Biblicaly, We Are Already Having An Affair. "worldy", We're NotIf we think about having an affair, according to sc
Let's face it, if the perfect situation arose where we had "perfect" cover-up and there was no way to hurt kids or interfere with our busy schedules too much, we'd do it. But, because that perfect situation will probably never arise for many of us, we don't consider ourselves cheaters? Well, I'm not lying to myself. My wife doesn't reach for me to initiate anything and has never offered oral sex in our 17 years of knowing each other. I love giving her oral and tried the strategy of withholding that earlier in our marriage, among a million other strategies that many of us have all tried and failed. We all want to justify "why" and we need to in a forum like this because we're all sorta writers at heart.
In fact, that's what makes this forum unique. We all have certain things in common. Number one, we're all a bit "techy". At least to the degree that we know how to use a search engine, register, type and create a secondary email that our spouse would not see so easily. So this forum definitely rules out my mother-in-law, who doesn't even know how to turn on a computer. Number two, we're all writers to a certain degree. We're all a bit social/dramatic/creative. I might not be using the right terms there, but we each have a need for each other. We each crave a bit of feedback and we each like to express our emotions publicly/anonymously. We're dreamers/hopeless romantics. There's something lacking in our spouses that doesn't fill that need in us to be "lusted" after. There's no awesome excuse for most of us. I say "most" because I know the one I read about her husband hitting her has a VERY good excuse to want out. But most of us feel guilty that we can't be thankful for what we have. We all have a touch of "the grass is always greener" syndrome. Should we feel guilty about this? If so, why? Because we're worried about what our gossiping, loud mouth neighbor would think about us (because we all know she's perfect) or what would our mom or dad think? Are we worried about what God may be thinking? I'd say "Yes" for most of us. That's the big one. We're sinners, we know it and we're still here anyway. Why?
Because we all want something that we feel we are missing. We don't feel whole. We don't feel fully loved. How many of you have read the "I had an affair" experiences? Me too and they scare the **** out of me. One man says he's so upset with himself and he ruined his family and lost everything he had. It was the worst mistake of his life. Well that sums it up. If we had a "scale of justice" in front of us that had the capability to weigh incredible oral sex by each of our "dream lovers" on one side and the weight of 15 years of marriage with the happiness of 3 kids on the other side, which one would would outweigh the other. Don't they make toys that could simulate the feel of good sex? (no seriously, do they because I would be interested in that and haven't looked. It would need to be able to be hidden in a draw through) So what are we really missing. We all want to be wanted the way we want to be wanted. If we cut out our drinking habits, the movies or books that make us feel we are missing something, internet "adult" videos and replacing them with "more pure" material, would we still feel this way? What about the friends we hang out with. Do you have friends that are having successful affairs and tell you that it's great? Do you have single friends getting laid all the time that tell you it's great?
Even after writing all of this, I still feel the addictive cravings of licking, gripping, sucking and nibbling every inch of my "dream lovers" body (I have an oral fixation) . Part of it is because I know I'm still in good shape and like the idea of having her admire my body (vanity). Another is showing off my sensuality that has been building up in me for so long. Some of it is to sin just to sin. I know it's wrong and I want that much more (human nature). Some of it is revenge for my wife withholding what should be rightfully mine (I deserve).
But what if I got caught? What if I couldn't be there for my sweet little kids when they wake up sick in the middle of the night and need me to help them to the bathroom, clean them up, clean up their sheets and tell them I love them and I'll take them to the doctor tomorrow. What if I ended up in an apartment and some other guy took my place in my house. And what if that guy turned out to be a sicko. I'd never forgive myself. I could potentially ruin 5 lives all at once (including my own). And for what? 5 minutes of moist heat and a few tingles? Or is it more than that? How can I feel wanted and why is it important to me? Is it important enough to ruin all that I have and have worked for most of my life?
Life is long and hard and beats the crap out of sometimes, but we have to ask ourselves what we REALLY love and what we must do to keep what's real. If we constantly surround ourselves with fantasy, we'll lose reality and won't remember what it is until it lands on our face in the form of a judge and a court decision. Let's make sure we ask ourselves "real" questions everyday to balance out our "fantasy". I'll start. What does "love" mean to you? Define "love"? The Bible does it simply. "God is love". He defined love through the incredible sacrifice of His son for others. Love is sacrifice. That's what we need to remind ourselves. Love is not selfish and is not blind, even if our spouses may have lost site of that. Does that mean we have to also?