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My Wife Has "fun" Without Me, Maybe I Should Too

My wife allows me sex "whenever" I want with the conditions that
- she is not tired
- she is not sleepy
- the children are sleeping
- the house is clean
- it is right time of her month
..... quite usual things, but the list goes on
- there are no friends for her to chat on facebook
- when she is not cooking some delicacy that might take hours
- no famous people getting married, engaged, divorced
- when no new houses for sale in the area
- when she is not watching 40 hours drama series

In summary, sex was such an unimportant for her, no sex for me, she have a lot fun without me ... I need someone who cares about my sexual need. I am dreaming about having an affair ...
SydneyTony SydneyTony 31-35, M 7 Responses Sep 28, 2011

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Gosh this is awful. I think you have to challenge her. This whole sh** with cooking and having friends over and TV and online has to stop, make her choose a marriage with you or a marriage with her crap. Before you confront her, get this clear in your head. Think about your options of divorce, once you have thought this through, you are no longer scared about this and you can bargain much calmer. You must make clear in a calm strong voice that she is to make a big decision which she will regret if she isn't paying attention. Do something radical. She sounds so complacent that she needs to get a real tough warning shot to wake up. Married life is not about having friends over and get credits for good cooking.<br />
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But you need to also check up on yourself and look at your history. Has she ever enjoyed sex? Has she ever been more like a dead fish in bed? If there was any change to the worse, you need to consider how your marital dynamics has influenced this. If it was ever better, chances are it can be really good again. <br />
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But heck, with affairs you won't fix your life, you need to take it up-front. You need to get out of dead fish home and get a life. But first focus 100% on fixing your marriage. Make it or break it. Don't dabble outside, it is not time yet.

I can totally 100% relate to the feeling expressed above! <br />
And those who have written above about "flirting and making her feel good and sexy etc etc" mmmmm at least when I try to do that, she just jumps to the conclusion I want sex - end of story - so like most other personal attributes I had which have been worn over the years, am afraid this flirting and make feel good attributes are also being eroded like waves of the sea washing away the shore line......slowly but surely :( <br />
(btw, I am not saying she is a bad wife! Oh no! Just affection, love or sex in her book are over rated and doesn't feel the need to show or receive - oh hum)

I can totally 100% relate to the feeling expressed above! <br />
And those who have written above about "flirting and making her feel good and sexy etc etc" mmmmm at least when I try to do that, she just jumps to the conclusion I want sex - end of story - so like most other personal attributes I had which have been worn over the years, am afraid this flirting and make feel good attributes are also being eroded like waves of the sea washing away the shore line......slowly but surely :( <br />
(btw, I am not saying she is a bad wife! Oh no! Just affection, love or sex in her book are over rated and doesn't feel the need to show or receive - oh hum)

Are you just sitting there expecting sexxy time??<br />
Have you made her feel good about herself... compliment her.. buy her something nice..<br />
Women want more attention from their husbands than 40 hour drama serials..<br />
<br />
I bet you if you flirt with her take her out.. make her feel like shes the only hottest thing in your life.. you just watch things change..<br />
<br />
She'll jump you in bed everytime!

Are you just sitting there expecting sexxy time??<br />
Have you made her feel good about herself... compliment her.. buy her something nice..<br />
Women want more attention from their husbands than 40 hour drama serials..<br />
<br />
I bet you if you flirt with her take her out.. make her feel like shes the only hottest thing in your life.. you just watch things change..<br />
<br />
She'll jump you in bed everytime!

&gt;&gt;&gt; Women want more attention from their husbands than 40 hour drama serials &lt;&lt;&lt;
I could stop her movie, but then it will feel more like necrophilia than "usual" ... she seemed to enjoy sex and get the big O almost every time, but she rarely move any muscle voluntarily. I have to move her limbs to do our things very fixed schedule now, some sucks and tongue bath, go down on her till her done, then missionary till I done - she want the last state last as short as possible --- I envy all men who have chance to worry about their early-E

Are you serious? Flirt with her, have fun with her. Break all her rules in a fun and joyful manner for a few days, letting her know that she's in your crosshairs. In bed go for it and if not successful be cool, calm and collected. Then arrange for child care, take her out on a date, check into hotel (reserve room), and get busy. Then follow it up. Persevere.

Occasionally, we do went out or send the kids away; and she have so much fun doing her things so that sex is obviously out of question.... example, the last time we were staying at a beach house, she called some friends over and cook some disk late into the night

damn does she know how you feel about the lack of sex?

yes, she does know, but she is too busy with "other" things to do anything nor care about it

Here is a question, and please do not take offense: Is personal hygiene important to you? Is your breath fresh, your private area manscaped and clean? Do you take pride in how you look and dress? Are you spontaneous and fun? Or like many husbands, do you give the obigatory boob squeeze, married for 100 years closed mouth peck and expect her to be hot for you? Just sayin'.

no, I think it is a fair question, I am not a metrosexual but I am quite sure that I am clean enough ... but I am sort of give-up now