need the rain
That nourishes your current
I wish you the breeze
That can caress your skin
I wish you the sunlight
That can warm your blood
I wish you the touch
That can make you exhale
I wish you the tune
That can lift your glow
I wish you the happines
Only you can have
You know in your heart
What you will do
Always be real
No need to pretend
Have your sweet smile

(((Hugs)))

*oh* in 2013 I find out you’re going through this...how is it now, where are you at this point?

You are always Class and beauty and intelligence.

It takes a strong person to share this.... I know this is an older story but how has things turned out for you? I have been holding back on seeking the release for my urges for 10 yrs. in my mind, I am a ****, in real life, I am unfortunately a chicken ****

Hey I knowjust how you feel. I want to hear someone else's thoughts just too make sure ...

I agree that with old mate, we all have needs and urges!! and the problem some of us go through is those urges have to be acted on!! I understand your situation completely!! I'm feeling rather selfish these days myself!! I hope you figure out someway to make yourself happy either way!!

i really do sympathize, empathize. you and i are so different, but we are women. what i know is this. i do not have affairs. i do have other men than my hubby. it is not because hubby is anything less than what i want, i love him so much and we have a great relationship in all ways...ALL ways. but what i want to tell you is that i do what i wish because it is me. and i offer the same advice to you. always be yourself, do nothing that you would not do with complete willingness and enjoyment. in short, do not have an affair, and do not cheat. you are not that person, sweetheart. you are you, and above all you must always be yourself. thanks for taking the time to share, thanks for reading what i have to say. i do not require anyone to be as i am, nor should you ever try to fit yourself into someone else's mold or ideas. i think you are very special and that is something not everyone can claim for themselves. do not lose that.

We all have needs and deserve to be happy.

Well let me say I am a married man for 34 years, 58 now. When I was 38 had my first chiild second by 40 and an affair after the second child. It went on for 6 years. Now affairs start out of some defect I think we can agree on that. So me
without carrying on felt a sense of entitlement and entered into an affair with a women new in the work place. It began as she became the sounding board for what was going on between my wife and me and consumated with a blow job on our regular lunch date. I got away with that because my boss was never around and I could come and go and I just met her and the sex began.
She really did not do it all the well, but it was sex. We became a **** couple meeting regularly for lunch then on our days off and it just went on and on.
It was revenge sex or just that I could do it. I really like the women never loved her and it ended, it ended horribly that is all I will say. I have no issue doing it again but have not in 10 years it just becomes so much work. My suggestion dont do it at work. If you want to see an affair exactly how they develope and end maybe not as dramaticlly but they do look at the movie Unfaithful

Good luck feel free to respond backl

I wanna bang me fat **** right in your mouth an treat u like a dirty little hore for one night only an then think of it as the best sex of my life for the rest of my life coz it will b dat good girl.... Fancy a bit let me know xxx stay rude u sexy lil mofo xxx

I was watching the movie "The Pursuit of Happiness" where they were quoting Thomas Jefferson. I think they hit on a good point. Happiness is not something we can ever achieve fully, but instead is something we continuously pursue, to seek after. Often times our partners in life stop caring, stop seeking, just exist. We look to our self as there is something wrong with us that we can not be happy. Yet how many times is it our partners have stopped supporting? And of course the person that is the lazy one is going to blame the one that actually does the work in the relation. Time to kick your partner in the *** and get them moving again.

LR, do you have little kids? They are generally the ones that suffer the most from marriage probblems. I've been divorced a long time, but my kids were grown and gone before it happend. I still have a good relationship with my kids and x, I see them often.

Sometimes marriages just run out of gas, that's what happend to me.

I wish you the best of luck, everyone deserves alittle love.

That is why people should not marry only because they love that person. Grass will always be greener on the other side. Wife left me for the same reason and i am in deep pain. Nevertheless, what comes around goes around.

just dunno what to say......



when love leaves the windows

of the heart.... it almost never

returns.... as if with vengeance,

ever to balm, console and heal

the deep felt hurts, aches & pain..........

well written. I understand ur feelings

I don't hate you, sometimes things like this just turn out that way and you fall out of love with someone or they can't take care of your needs but its life people change. You are not the first or will be the last to have this happen all that really matters is if your happy or not.

That's a sentiment shared by many....

If you feel that way, why don't you just break it up? That seems the most logical and more importantly ethical thing to do.



I mean, if you're already into somebody else then why bother?

This could only cause serious problems later on.

The first step is to be selfish. If you don't minister to yourself, how can you minister to others? How are you to love others if you don't love yourself. You may love someone with all your heart, but just not exclusively. You may love someone forever, yet be unable to live under the same roof with them. Sometimes, you want the one you love to be dependent and less than can be, so that you feel safe, in control, and in full possession of the object of your affection.

For each cause there is an effect. For each action there is consequence.

It's possible but not certain that these thoughts and actions are helping your relationship more than they are hurting it.

Live your life so that at the end, there is no regret.

Disclaimer: I am a virgin, and ill at ease with any kind of real world intimacy.

Go out there and find yourself some love!!! You can do it, and make no apologies to anyone! Good for you in doing something for your happiness!

You should never ignore the inner beauty that you have. It deserves to be nurtured and respected. I see no reason for you to feel guilty about beingt the woman God made you to be.

This is never to be considered selfish....

Nothing to do with selfishness and what does his parents and siblings have to do with your feelings, no way. You can’t live under others expectations or what you should be or act.



Trust, be and do what your heart says.

I don't think that you are selfish. Most relationshipe are over before sex is being denied by one or both . Sometime an affair can ignite feelings in a person that have been missing for a long time. I was the one that was cheated on and I think in hindsight that I do not blame them or anyone for wanting what they are not getting at home.

Currently on the same tour.... Love can die more then I thought so.. We some how many of us painfully can't let go.. Long for love and passion and fell guilty for wanting it. The one we had it with or may have had it with we can't get it back. I don't even remember how mine got so bad its just one day you realize it is..

When people are not happy at home, they go where ever they can be happy! Totally understandable! Good luck!

It is sad.

Good luck with everything.

Sometimes, it is not easy to let go of someone you don't feel anything for,

sometimes we believe it is easy and that we wont be hurt we believe, but, the reality is that

if you don't feel any sexual attraction, any care any love, then is over, and you must live single

again. You can't live all your life with someone who you don't love or it is not making your feel loved. This is the same way he feels, or, the best is to have a good talk, and try to restart your love engine again, before you do something, that you may regret for the rest of your life, and If it doesn't work, then you go on your way, and he goes on your way. it is not easy.

You are not selfish you are human. Good luck to you.