I Could Cheat On Her Or Build A Workbench

For some guys the choice is that easy. They are slick and handsome and the only justification they need is "they can get away with it without getting caught so why not?". Cheating is like breathing for some guys. They do it out of boredom and can just as easily play a game of pickup basketball or golf instead. Basically, they are built to have affairs. No conscience or issues with it and they can move on to someone else in the drop of a hat if it gets tricky. If I had to sterotype the older version of this type of guy, he usually has money and was in a frat in college that taught him the tricks of the trade, as well as gave him the taste for sleeping with 50 girls per semester. He likes to brag about his ventures to his other buddies who also live similar life styles. Obviously, not all fall into this stereotype, but I'm going beyond younger guys and trying to discover what drives married man to continue to want to conquer as many women as possible? Are men subconsciously searching for the love they are doing when they do this? I attempted to define love in a previous post, but it's so different for everyone. Instead, I'm going to layout a bit of a story and see if you find love or understanding somewhere below.

Any of us who have gone down the "materialistic" road and then came back (by the grace of God) know what the phrase "hardened heart" means. The "nice guys finish last" saying is one may have drove us down that road. You got hurt and were determined not to let that happen again. Another phrase you've absorbed into the "new you" was "if you can't beat them, join them." And the one's that have truly been hurt add their own twist to the end of that..."and beat them at their own game." What this means though is you have to become the best of the worst and the coldest of the cold. You have to become more hardcore than the ones who screwed you. You have to kill off "weaker/softer" parts of yourself that clings to "uncool/sentimental" stuff. You let the vengeful poison flow through you and drive you to change. You like the power you have when you test it out because you find people drawn to you that would have never looked your way before. You think back a few months ago when you used to hang out with those "old friends" and went out in public wearing that sweater your mom gave you for your birthday. You were so nieve then. You're so much happier now that you're cool, right? So you had to blow off some childhood friends who cramped your style. A small sacrifice to become this guy that you always wanted to be. Girls offer you drinks, guys give you drugs for free and your having sex with girls you never dreamed you could get. This is everything you've ever wished for. So when you're by yourself in the quiet of your home, why do you feel the emptiest you've ever felt in your life?

The world you are in now is what you always dreamed of when you were at those cheesy family get-togethers on Friday nights. Now when you sit with your family, you feel like a stranger sitting on the outside looking in. And now every club you go out to feels so fake and routine. You feel like your heart is blocked. Why do you feel so numb. You sleep with a girl and feel nothing. She seems to be enjoying the motions, but all you can think about is getting away from her as quickly and easily as possible. You realize that you feel worse now than you did when you were a "loser". A "loser". Is this all about that girl in the tight black mini dress calling me a loser over the summer? Why did you believe her? She didn't know a thing about you. Just because your shirt didn't have some type of Satanic band on it and you don't have 20 different piercings in your head, does not make you a loser. Was it because you were laughing with your "loser" friends at the time instead of looking mean and miserable like she did. Is that why you were a "loser". You realize you could sleep with that girl so easily now. You slept with girls twice as hot and made them do things that would make a **** star blush. So why do you feel so lost? You were going to blow off your mom's tomorrow to meet up with that girl who guaranteed a bj in the theatre, but how can you turn that down. How can you not at this point? You just really need to be somewhere you can call home right now.

You're there. Why can't you joke and smile with your family like you used to? As you slip away from the family, you find yourself in the basement looking a the wall with all your sports pictures. Your dad was in so many of them, smiling and ready to take you and your friends out to eat after the game. You recognize some of those friends faces as the ones you've been avoiding over the last few months. The ones that were "holding you back". As you stare at your Dad's smiling face in his ball cap that he never wore correctly and his "high-water" coaching pants, a tear starts to run down your cheek. The first one in as long as you can remember. Then another and another until your whole body is shaking and you can no longer see. When you are done, it feels like a million years rolled backwards. You find yourself putting on that goofy hat of his and sliding into his old coaching jacket. It still has a slight smell of him and you cry a little more. As you look down at yourself dressed all in black, you feel ridiculous. You get out an old tub of clothes an pull on a pair of jeans and your favorite flannel from high school. As you walk up the steps, you see your mom putting in a load of laundry and you just hug her from behind. She turns and sees your puffy eyes and hugs you back. You simply say, "I miss him" and she cries with you saying... "Everything is going to be alright". You close your eyes and enjoy the moment. After a few seconds you think.. "I need to make some phone calls and apologize to quite a few friends."
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1 Response Jan 15, 2013

Hmm, something to make one think.