Sexually Frustrated & Deprived... Thinking About Having An Affair

I have a good (not exactly great, but successful) relationship with my husband, but I am so lonely to have a lover. I have been married 15 years and sexually deprived for the past 10 years. My husband is a very loving and wonderful man who adores me to no end. We cuddle each  morning and night and he is very loving vocally as well... but that's the extent of our intimacy. He has some physical challenges that cannot be fixed... that and the fact that  2-4 years after getting married our sex life started fizzling out anyway.. Our lives have been strained by health issues (both of us), finances and life's tribulations. We have been through a lot of hard times together but remained steadfast and each others best friend. Oh and we were never able to have children - another stressor.


Here the situation:

I met someone several years older than me (also married a long time and from what I gather is missing romance in his life). It started off innocently and just friendly  but I found myself attracted to him and started flirting with him on several occasions over the past 3 months (off and on). I have had to be discreet due to the fact that we are both married and I have only encountered seeing him in his office, never totally alone. The last time I saw him I think it was pretty clear what I was interested in seeing him on a more personal level, etc, so I decided I would leave the rest up to him. If he  is interested (which I am certain he is) the next step will be for him to contact me outside of work... and that will likely be the *turning point*. He did said he would call me.

What to do?:

I have really tried to have a sexual relationship with my husband. I still flirt with him and he responds favorably, but it goes nowhere. V pills don't work (make him nauseous) and he doesn't even try to please me in other ways. Its gotten to the point that even if my husband could physically get "it" working again, I have lost the desire for him. I cry a lot because I am lonely to have a lover -- but not just anyone. I wouldn't put out an ad or anything. I just thought if I have an affair with this man I have been flirting with, that I would fill a void in his life, and he in mine. I just know that anything we start is taking a big risk. However, I don't want to remain celibate an longer!

I have never been unfaithful, nor has my husband. I never thought I would even consider this. I constantly fantasize seducing this man and having sex with him. In fact, giving myself pleasure and thinking about being with him its the only sexual satisfaction I have had in years! Now I want the real thing.

I just want to hear what comments or suggestions others may have, without being judgmental.

missfitandsexy missfitandsexy
46-50, F
5 Responses Feb 8, 2010

As a husband in a sexless marriage but a loving one, we came to the conclusion that my finding relief elsewhere was the solution. All she said was be discreet and none of our common friends. AND don't rub her nose in it! It has worked out very good over the last four years. I have dated other wives but only with their husbands approval. I have in fact become close friends with two couples and enjoy their company even if there isn't any intimate contact on some occasions. Bill in Va.

Hello,<br />
<br />
You deserve better. Hell we all do. I live way to far being in Hawaii to help you out but I would love to have a new email pal that understands the frustration I am going through. Shoot me an email if you need a friend to chat with. Hang in there and good luck.

When I got married, I had an idea that marriage was the end of ever looking for intimacy again. I'm not talking just simply sex, but intimacy, being wanted. I also believed that anyone who cheated was a bastard/****, whatever. Boy has my opinion changed. After being in a loveless/sexless relationship for more than 10 years and feeling the utter loneliness that envelops you and makes you question your own worth, I think much differently.<br />
<br />
I say GO FOR IT. How long must you wait for your husband to be a husband? If it hasn't happened yet, it isn't going to. I have told my wife time and again that if I ever get the chance for intimacy with somebody, anybody, I'm going to go for it. It wasn't a threat, simply the truth about how I was feeling. She still doesn't care.<br />
<br />
Just be sure that this man is clean and disease and drug free. Don't introduce health risks into your life. Your husband doesn't deserve that, but you don't deserve to be neglected, either.

My situation is very similar to yours but not exact...I finally did get a lover a few months ago..we see each other once every week or so and it is exactly what i needed..I fill a void for him and he for i. It is wonderful..I love my husband very much i do but if i didnt have this outside affair my marriage would end there is no doubt..I did not realize how much i needed someones warm body against mine or kisses all over me like i do..I can never go back to how it was before feeling so alone even though i was loved and cherished like you...Everyone needs intimacy..just dont fall in love with your lover and be careful not to get caught and no one gets hurt..Good luck

Well I am in favor of finding what you need wherever you have to...<br />
<br />
Like in Atlanta with me...