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Thinking About It

we've only been married for about 4 years but i am miserable. My husband is so verbally abusive and tells me i'm dumb, i'm getting fat etc. He doesn't work and has me to where i am afraid to leave him. I know i should leave blah blah blah but it isn't an option right now.

i just want to feel wanted again. and have sex. I can't even remember the last time i had sex! I'm only 27! but mostly i just want someone who will apprecaite me. A little fun would make me feel soooooooooo good.. i have the opportunity to do it..it's just taking that step.
deleted deleted 26-30 21 Responses Sep 5, 2012

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I am 28 and going thru the same exact thing and I think use girls in our 20's need to step up, be strong and leave. I read countless times of people in their 40's or 50's that always say "they wish they would have known to leave when they were young". If only we could be wise and listen to their advice. I know its hard and I too am scared of leaving and being alone without the financial security and possible lonliness. Be strong and start doing things for yourself like refraining from yelling and getting hurt by his comments. Laugh them off. I have started exercising b/c he always picked on my weight and now he HATEES that I exercise. LITTLE THINGS go a longgg way! Hang in there and get YOURSELF stronger and ready to leave.

I HATE TO HEAR YOUR SAD SORRY, TO BE 27 AGAIN I WOULD FEEL THAT I COULD RULE THE WORLD. YOUR 'HUSBAND WILL NOT GET ANY BETTER. A ZEBRA NEVER LOSE OR CHANGE STRIPES. ONCE ANY *** HE WILL ALWAYS BE AN ***. YOU MUST TELL YOUR SELF EACH DAY THAT YOU ARE SPECIAL AND THAT YOU DESERVE WHAT GOD HAS PROMISED YOU. AND THAT PROMISE IS JOY. DON'T BASE YOUR LIFE ON SEX. BASE IT ON HAPPINESS. SEX CAN BE FOUND IN MANY PLACES, BUT IS IT WITH THE PERSON THAT YOU WANT. DO THAT PERSON LOOK AT YOU IN THE EYES AND TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE GREAT. AND YOU ARE THE SEXY WOMAN IN HIS LIFE. WHEN YOU TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MATE NO MATTER HOW LARGE YOU MIGHT BE OR THINK YOU ARE. IN HIS EYES YOU SHOULD STILL BE THE SEXY ****** LADY HE HAS EVER SEEN. DON'T PLAY YOUR SELF SHORT BUY A VOWEL AND GET A CLUE. GOD WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN AND EVER LEAVE YOU. FIND SELF LOVE FIRST BEFORE YOU CONTINUED TO JUST TAKE ANY KIND OF LOVE FROM AN ***. BEST LUCK YOUR LADY. DON'T WASTE THE YEARS GOD HAVE GIVEN YOU. MAKE IT RIGHT.

Girl, you need to get the hell outta there!

You need to leave him my wife was marryed to a guy like your husband an it took her a while to get over that carzynees we have been marryed for 11 years an I treat her like the queen she is an when we do fight in the 11 years we been together I have never called her out her name you can do bad all by your self I know is going to be hard starting over but the longer you stay with him the more his going to break you an make you belive nobody is going to want you your better than that

You're afraid to leave cause hes got you afraid? But you're not afraid of him finding out about you wanting/having an affair? And that seems reasonable to you? Do you ever think about what might happen if he finds out? Also You're better off to put you both out of your misery. If hes calling you names...hes hurting too and is feeling something.. Hurting ppl hurt ppl. . If you once felt anything ...talking to each other about how u really feel is the best option. If you cant or dont communicate ...there is no relationship. I also believe marriage as well as divorce is in the heart. If you say it but dont act like it . Its a lie. Also . Its Illegal to have affairs. Its called adultery. So think about whats really best for you. Listen to what makes sense to you but at least look at all your options VS one. The most merciful thing to do is leave. Just some food for thought.

go for it!!

Abusers never "get it." Their abusive behavior demonstrates a lack of the empathy "gene."

If you genuinely are not happy in your marriage, and you have made all reasonable efforts to repair the situation, it is probably best that you seek a divorce with maturity, dignity and consideration for all involved. Don't go out and betray your marriage and your family - that is immature and shortsighted. Once you are properly divorced, then date appropriately (i.e., not married individuals). Deception and betrayal do nothing but rot you from the inside and ultimately undercut your own sense of self-respect, a fact that most of the coconuts on this chat board don't understand.

Feeling guilty about something, cooter? Individuals like you may not want to realize it, but we all have a duty of care to third parties, whether we personally know them or not. Indeed, without a duty of care, "the 1%" like me have free reign to exploit and loot "the 99%" like you without creating a moral problem for ourselves. Be careful what you advocate, because you leave yourself wide open to being victimized without redress -- moral, legal or otherwise. [btw, your moral relativism is clearly in line with the bulk of the coconuts on this chat board. Also, I am not religious at all -- you probably assume that I am some religious nut spouting on about Jesus; far from it].

Solid advice AmericaninHongKong.

To Tjscooter: happiness isn't a result of getting whatever you think you want whenever you want it. Only a fool would deny the fact that some actions inevitably result in happiness while others result in misery. You can't interchange the two just because it's conveneient to your belief system or lack therof. Even if you don't believe in morals, you still have to live with the consequences of your actions. That's not even religion, that's basic cause and effect. In other words, be honest with people from the start, and you'll save yourself a lot of trouble sorting out the lies in the long run.

I would have to agree with Ashley30free

You need to think hard at either getting therapy or end the relationship.

If I can add a little perspective to your comment...my best friend recently cheated on her husband and I have watched as everything around them has become destroyed...If you are that unhappy leave him! Cheating doesn't solve anything it only makes things worse!

I know what your feeling. I have the chance to stray as well but I can't. As much as I love the attention I get from a certain person I don't think I could go through with it. I would probably feel so guilty. It's just nice to have someone flirt with you,and tell you your beautiful. For the moment this man at my job boosts my confidence if even only a little.

I'm also thinking about it, single but she is married. At first I am surprised that I would hesitate but the sound of little footsteps from her kids upstairs definitely turned me off. That so very tight skirt around her thin waist and her pose with the packages on the floor and her legs straight giving me a great view for what seemed like an eternity . . . But those footsteps from carefree play, NO.

Get yourself and the kids out NOW. Then turn him in.

im in Kent, what about you?

First things first. You need to find a safe place to go and then go, and then contact the police and tell them he has threatened to kill you. Do you have family to take you in? Forget about any affair until you resolve this situation.

I would suggest taking your child(ren) to a safe place inform the police about him and that he has threatened you, You don't feel safe and are afraid to leave. <br />
Leave him before it is too late, it may just be verbal now but are you willing to take the chance of you or your child(ren) getting hurt? You have to be strong and do what you need to do! I hope nothing bad happens in the meantime and hopefully get better for you, But don't wait too long on him, clearly he isn't taking the time of day to love you like he should.<br />
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Think about it sweety, You don't deserve to be treated that way. No one does. Be strong :)

You have a restricted profile and nobody can message you or add you to their circle.

What if he did find out? I know you think he won't but what if? What about your kid? How would it affect him? How would it go down if he did find out? What if he finds out and *he* leaves *you?* Sounds good, right? Well, maybe. But then there would have to be a divorce, right? Is that what you're afraid of? Or is it having such a young kid and uprooting him? What is the worst case scenario here?<br />
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Now, to be clear I won't tell you to do this and I won't tell you not to do it. That wouldn't make a damn bit of difference if I did. You're going to do what you believe you need to do and that's not going to be affected by someone you talk to online from time to time. But these are all questions you need to ask. And you need to know the answers. And then if you're going to do it you need to be prepared for the worst case scenario to play out. If you're not and it does you'll be devastated and confused. You know that. You won't know what to do. It seems like you will but everything changes in that one moment. Everything.<br />
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Do what you're going to do. You're an adult. But for God's sake, know what you're getting into.<br />
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Oh, one more thing. There are *always* feelings and emotions involved. Don't fool yourself into thinking it's just harmless sex. It won't be. Guarantee. That's not how it works.

Well then do you think the worst case scenario here would be different?

What could you loss except him if he found out. Would that be a big loss???? I don't think so. You would not be the first women who has had sex outside of marriage. Go for it Sweetheart, good luck to you

Sucky position you are in. You have children too? Not a good way to raise a child by having him witnessing how his father abuses his mother. Good luck.