I Think About Having An Affair

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By: XxBlackCat100xX

Written on June 18th, 2012

I honestly dont even know why I am expressing myself on this page tonight to be totally honest with you all,that may be the reason why I cant even think of a proper title,for my story.I admit I have been part of this group for a few weeks but havent written anything up until now,I have read the stories but personally I havent known what to say for myself,for those of you who know me you will know that I am in a 21 month relationship with my partner,a older man there are 25 years between us,the age gap has never bothered me it is not a problem,my partner is a good man,a little selfish and narrow minded and ignorant at times but still a good man who does his best to look after me,when I first met him,he stole my heart I honestly thought that I had met my soulmate,but time has passed and we seem to be losing our bond,we simply dont seem to have fun together anymore,we hardly ever have sex about once a month and when we do it feels like its just happening to get it over and done with,he openly looks at other women and that hurts me,he never makes me feel beautiful in all the time that we have been together he has never made me feel beautiful,the very 1st time we had sex it was truly amazing i had never been touched the way he touched me,and now he hardly ever does and it breaks my heart,ive tried talking to him and asking him to tell me what is wrong but he simply says that there isnt a problem,maybe he honestly doesnt think that there is a problem.I sometimes believe that he never found me attractive not even from the start,if that was the case i wish he had been honest and simply told me.I have tried to "spice" our relationship up but that hasnt worked either.So yes I do think of having an affair simply because of the passion and excitment that I imagine would be involved,I want to be made to feel beautiful and attractive.I must press that I would never have a affair whilst i was still with my partner because even tho I do think of it now,they are just thoughts if I ever got to the position where I was expressing my needs with another man then that would be the end of my relationship with my partner it would be wrong of me to expect him to forgive me or live with the knowledge of what I had done.

Forgive me if this seems like a rant on my behalf, I just needed to get it off my chest,I would be grateful for any commentsor advice.

By: XxBlackCat100xX

Age: 22-25 , Female

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10 responses

davemarch

sounds you found a good place to vent. hopefully you have found some inner peace. if you need someone to talk to just let me know.

Apr 29
1 like
solarstruck

Sometimes I feel that I cant wait any longer, but then tomorrow has a surprise. This might not be relevant....... Have you ever noticed a photo album always has happy photos in them. You hardly ever see the sad photos, you don't save or even take photos of times when things are not easy. You might be between photos.

There are days when I just want someone to touch me, or I just want to be able to touch someone other than my wife, but ironically on those days there would be no-one even close enough to consider that as an option.

Jun 21, 2012
1 like
solarstruck

What I have noticed is that we are constantly chasing the next big thing. First to finish school, then getting qualified, meeting someone, having sex for the first time, landing your first job, buying a car, having a long standing relationship, getting married, buying a house, maybe not all in that order, but in steps none the less. There comes a time however when the steps come to an end. Life does not have to be boring, but the next big event to chase becomes something that needs to be chased and does not just appear as they used to. Maybe your husband has reached the final frontier where excitement becomes a challenge. this does not imply that he is not happily married. He may be happy, he may finally just be content. You are still young and therefor not in the same spot as far as challenges and excitement is concerned. Being married is hard work and I have to admit even though I am happily married have considered having an affair as well. It just happens that way......... It does not mean it is right, exciting yes maybe. that one time, but what then........might be that I am just over thinking this whole thing....

Jun 21, 2012
1 like
- XxBlackCat100xX
  thanks for such a detailed answer,you clearly put alot of thought into it.
  
  Jun 21, 2012
  1 like
- solarstruck
  detail does not always help. It would be great to let me know if your day is better tomorrow...
  
  Jun 21, 2012
  1 like
blacklingerie0

I'd like to wish you the best of luck in finding happiness.

Please feel free to write me anytime.

-Crystal

Jun 19, 2012
1 like
surajanitha

truely speaking your story sound just like mine only difference is that there is a man and over here is the woman i to would love to have a affair....

Jun 19, 2012
1 like
blacklingerie0

Could it be that your relationship between you has come to and end and you don't wish to admit it?

Think of how wonderful it would be find someone who made you feel the way your partner originally did, only all the time!

Jun 18, 2012
2 likes
- XxBlackCat100xX
  sometimes i do think that what you have said is true,i keep waiting for things to get better,but how long do i wait?
  
  Jun 19, 2012
  2 likes
- lauraCD805
  Thats how i feel at times. My wife and have grown appart. For exampke i kissed the back of her neck and it made her feel uncomfortable.so she walked away and i told her that i want to make love. She said she does want to since i make he feel guilty. I was amazed she said that s after she left the computer room i was sad and laied my head back on the desk. That was a couple of days ago and i have been giving her the defensive treatment since i feel hurt.
  
  Apr 30
  1 like

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