Lost Memories

I have been away from EP for a time. I needed to get away so that I could settle into this new life I've chosen. It has taken a lot of emotional energy and I didn't feel as though I could share it here for that time. I needed to share it with the new members of my family. Some of you who know me may remember or maybe not, but I found a new love here on EP and we have been together in person now for over two years. Apocalypticus is his call name. He doesn't log in anymore. He has, like me, had a lot of adversity to overcome and I have been helping him through it. His son had a bad bout with drugs and it has taken quite a while to help him, but he is back on track now and we are doing much better.

Now that things have calmed down, though, I have found myself pondering my past life. I find that I not kept very many memories of the years following my husband's death until I moved here with Apocalypticus in 2010. It's like a veil was drawn over my mind. My kids tell me we had a white christmas tree the year before we moved. I don't remember it. I don't remember opening presents or even what they got for Christmas. My life between April 2007 and August 2010 is nothing but fog. I have flashes, but only of my kids and work. It's sad for me, because I feel like I lost so much understanding in those months and years.
theredlady theredlady
41-45, F
1 Response Dec 22, 2012

*Hugs*
Even though you can't remember, you shouldn't feel sad. Everything you went through in that time built you up to be where you are now. You never see the foundations of the tallest buildings, but knowing that they're there offers assurance for the strength of what you *can* see now.

I'm going to stop there because this metaphor is starting to get away from me a little :P

Maybe so.... I found it beautiful to read...
You have have made a very precious reply here :)