Going To Have An Affair
I am definitely looking to having an affair. 7 years into my lonely marriage, I discovered that my husband is incapable of meaning ful type of communication. He finds conversing with my tortuous and draining. I used to take it personally, but now I understand about Aspergers, and how tortuous it is for him. He says he does not understand or process what people are saying, and as a result, just can not relate. When I try to talk to him he blurts out inappropriate and hurtful things. Now I am finding out, what I thought was love for me, was actually he neediness in wanting to latch on to somebody so they could take care of everything 100%. I feel like I've married a child.
Now, because of the hopelessness of the situation, I would very much like to have an affair. For once in my life, I want someone who desires me for who I am, and not because of what they proceive I can do for them. For once, I would like to be with a man of strength. Before my husband, I dated men that appeared to be self assured, but in the end, they were controlling and emotionally abusive, only trying to tear me down, to bring themselves back up.
When I met my husband, I knew something was off about him, but we had a lot of fun did a lot of things together. The relationship was shallow in nature, because we never really shared. He was so emotionally distant, and I was shocked when I moved to a new state, how he quit his job and showed up on my doorstep. It was really inappropriate. And too, I had a kid, so I was not very keen on having people live with me. He ignored my boundaries, and would invite his parents over my house for days. He did get an apartment, but he never turned on the electricity or got a phone number.
I misconstrued his neediness for love for me, and now, I am totally alone in this marriage. I long for true male companionship.
Eventually, our marriage is going to end, I know this.