I'm a Failure and I Want to Commit SuicideEvery time I get into my car I wish to get into an accident and die. I am 19 years old and am a virgin. I will never get laid or have a girlfriend because I am an incompetant **** who can't do anything right. I've only had one girlfriend in my life and that was only because she came onto me because she wanted a boyfriend and didn't care who it was. It lasted one month.
I was one of the biggest losers in my High School and was picked on and bullied every day. Girls would laugh at me in the halls. I am short, ugly, have a cartoonish face, a bulbous chin, bad skin, asymmetrical eyes, and facial hair that will not grow in correctly. I have very few friends and all I do with them is smoke weed and drink alcohol. I have no skills, abilities, or talents. I am worthless. I have nothing to be proud of in my life and I never will. I want to just die, it would be preferable to living my whole life hating myself and wishing for death and pretending to be optimistic to get by. Deep down I know that I am a failure and am destined to die alone and miserable.
I **** up everything I do. I am horrible with directions, I can't pass High School math, can't win at any video games that my friends play, can't get a girlfriend, can't make friends, can't get good grades in school, can't fight, and can't ever feel good about myself. I'm pathetic, I am overwhelmed with rage and grief whenever I see my reflection because I can't stand who I am. I am a worthless **** and I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate myself.
If anyone has any tips on how to commit suicide easily or painlessly I'd like to know because I think it's what I have to do.
And no- being upbeat or pseudo-optimistic doesn't work. I've tried it. And here I am still hating myself and wanting to die. I will never get a girl to like me. I don't know what the **** they want me to say or do to make them like me. I can't communicate with other people because I don't understand what they want. I just know that I'm weird and am absolutely pathetic. Being unable to function as a normal man isn't acceptable to me. My plethora of deficiencies is too much to bear.
Alejandro 19-21, M 387 Responses 10 Dec 28, 2007