I'm 3 Weeks Away From Starting An Affair

I've been married for three years to my soulmate. He is the other piece of me, and I know I will never find another like him. Prior to him, I have had my heart broken, I have been cheated on, I have been physically abused. When my husband came along, I thought I was given a second chance at life.

So why then do I feel the urge to have an affair?

Despite the fact that I do consider my husband to be my soulmate because we are exactly alike - our relationship is imbalanced. I'm older than him and have a legal background, whilst he is a talented but unmotivated artist. We run a business together but that really means I'm the brains behind it. If I don't make a decision and leave it up to him, we either fall behind a deadline or lose money. I have come to accept that my taking the lead is the most effective way to run this business of ours, but somehow our personal life has fallen into that trap too. I will be the one cleaning the house (or asking him to help), I will be the one calling the plumber, the renovator - pretty much the one who runs the domestic side of things too. Essentially it's gone to the point where if I'm not proactive about something, nothing will ever happen. If I don't make a decision fast enough, everything falls to pieces. Overall, I am tired.

We have spoken about it, and he genuinely wants to help take the load off my shoudlers, but it just isn't in his character to be motivated enough to do so without my prompting him. In the end, I feel like a big nag so often I would just go ahead and do it myself.

Last month, on a business trip to Japan, I became reacquainted with a high school flame (you know, the kind where you hold hands and go to McDonalds together) who has since become a very successful businessman. He's a very assertive kind of guy who always knows exactly what to do. We met for dinner and drinks a few times and by the end of the week, he confessed that his feelings for me had been rekindled and that he would like me to move to Japan to be with him. He was dead serious and to be honest, I wasn't that surprised given that in the past 9 years where we have lived in different countries, he has never failed to call me on my birthday to wish me a good day.

I returned home to my husband terribly confused. I love my husband but now I have been offered the prospect of a different life, where for once I don't have to be the dominant nagger. I will never take the offer seriously, but all it's done is put the idea in my head that I *can* have a different life, one where I can just relax for once - and at the very least have a mutual partner.

In the end, I would still rather "take care" of a man whom I get along with 100%, than to be the wife of a man whom I hardly have anything in common with. I know that I will stay with my husband until the end.

But I will be returning to Japan again in 3 weeks, where I will probably be meeting my friend again. He will probably push his proposal again onto me, more aggressively this time. And once again I will find myself fantasising about another life.

I want to get this fantasy out of my system so I can resume my previous life. Yes my life with my husband was not what I had always imagined, and nor is it 100% of what I want. But life is like that, you can't have everything.

So I do think about having an affair, but I don't want it. How do I stop myself from thinking about it!

kon3k0 kon3k0
22-25, F
9 Responses Mar 16, 2010

Dont have an affiar and thus become a cheating ***** rather than a wife you cheapen and lower yourself as much as you betray your husband and marriage by cheating think of yourself as a beter person than that.

Oh it's pretty simple.

You need to make sure you get your new lover's fav ****-me-outfit form Victoria's Secret (black or red of course) ********** a lot 2 weeks before to get in training for the hottest affair **** of your life then ...

Go over to Japan, pick your fav love hotel themed room with your lover and let me **** the living $hit out of you (and yeah you can do the same to him).

What goes on in Nihon stays in Nihon.

Problem solved. You're Welcome!

(also, hit me up, if you like - I love Asian ***** ;-))

Well this would not really be an affair, more like a one night stand unless you plan on going back and forth to Japan. IF you really love your husband then do not do this. IF he really is your soul mate I think you would not be thinking about this or confused about it. You seem to have "settled" maybe because you thought he was the one but marriage is about a partnership...mutual and equal help. You are taking all this on your shoulders and for as good intentions as he seems to have he is not coming through with his half of this partnership. BUT you might want to rethink being married to him regardless of the "other guy"

Well you now know that when in Japan all bases are covered.<br />
Now you can tell him you might just see him for one night - for dinner at an expensive restaurant near where he lives - lol<br />
BTW r4 years means the artist is NO soulmate in your heart and you are NOT the same. <br />
Also everyone take it from me - avoid business with spouse - AT ALL COSTS!

Yes I agree, I dodged one helluva bullet...<br />
<br />
And whilst I didn't end up going to Japan, that nagging feeling in the back of mind is still here. I still dream about what that bullet would have felt like, despite knowing that it would have caused a lot of damage.<br />
<br />
I will have to come up with a way to sort out my marriage before it gets too bad and I end up throwing a bomb into it (like how I almost did).

You dodged a bullet for the moment. It would be a drag to have acted on having an affair, only to find the guy is not really all that into you. Unless you would be ok with that, of course.<br />
<br />
You might want to think about whether you are getting what you really want and need from your marriage. Sometimes these feelings hit us and we don't know where they came from unless we truly pay attention to our inner voices.

Update:<br />
<br />
As predicted, when I told Mr Tokyo that I had no intention of sleeping with him when I do go to Japan, he made up an excuse about being out of town and thus could not meet me anyway. Well, he took a week to waffle on about "maybe being out of town" until I finally got it out of him that he didn't see a point in seeing me if we didn't intend to take it to the bedroom.<br />
<br />
*yawn* How unoriginal.<br />
<br />
To be honest, I had actually thought about sleeping with him anyway, but I was just throwing him an empty threat to see how he would respond. In a way, I'm glad he wasn't a smooth lying bastard who would make false promises all the way until he managed to bed me. I'm glad that he told me upfront that there was no point.<br />
<br />
It is a little disappointing though, I mean, what kind of girl wouldn't want to dream a little?<br />
<br />
But this is just another case of plain ol' lust. How boring.

You were very smart and glad you found out he was a player. Very disappointing and a jerk in my opinion. Hang in there and I hope everything works out dear!!!

Hello,<br />
<br />
<br />
You can’t do anything about your fanciful thoughts of another life. It is actually healthy to have some of those thoughts and live them out in your mind to satisfy a little part of your desires. You just need to keep reminding yourself about the path you have chosen. You want to be with your husband. I don’t think you should bring up another man with your husband especially a man who you could easily see on business trips. If you feel like you could fulfill some of your needs with a man in another country and your affair would allow you to come home to your husband refreshed and happier. I say have the affair, don’t tell your husband, and make sure the man is cool with that. The man in Japan seems to be a person who would not like to share you so that could be an issue later. Good luck.

that's a good response BUDD,<br />
difficult to carry out.<br />
but might just give her husband something to think about.<br />
<br />
unfortunately,i can relate to her husband,have similar situation here,but KON3,<br />
you shouldn't feel like a nag.<br />
i wish my wife had have complained more.<br />
yes i would probably have called her a nag,in jest.<br />
and i would have made sure that she knew i was jesting.<br />
but,it aint gonna happen now,<br />
so,we've just drifted apart,<br />
and our living together,is no more than convenience.<br />
neither of us are bothered about sex.<br />
we just eat,sleep,and life rolls on by.<br />
<br />
good luck KON3.