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Biblicaly, We Are Already Having An Affair. "worldy", We're Not

If we think about having an affair, according to scripture, we've already committed adultery. Which, quite frankly, is fine by me. I've found over time that it's so much better to be honest to yourself than to ride the fence and play game in your own head. "Know thyself".

Let's face it, if the perfect situation arose where we had "perfect" cover-up and there was no way to hurt kids or interfere with our busy schedules too much, we'd do it. But, because that perfect situation will probably never arise for many of us, we don't consider ourselves cheaters? Well, I'm not lying to myself. My wife doesn't reach for me to initiate anything and has never offered oral sex in our 17 years of knowing each other. I love giving her oral and tried the strategy of withholding that earlier in our marriage, among a million other strategies that many of us have all tried and failed. We all want to justify "why" and we need to in a forum like this because we're all sorta writers at heart.

In fact, that's what makes this forum unique. We all have certain things in common. Number one, we're all a bit "techy". At least to the degree that we know how to use a search engine, register, type and create a secondary email that our spouse would not see so easily. So this forum definitely rules out my mother-in-law, who doesn't even know how to turn on a computer. Number two, we're all writers to a certain degree. We're all a bit social/dramatic/creative. I might not be using the right terms there, but we each have a need for each other. We each crave a bit of feedback and we each like to express our emotions publicly/anonymously. We're dreamers/hopeless romantics. There's something lacking in our spouses that doesn't fill that need in us to be "lusted" after. There's no awesome excuse for most of us. I say "most" because I know the one I read about her husband hitting her has a VERY good excuse to want out. But most of us feel guilty that we can't be thankful for what we have. We all have a touch of "the grass is always greener" syndrome. Should we feel guilty about this? If so, why? Because we're worried about what our gossiping, loud mouth neighbor would think about us (because we all know she's perfect) or what would our mom or dad think? Are we worried about what God may be thinking? I'd say "Yes" for most of us. That's the big one. We're sinners, we know it and we're still here anyway. Why?

Because we all want something that we feel we are missing. We don't feel whole. We don't feel fully loved. How many of you have read the "I had an affair" experiences? Me too and they scare the **** out of me. One man says he's so upset with himself and he ruined his family and lost everything he had. It was the worst mistake of his life. Well that sums it up. If we had a "scale of justice" in front of us that had the capability to weigh incredible oral sex by each of our "dream lovers" on one side and the weight of 15 years of marriage with the happiness of 3 kids on the other side, which one would would outweigh the other. Don't they make toys that could simulate the feel of good sex? (no seriously, do they because I would be interested in that and haven't looked. It would need to be able to be hidden in a draw through) So what are we really missing. We all want to be wanted the way we want to be wanted. If we cut out our drinking habits, the movies or books that make us feel we are missing something, internet "adult" videos and replacing them with "more pure" material, would we still feel this way? What about the friends we hang out with. Do you have friends that are having successful affairs and tell you that it's great? Do you have single friends getting laid all the time that tell you it's great?

Even after writing all of this, I still feel the addictive cravings of licking, gripping, sucking and nibbling every inch of my "dream lovers" body (I have an oral fixation) . Part of it is because I know I'm still in good shape and like the idea of having her admire my body (vanity). Another is showing off my sensuality that has been building up in me for so long. Some of it is to sin just to sin. I know it's wrong and I want that much more (human nature). Some of it is revenge for my wife withholding what should be rightfully mine (I deserve).

But what if I got caught? What if I couldn't be there for my sweet little kids when they wake up sick in the middle of the night and need me to help them to the bathroom, clean them up, clean up their sheets and tell them I love them and I'll take them to the doctor tomorrow. What if I ended up in an apartment and some other guy took my place in my house. And what if that guy turned out to be a sicko. I'd never forgive myself. I could potentially ruin 5 lives all at once (including my own). And for what? 5 minutes of moist heat and a few tingles? Or is it more than that? How can I feel wanted and why is it important to me? Is it important enough to ruin all that I have and have worked for most of my life?

Life is long and hard and beats the crap out of sometimes, but we have to ask ourselves what we REALLY love and what we must do to keep what's real. If we constantly surround ourselves with fantasy, we'll lose reality and won't remember what it is until it lands on our face in the form of a judge and a court decision. Let's make sure we ask ourselves "real" questions everyday to balance out our "fantasy". I'll start. What does "love" mean to you? Define "love"? The Bible does it simply. "God is love". He defined love through the incredible sacrifice of His son for others. Love is sacrifice. That's what we need to remind ourselves. Love is not selfish and is not blind, even if our spouses may have lost site of that. Does that mean we have to also?

deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Jan 13, 2013

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Man cannot live on bread alone.

Be fruitful and multiply

Written in the age and culture where polygamy was the norm and women had no right. And probably didn't have population overgrowth and environmental problems stemming from that, like we do now..

Even the Satan, the Devil, was an angel… but he/she/it WAS an angel.

This life is only a prologue to the eternal life..

If someone is starving, cannot feed him/herself, and tried and tried and tried. would you condemn him/her for stealing a piece of bread here and there?

These are the thoughts that went through my mind…

Leviticus.. ? where people did what they want..

Sometimes I wonder if we are just 'bots' created by some nerds in 4th dimension or something.. and we just became a bit more emotionally intelligent

God said Let US make man in our image

Sorry, I babble.

Man has a way to justify his behavior.

I feel your desire and reservations. I have been in my relationship for a decade and its been a rocky road but kids later here we are at a junction. My partner only does vanilla sex, barely even talking to me most of the time and never wanting to venture far from bedroom (missionary) sex. He'd go at it every night if he could and its not like the sex s bad but..... I've never had such dull sex. Previous partners and I have been kinky and daring from time to time. Outdoor sex is such a turn on, a real thrill, and my partner just won't hear of it. At all. I know many people will find this deplorable but I'm on the verge of an affair with a guy who also has a 'list' of ticked off locations and is looking to tick of more. We've met a couple of times and I've been soo up for it but the issues you describe above have been weighing me down. I can't face another ten years of vanilla sex, hell I can't hardly face it again this week. I need more excitement. This guy is discreet but I no when/if I cross this metaphorical line there will be no going back. Good luck on your quest to get oral, I feel your frustrations at not being sexually fulfilled. The way I see it is that you get one shot at life and I don't want to spend it living a life of regret.. If you've tried every method of persuasion (as I have) and your partner has categorically refused to give you what you need then why not find a discreet partner to fulfil this need. Should your partner be able to stop you having such pleasures ever again?truthfully I don't think I could cope with that.

I so wish that i could find the answer that would allow me to fulfill the longing to be desired and wanted, but at the same time keep my family and marriage secure .

wow!! just couldnt stop reading it trying to find answers...

Thanks for your story ...

It does seem that you're asking for acknowledgement, if not approval for your feelings of disappointment - and then an understanding perhaps for some resentment you're expressing toward your partner for leaving you hanging, so to speak.

There will not be justification for having an affair, seeking out the comforts of what paid-for-sex may provide for only a few minutes of 'moist heat and tingles,' or for that matter casting your wife in a selfish light to justify your thoughts to cheat on the marriage.

There must be more to it than simply that she won't give you a blow job. On that score, your wife probably isn't going to develop an appetite for it after all this time if she's never been that way inclined. Some women just don't find it appealing - as some men just don't find going down on a woman appealing either. Have you had the conversation with her?

The word "love" means so many different things .... At one time we use it to describe a romantic or sexual feeling, at other times to talk about divine or impersonal affinity. There are moments where love seems to be one thing, but at other moments it appears to be something quite different.
We want to be sure of "love", to nail it down, so that it won't elude us - we reach conclusions, make agreements about it, gather from dictionaries and books of faith various definitions and philosophies, we call it by many names, with their special meanings - we talk about 'my love', just as we talk about 'my property', 'my family', 'my virtue', and we hope to lock it away safely , so that we can turn to other things and lock them away safely too.

It's such a personal thing ... all subject to opinion and depending on conditioning, background, depending on one's narrow or wide point of view - all just words really. I find the writings and talks of an Indian speak, J.Krishnamurti resonate for me .... he speaks about love and all things Life in quite an unorthodox way ... looking at what it is Not one sees perhaps what it Is, for instance. It is without religious affiliation that he speaks .. It may be worth checking out ... at least as a distraction ...

thk 4 sharong