Happy Everywhere But The Bedroom

Let me start by saying that I am 100% in love with my wife. I could not imagine a better companion, confidant, and partner in the world than her. We have beautiful children and make a spectacular team in ALMOST every way. Unfortunately, the one area where we sometimes struggle is in the bedroom. I am a very expressive and sensual person, eager to try new things and constantly looking to make things more interesting for us both. She is a very straight laced, love it one way, and finish very quickly type of person. She can go weeks between sessions, days are long for me.

For her, it's not a big deal. She experiences intimacy in many other ways. Talking, cuddling, or simply spending time together. However, for me (and most men), intimacy is best experienced through sex. The more sex, the closer we get. I feel the most connected when we are pressed together, having just finished, our hearts still racing. At that moment, I could never imagine being with another women. But those moments are few and far between. And in between them, I have to admit, my mind runs wild.

During one of those times, my marriage was in a rough patch. My wife was traveling quite a bit and struggling with substance abuse. I had all the responsibility of holding our family together, with none of the benefits of having a wife. I started chatting with another married woman online, and after a few weeks, we decided to meet. I hate to admit it, but our night together was incredible. No inhibitions, just passion and pleasure until we were both finally satiated. We confided in each other that we loved our spouses and did not want to harm our families, but we had incredible needs that were not being met. She really wanted to keep meeting, but I instantly felt guilty. I called it off and never spoke to her again.

After that, I started seeing a counselor, and with help, I got my wife back to being healthy again. I never told her about the affair, but it tore me up inside. She may have known anyway. We had an unspoken "clean slate" from that time period though, so we never discussed it. Since that time, I have had numerous opportunities to cheat, but I have resisted them and been careful not put myself into compromising situations. It seems like my wife and I have less and less time for each other, and this has caused my mind and eyes to wander.

Recently, I have taken to sex chats online. This seems to fulfill the urges temporarily, but they keep coming back, and sometimes get stronger. Because of my position, an affair would be pretty easy to do, but I am desperately avoiding this.

How can I be so happy in every area, except my sex life? Does anyone else experience this? I hate the thought of hurting my wife, but my needs and urges are creating this constant conflict.
localyocal localyocal
36-40, M
Dec 6, 2012