Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I'm a Failure and I Want to Commit Suicide

Every time I get into my car I wish to get into an accident and die.  I am 19 years old and am a virgin.  I will never get laid or have a girlfriend because I am an incompetant **** who can't do anything right.  I've only had one girlfriend in my life and that was only because she came onto me because she wanted a boyfriend and didn't care who it was.  It lasted one month.

 I was one of the biggest losers in my High School and was picked on and bullied every day.  Girls would laugh at me in the halls.  I am short, ugly, have a cartoonish face, a bulbous chin, bad skin, asymmetrical eyes, and facial hair that will not grow in correctly.   I have very few friends and all I do with them is smoke weed and drink alcohol.  I have no skills, abilities, or talents.  I am worthless.  I have nothing to be proud of in my life and I never will.  I want to just die, it would be preferable to living my whole life hating myself and wishing for death and pretending to be optimistic to get by.  Deep down I know that I am a failure and am destined to die alone and miserable. 

I **** up everything I do.  I am horrible with directions, I can't pass High School math, can't win at any video games that my friends play, can't get a girlfriend, can't make friends, can't get good grades in school, can't fight, and can't ever feel good about myself.  I'm pathetic, I am overwhelmed with rage and grief whenever I see my reflection because I can't stand who I am.  I am a worthless **** and I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate myself.

If anyone has any tips on how to commit suicide easily or painlessly I'd like to know because I think it's what I have to do.

And no- being upbeat or pseudo-optimistic doesn't work.  I've tried it.  And here I am still hating myself and wanting to die.  I will never get a girl to like me.  I don't know what the **** they want me to say or do to make them like me.  I can't communicate with other people because I don't understand what they want.  I just know that I'm weird and am absolutely pathetic.  Being unable to function as a normal man isn't acceptable to me.  My plethora of deficiencies is too much to bear.
Alejandro Alejandro 19-21, M 407 Responses Dec 28, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

I sadly hear what you mean can relate to a good part of your story.you dont want positive talk just know u are not alone and id be your friend **** what people say negativitly about you andleave this post I know u dont believe it but u matter

I believe you are a diamond in the ruff. Forget those fools in highschool. Focus on your future. You will never see most of those classmates again. Work on being successful. That is the best revenge.

Hey dude I am 30 and still alone .I tried to be friends with some girls and I mean just friends and they all rejected my friendship.But hey I am still alive and well.See buddy it doesn't matter in today's world whether you have a girlfriend or not.What matters is the money you make.I myself am a civil and criminal court judge and you can imagine the money I make.Now on the way passing thirty, I hardly even feel the difference in life of not having a girlfriend or a wife, in fact seeing some of my engaged or married friends suffer in misery at the hands of their girlfriends and wives makes me thank God that he never ever put me where my friends are now.

I guess famliy screwed me up early and maybe well we get locked into bad habits but humans are a collective unconscious so no one has the right to dictate how it goes. I guss just take one day at a time and smell the flowers. Peace

I'm a girl I feel somewhat the same for myself except I'm no virgin, but can't handle relationships so I'm going through the whole spectrum of casual lately friends with benefits one night stands etc. I didn't commit suicide I started self harming this summer seems like it's addictive yesterday I was on the verge of starting crying front of my whole lab group instead I went to the toilet took my razor out my bag cut my arm 4-5 times and went out angry but not crying. Try it you won't want to die after that instead you will feel more alive then ever, just be careful you will need long sleeves and trousers careful don't all the time most people when they see that freak out and might say mean things (which is alright because they can't comprehend and don't give a ****) the worst is when they try to lecture you or pity you and might interfere. My advice don't die live and show this bastards you can make it even though you are a complete mess. I'm proud of being a mess I'm not a hypocrite or some self over evaluating **** like many people out there. Cope with it show your strength to yourself.

Ill be honest. Im 26 and through my whole life ive been depressed but some how manage to appear extroverted. I had a troubled up bringing which resulted in plenty of attempts in suicide starting at age 6. I was bullied up til sophmore highschool. Which stopped due to people not caring anymore. Ive been in and out school for 8 years and still fail at every math i take. My degree will be in engineering but the fact i have no motivation keeps me from moving forward. I currently have a decent life. Just was able to buy my own condo after living with my mom til 25. But im lonely. Day to day is a struggle just to appear fake. Thats one thing im succeeding at. No one really knows whats going on inside my head. I feel like a complete failure. Just tonight i had to withdraw from another class. So thats why im on this website. Another depressing moment.
One thing for me to due to keep my mind off of things is being active. I recently got into an active life. Outdoors helps me clear my head. One advice i have for you is find a hobby try new thing even if you fail a million times. Try it. Because eventually you find something that you enjoy and with all the failures youll have a well round skill set. Not much but something. Also when you find a hobby there are usually other people that have the same hobby which at times results in relationships. Maybe one with the opposite sex. Ive always had embedded in me amongst the suicide. Theres some reason im living, i dont know the reason but theres something and thats why im not dead.

Finish college and get a great paying career job...then if you need it, get plastic surgery...work on losing weight (I lost 60 lbs in my mid 20s after I quit smoking!)...you are still young and have all the time ahead of you...I am 56, lost my good job 5 years ago, been through 2 marriages and couple of hot live-in girlfriends (who turned out to be crazy nut jobs and not worth the headaches)...now I am unemployed, no kids, no college degree and I have gained the weight back over the last 2 years I lost 30 yrs ago...you have time to make something of your life....trust me, I can relate to your situation...but small steps and time will get you out of your situation...DONT try to be a knight in shining armor...I found that "saving" a girlfriend from a bad situation does not make everything rosy...THEIR troubles eventually tear you apart....Find someone with no serious baggage (who gets along with their family and friends and has a career and finished college)..Get YOUR life in line 1st before getting involved with a woman..hell, I am now living in an extended hotel while job hunting..wish I had finished my degree in college....trust me it can get a lot worse..I had to give up my dogs when I lost my last job and moved out of the rental house...I am in an area where there are no jobs in my field (electronics, telecom)...especially for 56 yr olds....My dogs were my "kids" and now they are gone..its been 2 years and I cry about that still to this day...I hope they are ok and alive...but I cant see them..it would make things worse....I would trade to be 19 again so I can do things different than I grew up with...trust me...it CAN be worse....get a degree and a career...once you have your life together, things will fall in line...Dont do bars? Good, you don't want a woman from there anyway, do you??? DONOT date on the job....get involved with friends and maybe a group from your college...(I had a 19yr old girlfriend who had horrible acne when it popped up...once it cleared up she was sexy and beautiful as hell...but she had other problems....and I broke it off)...Dont let a girl get IN your head or heart until you are ready for it...work on yourself 1st....looks can be changed....and you're only 19...you still have some time left "growing".....dont throw it away like I did...

Bro bro bro, I'm 21 years old and I've had sex with 36 girls I've been counting. I'm not proud of it at all because I really have nothing to show for it.. I'm also feeling depressed and worthless/ I'm good looking im still in school (college) and I have people in my life who love me and care for me... But I feel like I have no emotions for them it's like I can't love. Trust me things aren't always easier for better looking more successful people.. Life's what you make of it how you look at it what you do about it/in it .. Just keep your head up and keep pushing forward if you feel a need go for it even if it's hitting on a 30 year old sexy *** girl with a perfect body and u know u have 0% of a chance! Atleast you had the balls to try! Same goes for getting a good education/having a family/ or even standing up for yourself. Give yourself a reason to give yourself credit so when you look in that mirror you see the person you want to see out of yourself. Even if you may not be the best looking dude I gurantee your not the ugliest and even if you were a damn good attitude would completely make a difference! **** this speech is long I think I just motivated myself... This sexy mother ******* going to bed I hope this helped your sexy nerdy *** out now get yo *** up and live boyy! (:

I am 27 years old. Iam a girl and i don't feel at all that i am a female.I hate by body. I feel that i am fat even if my friends say to me that i am not. I used antipsychitaric pills and i am in depression for the last 4 years. I understand that you feel pain in your hurt and that you feel ungly and useless as a person but everyone for us feels like this. I want to suicide, i today i will put an end to my life. I cannot stand anymore this pain in my hurt, i used to cry a lot but i finish with tears. I start to feel more afraid tahn ever and more tired than ever, i want to end this situation. No one understand me, i adon't kow if you understand me.Do you?

I am about to be 19. whatever you posted is 95% the same case with me. now after i have failed, I dont see any purpose of my life. Even if others try to motivate me, the motivation doesnt help coz i know that however hard i try and get through in my life, i know that I'm not going to achieve what i dreamt for. I wanted to be an aerospace engineer but now i see it totally impossible for me. I loved a girl,she is a youtube celebrity...so no chances. I am short and ugly. I lack confidence.I didnt achieve anything in my life that would give me confidence.I dont want to live an average life and see my friends,neighbours,relatives progressing and commenting on my failure. I want to end this life in a painless manner, want some suggestions. If i cant achieve, I must quit. My life is burdain for my parents. Afterall people die everyday uselessly..so what if i die. It would not matter to anyone and I'll be relieved from those staring eyes towards me. The enjoyment of life is in some other's hand. I cant get up.

I am 19 year old, I do sports and I've been playing since last five years , my problem is these days I am getting failed in every single match and it is shameful , if hurts a lot I really wanna suicide , can't stop tears inside

I hate myself too. I'm 21 and I'm lonely, and I can't get a job. My friends don't understand; they assume I'm lying about how hard I try to get a job; because they don't understand how someone who tries as hard as I do could possibly go months and years without getting one. I've had one job, and I kept it for a month, and I haven't had a single interview since. I'm scared to even approach women my age. I haven't had any sort of romantic or sexual contact for more than a year and a half—which may not sound like a very long time to some people on here, but I'm not a virgin; so, to me, it is crushing. I've had one gf, and our relationship lasted 2 years, but I hated it. It was a sham; I never really revealed myself to her, and she wasn't a good match for me, anyway—I just clung to her; because I was scared of letting go. And I should note that I never had sex with my gf; each of the 5 times I've had sex was a meaningless hookup. I'm in college, but I only get good grades half the time. The other half of the time, I'm too dazed out on weed to focus; because, like you, I also do little else other than toke and drink with my friends. I use chemicals to escape; as well as music, video games, novels, and anime.

You seem lucky, I hate that I'm too successful, have a nice sexy wife and earn dam tones of too much ****** money. I wish we could switch...na!

same here but you're lucky you have nothing to restrict you from killing yourself in my religion self suicide isn't allowed its mean that i have to endure all the pain and rage for life

Add a response...

Dude...that's one of the most honest letters I've ever read. One thing is certain - you're a good writer. I'm an English professor and an editor, so I can assure you that you have some real writing chops. As for your life circumstances, they do seem to be overwhelming, don't they? I've been there myself and I know what it's like to have such pain and sadness that you want a way out. Millions of people deal with feelings such as yours everyday - you're not alone in your depression. Your letter is full of self-loathing, and I relate to that as well. I've been there. My opinion? 1. Focus on writing. You may have a career as a journalist or professional blogger. 2. Join a gym that trains guys like us in MMA (mixed martial arts - the stuff you see on TV such as the UFC). If you feel weak, ugly, powerless and lack confidence, you won't after a few sessions with a good MMA instructor. You'll put on muscle and begin to think differently about yourself in every way. That's what exercise can do for us. Men who are into MMA often began the journey feeling lost and afraid, needing a way to fight their way out of despair. Rather than deciding to give up, they've fought to improve themselves physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. Being of short stature isn't an issue in MMA. Look at UFC fighter statistics online. You'll notice that many of the guys aren't tall - in fact, height can be a detriment in the octagon. Most men who practice mixed martial arts will be respectful of you and will cheer you on. And, maybe one out of 10 of them could be considered "good looking." But they're confident, have earned respect, have the attention of women and for the most part, are self-assured men.
I hope my ideas help. You're a good man.

I am 27 years old and have also thought of suicide and looking up ways to kill myself. After the death of Robin Williams it made me think that even depression doesn't discriminate. You are 19 years old and have a lot of time to think about what to do in life. I was 22 years old when I lost my virginity and have felt like you many times. It wasn't something I looked for and I was pretty outgoing and loved to party at your age. Went clubbing in Tijuana, Mexico. I was an honor graduate in high school and attended San Diego State University as a Biology Major. My long term goal is to be a Neurologist and right now I trying to pursue a Bachelors Degree in Game Design. Life isn't something that is planned. It's a journey that God outs forth you and all you have to do is live and figure things out as you go. Don't give up. If I am still breathing and able to wait for things I am positive you can too. Good luck and keep your head up :)

I feel the same way...i wrote my finals and made all my papers but i failed maths,my parents are sooooo disappointed in me especially my dad. At first,i wanted to die but i thought it wise and said 'who freakin cares'?

Same here friend, and I more than understand the strain this has on your sense of self. Lots of whiskey and heroin would do it ofc but I'm still holding out for the idea of a spiritual awakening on dmt or some ****. Remove various culturally imposed patterns of behaviour, realise your own subjective truth, yadda yadda. So keep that in mind if you did feel close to the end. mother ****** dmt elves n ****.

Have you tried online dating like pof.com? Its a free dating site and it matches you with others like you. Just as you feel no one gets you, there are girls out there who feel the same way who would be the perfect match for you but you haven't met them yet. Its hard to meet people when you are introverted and don't go out mucj but online dating makes it a lot easier.

STAY AWAY FROM ONLINE DATING! I'm 25 and have been single all my life. I'm an Asian guy, which we are one of the least desirable guys in North America! Girls from all ethnic backgrounds ignore me and I'm not even ugly! I try to talk to them like a normal person, but it doesn't matter because of my skin colour. I hate myself so much, sometimes I cry and other times I feel like ending it all.

Hey dude try 25 and not even 1 girlfriend..........
you still have time buddy

Wow! Im so sorry. I apologize for all who have done u so wrong from a female standpoint. I know exactly how u feel. Mines comes from a single mom status. I loved high. school because of my family in marching band. I wasn't great n academics either but awesome wit playing percussion. I'm 34 now & have major responsibilities. I cant get a man just like u said about girls. I do get laid a lot(did) ended up with stds most of the time.(have one now I'm treating I get repeatedly, this is no# 7) My immune system is low fighter because of it. Men see me as screwable & not wifeable. Can't have anymore kids(have 4 boys grade school age). So that marriage by the bible is out. I have reading comprehension problems(failed college courses no one wished to help me in that area). I have only one friend(I think). My sons dad(they all have different ones) won't help in support of their child. I've lost all my livelihood due to issues with my back (was abused most of my life my back was always the target to mess up not my face). I use to attempt suicides & they backfired on me. I'm still here. I'm unhappy wit my life because no one stood up for me when I needed them to. They became my enemy too. Bystanders are worse than the bully. We r the same difference is I'm a black woman & have a family to be in charge of. We all need help. Death isn't the way. Finding what makes us happy & ONE person who cares enough to stand up as that supporter for you is more than enough. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one feeling the way I did. I'm still pressing on one step at a time. Its easier said than done. Don't give up. Id date u. why? Because we r the same n situation.

there are plenty of girls who would go out with you.. dont give up.. its a bloody phase.. there are ugly/loser girls as well and one of these days you'll meet one and be perfect for each other.. killing your self in not an option as you will sell your life for nothing.. and there is nothing after this so complete darkness and silence for eternity.. enjoy your time here cause its the only thing we have..

The real question is why do you care so much about so many things? It's the society we live in gives us so much pressure. You don't need to be successful. Everyone wants to be happy and they struggle so much for it. Just accept everything and try to be happy and you don't need anything else

I understand your feelings. If it makes you feel any better my longest relationship only lasted for 5 days. Now that's ******* pathetic.

A great man once said: be the change you want to see in the world. Try to pursue that which makes you passionate. I can tell you're hurting but believe me, there are others out there who have bigger problems than yourself. You have plenty to live for as pain is temporary. be

It's like death in slow motion. I'm in college and I know it's only a matter of time before I fail out. I used to be in the Air Force but now I can't even fly... I'm terrified to even get in a car and drive. All I can do now is stay indoors away from everyone. I wake up and I have already been defeated. My family has left me (not that they were worth much anyway) and no one gives a **** about me, all they do is take advantage of me. I've lost all I had, all my trust... everything for that matter. What is there left?

I feel you.

I really hope your still with us, nothing is that bad just remember everything passes good times follow bad like a big wheel. Everyone has fear and self doubt at times but life is truly precious. Please don't give up x x

Accept Islam and read Quran

I can't do it anymore. I have lost my home, my job, my wife, my son and now my nephew who is my heart. I reach out to get help from people I love but they don't understand what I'm going through. They just get angry at me and call me selfish. Today is the day I am going to take my pain away. I am thinking I am gonna drive around and find the tallest building I can that I can find roof access to and get it over with. I am not gonna say good by or tell anyone what is gonna happen becuz they will either not believe me OR just get mad & call me selfish. I am not a selfish person............I give my all to the ones I love but still end up alone when I need someone to be there for me. I need this pain to go away & counseling & meds are not helping. I wish I was important enough for my wife to respond to my calls or text messages............but I'm not. I need her so much right now & she doesn't give a **** about me when I'm alive so I'm sure she won't give a **** in a few hours when I'm gone. She wants a divorce so this will save both of us from having to put ourselves through that. I need to do this for ME today because I am tired of hurting like this every day. I don't have anything left.

I hope your still around.

I can relate to most of your feelings. In 2013 I tried to kill myself twice and today I don't really feel any better than what I did then. It is a very overwhelming, degrading feeling I know. My case at school was very extreme, odd, abnormal. Meanwhile I was very ADD, dreamy and nothing occurred as important like exams. While everybody passes, I would fail by getting either zero or 2 out of 20 for tests.

ever herd of dyslexia? it may be the reason school and video games are hard for u. besides bullying jerks. look it up. another thing is u must remember to go at your own pace in every aspect of life you are where u are for a reason.