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I'm a Failure and I Want to Commit Suicide

Every time I get into my car I wish to get into an accident and die.  I am 19 years old and am a virgin.  I will never get laid or have a girlfriend because I am an incompetant **** who can't do anything right.  I've only had one girlfriend in my life and that was only because she came onto me because she wanted a boyfriend and didn't care who it was.  It lasted one month.

 I was one of the biggest losers in my High School and was picked on and bullied every day.  Girls would laugh at me in the halls.  I am short, ugly, have a cartoonish face, a bulbous chin, bad skin, asymmetrical eyes, and facial hair that will not grow in correctly.   I have very few friends and all I do with them is smoke weed and drink alcohol.  I have no skills, abilities, or talents.  I am worthless.  I have nothing to be proud of in my life and I never will.  I want to just die, it would be preferable to living my whole life hating myself and wishing for death and pretending to be optimistic to get by.  Deep down I know that I am a failure and am destined to die alone and miserable. 

I **** up everything I do.  I am horrible with directions, I can't pass High School math, can't win at any video games that my friends play, can't get a girlfriend, can't make friends, can't get good grades in school, can't fight, and can't ever feel good about myself.  I'm pathetic, I am overwhelmed with rage and grief whenever I see my reflection because I can't stand who I am.  I am a worthless **** and I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate myself.

If anyone has any tips on how to commit suicide easily or painlessly I'd like to know because I think it's what I have to do.

And no- being upbeat or pseudo-optimistic doesn't work.  I've tried it.  And here I am still hating myself and wanting to die.  I will never get a girl to like me.  I don't know what the **** they want me to say or do to make them like me.  I can't communicate with other people because I don't understand what they want.  I just know that I'm weird and am absolutely pathetic.  Being unable to function as a normal man isn't acceptable to me.  My plethora of deficiencies is too much to bear.
Alejandro Alejandro 19-21, M 398 Responses Dec 28, 2007

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I am about to be 19. whatever you posted is 95% the same case with me. now after i have failed, I dont see any purpose of my life. Even if others try to motivate me, the motivation doesnt help coz i know that however hard i try and get through in my life, i know that I'm not going to achieve what i dreamt for. I wanted to be an aerospace engineer but now i see it totally impossible for me. I loved a girl,she is a youtube celebrity...so no chances. I am short and ugly. I lack confidence.I didnt achieve anything in my life that would give me confidence.I dont want to live an average life and see my friends,neighbours,relatives progressing and commenting on my failure. I want to end this life in a painless manner, want some suggestions. If i cant achieve, I must quit. My life is burdain for my parents. Afterall people die everyday uselessly..so what if i die. It would not matter to anyone and I'll be relieved from those staring eyes towards me. The enjoyment of life is in some other's hand. I cant get up.

I am 19 year old, I do sports and I've been playing since last five years , my problem is these days I am getting failed in every single match and it is shameful , if hurts a lot I really wanna suicide , can't stop tears inside

I hate myself too. I'm 21 and I'm lonely, and I can't get a job. My friends don't understand; they assume I'm lying about how hard I try to get a job; because they don't understand how someone who tries as hard as I do could possibly go months and years without getting one. I've had one job, and I kept it for a month, and I haven't had a single interview since. I'm scared to even approach women my age. I haven't had any sort of romantic or sexual contact for more than a year and a half—which may not sound like a very long time to some people on here, but I'm not a virgin; so, to me, it is crushing. I've had one gf, and our relationship lasted 2 years, but I hated it. It was a sham; I never really revealed myself to her, and she wasn't a good match for me, anyway—I just clung to her; because I was scared of letting go. And I should note that I never had sex with my gf; each of the 5 times I've had sex was a meaningless hookup. I'm in college, but I only get good grades half the time. The other half of the time, I'm too dazed out on weed to focus; because, like you, I also do little else other than toke and drink with my friends. I use chemicals to escape; as well as music, video games, novels, and anime.

You seem lucky, I hate that I'm too successful, have a nice sexy wife and earn dam tones of too much ****** money. I wish we could switch...na!

same here but you're lucky you have nothing to restrict you from killing yourself in my religion self suicide isn't allowed its mean that i have to endure all the pain and rage for life

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Dude...that's one of the most honest letters I've ever read. One thing is certain - you're a good writer. I'm an English professor and an editor, so I can assure you that you have some real writing chops. As for your life circumstances, they do seem to be overwhelming, don't they? I've been there myself and I know what it's like to have such pain and sadness that you want a way out. Millions of people deal with feelings such as yours everyday - you're not alone in your depression. Your letter is full of self-loathing, and I relate to that as well. I've been there. My opinion? 1. Focus on writing. You may have a career as a journalist or professional blogger. 2. Join a gym that trains guys like us in MMA (mixed martial arts - the stuff you see on TV such as the UFC). If you feel weak, ugly, powerless and lack confidence, you won't after a few sessions with a good MMA instructor. You'll put on muscle and begin to think differently about yourself in every way. That's what exercise can do for us. Men who are into MMA often began the journey feeling lost and afraid, needing a way to fight their way out of despair. Rather than deciding to give up, they've fought to improve themselves physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. Being of short stature isn't an issue in MMA. Look at UFC fighter statistics online. You'll notice that many of the guys aren't tall - in fact, height can be a detriment in the octagon. Most men who practice mixed martial arts will be respectful of you and will cheer you on. And, maybe one out of 10 of them could be considered "good looking." But they're confident, have earned respect, have the attention of women and for the most part, are self-assured men.
I hope my ideas help. You're a good man.

I am 27 years old and have also thought of suicide and looking up ways to kill myself. After the death of Robin Williams it made me think that even depression doesn't discriminate. You are 19 years old and have a lot of time to think about what to do in life. I was 22 years old when I lost my virginity and have felt like you many times. It wasn't something I looked for and I was pretty outgoing and loved to party at your age. Went clubbing in Tijuana, Mexico. I was an honor graduate in high school and attended San Diego State University as a Biology Major. My long term goal is to be a Neurologist and right now I trying to pursue a Bachelors Degree in Game Design. Life isn't something that is planned. It's a journey that God outs forth you and all you have to do is live and figure things out as you go. Don't give up. If I am still breathing and able to wait for things I am positive you can too. Good luck and keep your head up :)

I feel the same way...i wrote my finals and made all my papers but i failed maths,my parents are sooooo disappointed in me especially my dad. At first,i wanted to die but i thought it wise and said 'who freakin cares'?

Same here friend, and I more than understand the strain this has on your sense of self. Lots of whiskey and heroin would do it ofc but I'm still holding out for the idea of a spiritual awakening on dmt or some ****. Remove various culturally imposed patterns of behaviour, realise your own subjective truth, yadda yadda. So keep that in mind if you did feel close to the end. mother ****** dmt elves n ****.

Have you tried online dating like pof.com? Its a free dating site and it matches you with others like you. Just as you feel no one gets you, there are girls out there who feel the same way who would be the perfect match for you but you haven't met them yet. Its hard to meet people when you are introverted and don't go out mucj but online dating makes it a lot easier.

Hey dude try 25 and not even 1 girlfriend..........
you still have time buddy

Wow! Im so sorry. I apologize for all who have done u so wrong from a female standpoint. I know exactly how u feel. Mines comes from a single mom status. I loved high. school because of my family in marching band. I wasn't great n academics either but awesome wit playing percussion. I'm 34 now & have major responsibilities. I cant get a man just like u said about girls. I do get laid a lot(did) ended up with stds most of the time.(have one now I'm treating I get repeatedly, this is no# 7) My immune system is low fighter because of it. Men see me as screwable & not wifeable. Can't have anymore kids(have 4 boys grade school age). So that marriage by the bible is out. I have reading comprehension problems(failed college courses no one wished to help me in that area). I have only one friend(I think). My sons dad(they all have different ones) won't help in support of their child. I've lost all my livelihood due to issues with my back (was abused most of my life my back was always the target to mess up not my face). I use to attempt suicides & they backfired on me. I'm still here. I'm unhappy wit my life because no one stood up for me when I needed them to. They became my enemy too. Bystanders are worse than the bully. We r the same difference is I'm a black woman & have a family to be in charge of. We all need help. Death isn't the way. Finding what makes us happy & ONE person who cares enough to stand up as that supporter for you is more than enough. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one feeling the way I did. I'm still pressing on one step at a time. Its easier said than done. Don't give up. Id date u. why? Because we r the same n situation.

there are plenty of girls who would go out with you.. dont give up.. its a bloody phase.. there are ugly/loser girls as well and one of these days you'll meet one and be perfect for each other.. killing your self in not an option as you will sell your life for nothing.. and there is nothing after this so complete darkness and silence for eternity.. enjoy your time here cause its the only thing we have..

The real question is why do you care so much about so many things? It's the society we live in gives us so much pressure. You don't need to be successful. Everyone wants to be happy and they struggle so much for it. Just accept everything and try to be happy and you don't need anything else

I understand your feelings. If it makes you feel any better my longest relationship only lasted for 5 days. Now that's ******* pathetic.

A great man once said: be the change you want to see in the world. Try to pursue that which makes you passionate. I can tell you're hurting but believe me, there are others out there who have bigger problems than yourself. You have plenty to live for as pain is temporary. be

It's like death in slow motion. I'm in college and I know it's only a matter of time before I fail out. I used to be in the Air Force but now I can't even fly... I'm terrified to even get in a car and drive. All I can do now is stay indoors away from everyone. I wake up and I have already been defeated. My family has left me (not that they were worth much anyway) and no one gives a **** about me, all they do is take advantage of me. I've lost all I had, all my trust... everything for that matter. What is there left?

I feel you.

I really hope your still with us, nothing is that bad just remember everything passes good times follow bad like a big wheel. Everyone has fear and self doubt at times but life is truly precious. Please don't give up x x

Accept Islam and read Quran

I can't do it anymore. I have lost my home, my job, my wife, my son and now my nephew who is my heart. I reach out to get help from people I love but they don't understand what I'm going through. They just get angry at me and call me selfish. Today is the day I am going to take my pain away. I am thinking I am gonna drive around and find the tallest building I can that I can find roof access to and get it over with. I am not gonna say good by or tell anyone what is gonna happen becuz they will either not believe me OR just get mad & call me selfish. I am not a selfish person............I give my all to the ones I love but still end up alone when I need someone to be there for me. I need this pain to go away & counseling & meds are not helping. I wish I was important enough for my wife to respond to my calls or text messages............but I'm not. I need her so much right now & she doesn't give a **** about me when I'm alive so I'm sure she won't give a **** in a few hours when I'm gone. She wants a divorce so this will save both of us from having to put ourselves through that. I need to do this for ME today because I am tired of hurting like this every day. I don't have anything left.

I hope your still around.

I can relate to most of your feelings. In 2013 I tried to kill myself twice and today I don't really feel any better than what I did then. It is a very overwhelming, degrading feeling I know. My case at school was very extreme, odd, abnormal. Meanwhile I was very ADD, dreamy and nothing occurred as important like exams. While everybody passes, I would fail by getting either zero or 2 out of 20 for tests.

ever herd of dyslexia? it may be the reason school and video games are hard for u. besides bullying jerks. look it up. another thing is u must remember to go at your own pace in every aspect of life you are where u are for a reason.

i am going through the same situation except know one believes me, my family thinks i am a screw up, and i just wanna end my life

Me to i hate living this ****** existence and the people that are supposed to care just make things worse. I want to die. I try so hard only to fall behind even further. If i wasn't on here id probably be dead already from holding it inside.

Please don't kill yourself. You are very young and honestly your hormones are affecting your perceptions. That does not mean that your perceptions or feelings are solely influenced by hormones. But honestly your situation will change. Just focus on something other than how other people view you. Whatever that has to be. It can't involve other people. A hobby, school, etc. Find something to dedicate yourself to. You will succeed. Revel in that accomplishment and honestly bide your time. Things change. I am 29 and you will think I'm old and don't have much to contribute, but honestly about 15 years ago I wanted to kill myself almost every day. I do know how you feel. Your life will change with or without you. Won't you wonder what would have happened without you in it?

Start reading all the spiritual texts. Start from Bible, then Bhagwad Gita, then Quran, etc. Find the similarities and aim to help poors. Live for others. Make others happy, and God and people will make you happy ;)

you should bcome a writer and study some psychology if you can, just my impression but dont take my word for it. It's your call.

hope you find out what makes you happy. From my perspective or what i feel people have told me the only things that can help are: God, God's love, wisdom, reading the bible constantly/consistently, and having someone who loves you ( a person who would give you the time you neeed and be willing to find a friend who would hug u unconditionally--there are people like that it might not appear so but im sure if you look hard enough you'll find them, and if not or like me might be too scared, you can also go to counselling or a nearby health and mental health counselling centre or public profesional (like a doctor, lawyer, police officer, heck you could even talk to some stranger that loooks nice--rem: God works in mysterious ways) :) hope this helps good luck man, dude--i really you hope you find love, and i really hope you can find a way to be happy and complete in and with your life and/or with its purpose and/trajectory...good luck god bless you man :) <3

and also/finally i hope you can find lovve in Jesus Christ personally i think he might be the best friend you ever hav--he could give you his Holy Spirit and God would never leave you or forsake you, but reading the bible would be oyur best 1st step for some way to alleviate/gain some perspective and offer some solace--but personally a genuine and really respectful and full-hearted/good natured and wholly good person who really loves people and others works the best/just as well (these people are often God sent, or they probably are)--from my experience they are but who knows u might find the right person(s) after all.


P.S. the devil works in mysterious ways and is constantly plotting for your destruction so dont let bothersome circumstances/situations get you down--see the story of Job in the bible in the book of Job (goood luck man and God bless you:) cheers! :)

P.S. i have personally gone thru depression too and am currently battling suicidal thoughts but if you can find a way to be happy and get the needed help from God or friends or whatever/whomever--then that is somethiing greatly tto be treasured :)

I read once that no ever "attempts" suicide, you either kill yourself or you don't. Meaning that, if you are posting/reading here then you are still alive because you want to be, which is the natural and perfect state of a human being, which is what you are. Try getting outside of your self and focus on helping someone else or making the world a better place. You are unique, no matter how weird you view yourself, there is only one you in existence, and the only YOU that will ever be. You are literally one in billions.

Failing that, the quickest and most painless way to end it all is a shotgun blast or bullet to the temple (with a 99% fatality success rate).

Cheers.

I feel the same way, My mom and Dad always brags about my brother and sometimes my sister. Never me I have always felt like the odd girl out been bullied, depression, and anger. I not bullied any more because I told then to leave me alone and when they didn't I would either punch or kick sometimes push people. I did not like taking carp from people but lately my wall against the world has been breaking and breaking then came tumbling down. Now what the say hurts. My mom lately has been calling me a ***,stupid,ungrateful,brat. And I can't take it I have. Tried to committing suicide about 8 times and as you can see didn't work. At home they treat me like a maid to wait on them do all the dishes mop the floors and sweep, clean the bathroom wash the Windows, do everybody's laundry. And I'm tired of it.

For everyone here who's response is to treat them with severe optimism I would let it go, by the sounds of this they wrote it so that they would get sympathy not exactly love, just someone who has it the same or worse. For the writer I suggest that you find a job, hire a hooker if you want to get laid. More importantly I suggest that you seek psychiatric help because you are without a doubt in a state of depression. I give similar advice to many of the other commentators who had similar stories.

I feel the same way. My whole life i have been picked on and made fun of. People are always talking about me behind my back. Im 23 and i havent had a girlfriend since i was 17. Women just dont like me. Who could blame them. Who could ever love a pathetic piece of **** like me.Everyday i wake up and wish that it all would end. My family doesnt understand me and they dont even try. Im done with it all. Please help me end it painlessly. Help me do it please. I cant take it anymore.

To all of you. Every single one of you. I love you. I know what it is like as some of your stories were my story. I can't lie, scars are scars and some are deep and painful. The truth is that some of them will heal, and others will fade but will always be there in the background radiating their own kind of pain in your life. This is a truth, and I am so damn sorry that it is a truth for some of you out there.

However...

However, with deep pain comes deep joy. I can promise you that. I noticed that many of you are young, and in some cases very young. So please entertain me a little bit here. I used to live in the desert a while back ago. The sun set came, and the sunrises came as well, and as all of the sunsets and sunrises in my life they were as significant an event as any red car that would pass me on the street. An every day occurrence. Nothing special. Until one day I stopped and just took it in. I mean really took this blazing red, yellow and orange sunset in. It looked like the sky was on fire. The sun just barely sitting on the horizon was amazing. The sky was amazing. Everything for just that moment was perfect. And it occurred to me, that sun, that sky, that whole scene unfolding before me was absolutely unaware of me. I didn't exist in its eyes. I was nothing to it, and yet there I was, its audience. And although it was not aware of me, I was very aware of it. I was engaged with it, and for a moment I WAS IT. For all I knew at that moment I could very well have been its only appreciator. I was engaged with this beautiful and amazing event, inseparable from it. In that short moment, my life and everything I was was put into perfect perspective. Although it seemed I was utterly insignificant, I realized that I am a part of that event unfolding. I am significant. I am as important as light is to our planet and I don't even have to lift a finger to try.

So let me put this into perspective if I can. I know that some of you feel a great and vast pain. You are deep in the valley. You are in pain, your self worth is shot, your so called "loved ones" treat you like an enemy. However, the deeper the valley, the higher the hills to climb. And they are a painful climb I can assure you. They will scrape the skin off of your bones, bust your legs, wear your fingers to nubs, but you know the valley don't you? Your intimate with being down, kicked down, beat down, put down. You know the bottom of the pit, and you know it well. But every valley has a hill, and every pit has a top to it.

Climb.
One.
Foot.
In.
Front.
Of.
The.
Other...

Don't look back down, you know that terrain. Look up, look at where your hands are placed, calculate your next move and focus that pain and lift yourself up to the next ledge, to the next foothold. Climb.

Life hurts sometimes. For some of us it feels as if life hurts all the time. Good, you know pain and strife, but think of it like this. Somewhere there is a sunset that is putting on one hell of a show, and for all you know everyone has their heads buried in their cell phones and to their next appointment, their next career move. What a shame that such an amazing show should go without just one person who can sit on top of that mountain that they damn near killed themselves to get to the top of so that they can sit quietly and watch the universe do its thing. And I can assure you the cruelty of the world will be down below you waiting to beat you back down, to assure itself in its smug little way that you are a nothing, that your a failure. But what it doesn't know is that you have been to the top of the mountain and had concert with kings. At that point, it all becomes perspective. And once you have that taste in your mouth, it is a taste that brands itself upon who you are as a person. It BECOMES YOU.

Yeah my friends, sometimes pain doesn't go away. But with that pain comes empathy, compassion, and kindness. Remember that.

“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.”
— Josephine Hart

I love you, and I wished I could bring you greater comfort. Please don't give up. too much out there. Too much to see. Too much to do. Too much to love. Too much love to give back.

My husband just told me to pack my bags and leave because I toiled him not to switch off the A/c. It's so hot. 38degrees and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I feel like ending my life. I don't have a place to go. I don't have a job. I have two small kids at home and I keep thinking who's going to take care of them if I die. I'm so down and I want to yell out loud. All the sad feelings are boiling up inside me. Please help me.