Post

I'm a Failure and I Want to Commit Suicide

Every time I get into my car I wish to get into an accident and die.  I am 19 years old and am a virgin.  I will never get laid or have a girlfriend because I am an incompetant **** who can't do anything right.  I've only had one girlfriend in my life and that was only because she came onto me because she wanted a boyfriend and didn't care who it was.  It lasted one month.

 I was one of the biggest losers in my High School and was picked on and bullied every day.  Girls would laugh at me in the halls.  I am short, ugly, have a cartoonish face, a bulbous chin, bad skin, asymmetrical eyes, and facial hair that will not grow in correctly.   I have very few friends and all I do with them is smoke weed and drink alcohol.  I have no skills, abilities, or talents.  I am worthless.  I have nothing to be proud of in my life and I never will.  I want to just die, it would be preferable to living my whole life hating myself and wishing for death and pretending to be optimistic to get by.  Deep down I know that I am a failure and am destined to die alone and miserable. 

I **** up everything I do.  I am horrible with directions, I can't pass High School math, can't win at any video games that my friends play, can't get a girlfriend, can't make friends, can't get good grades in school, can't fight, and can't ever feel good about myself.  I'm pathetic, I am overwhelmed with rage and grief whenever I see my reflection because I can't stand who I am.  I am a worthless **** and I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate myself.

If anyone has any tips on how to commit suicide easily or painlessly I'd like to know because I think it's what I have to do.

And no- being upbeat or pseudo-optimistic doesn't work.  I've tried it.  And here I am still hating myself and wanting to die.  I will never get a girl to like me.  I don't know what the **** they want me to say or do to make them like me.  I can't communicate with other people because I don't understand what they want.  I just know that I'm weird and am absolutely pathetic.  Being unable to function as a normal man isn't acceptable to me.  My plethora of deficiencies is too much to bear.
Alejandro Alejandro 19-21, M 388 Responses Dec 28, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

Wow! Im so sorry. I apologize for all who have done u so wrong from a female standpoint. I know exactly how u feel. Mines comes from a single mom status. I loved high. school because of my family in marching band. I wasn't great n academics either but awesome wit playing percussion. I'm 34 now & have major responsibilities. I cant get a man just like u said about girls. I do get laid a lot(did) ended up with stds most of the time.(have one now I'm treating I get repeatedly, this is no# 7) My immune system is low fighter because of it. Men see me as screwable & not wifeable. Can't have anymore kids(have 4 boys grade school age). So that marriage by the bible is out. I have reading comprehension problems(failed college courses no one wished to help me in that area). I have only one friend(I think). My sons dad(they all have different ones) won't help in support of their child. I've lost all my livelihood due to issues with my back (was abused most of my life my back was always the target to mess up not my face). I use to attempt suicides & they backfired on me. I'm still here. I'm unhappy wit my life because no one stood up for me when I needed them to. They became my enemy too. Bystanders are worse than the bully. We r the same difference is I'm a black woman & have a family to be in charge of. We all need help. Death isn't the way. Finding what makes us happy & ONE person who cares enough to stand up as that supporter for you is more than enough. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one feeling the way I did. I'm still pressing on one step at a time. Its easier said than done. Don't give up. Id date u. why? Because we r the same n situation.

there are plenty of girls who would go out with you.. dont give up.. its a bloody phase.. there are ugly/loser girls as well and one of these days you'll meet one and be perfect for each other.. killing your self in not an option as you will sell your life for nothing.. and there is nothing after this so complete darkness and silence for eternity.. enjoy your time here cause its the only thing we have..

The real question is why do you care so much about so many things? It's the society we live in gives us so much pressure. You don't need to be successful. Everyone wants to be happy and they struggle so much for it. Just accept everything and try to be happy and you don't need anything else

I understand your feelings. If it makes you feel any better my longest relationship only lasted for 5 days. Now that's ******* pathetic.

A great man once said: be the change you want to see in the world. Try to pursue that which makes you passionate. I can tell you're hurting but believe me, there are others out there who have bigger problems than yourself. You have plenty to live for as pain is temporary. be

It's like death in slow motion. I'm in college and I know it's only a matter of time before I fail out. I used to be in the Air Force but now I can't even fly... I'm terrified to even get in a car and drive. All I can do now is stay indoors away from everyone. I wake up and I have already been defeated. My family has left me (not that they were worth much anyway) and no one gives a **** about me, all they do is take advantage of me. I've lost all I had, all my trust... everything for that matter. What is there left?

I feel you.

I really hope your still with us, nothing is that bad just remember everything passes good times follow bad like a big wheel. Everyone has fear and self doubt at times but life is truly precious. Please don't give up x x

Accept Islam and read Quran

I can't do it anymore. I have lost my home, my job, my wife, my son and now my nephew who is my heart. I reach out to get help from people I love but they don't understand what I'm going through. They just get angry at me and call me selfish. Today is the day I am going to take my pain away. I am thinking I am gonna drive around and find the tallest building I can that I can find roof access to and get it over with. I am not gonna say good by or tell anyone what is gonna happen becuz they will either not believe me OR just get mad & call me selfish. I am not a selfish person............I give my all to the ones I love but still end up alone when I need someone to be there for me. I need this pain to go away & counseling & meds are not helping. I wish I was important enough for my wife to respond to my calls or text messages............but I'm not. I need her so much right now & she doesn't give a **** about me when I'm alive so I'm sure she won't give a **** in a few hours when I'm gone. She wants a divorce so this will save both of us from having to put ourselves through that. I need to do this for ME today because I am tired of hurting like this every day. I don't have anything left.

I hope your still around.

I can relate to most of your feelings. In 2013 I tried to kill myself twice and today I don't really feel any better than what I did then. It is a very overwhelming, degrading feeling I know. My case at school was very extreme, odd, abnormal. Meanwhile I was very ADD, dreamy and nothing occurred as important like exams. While everybody passes, I would fail by getting either zero or 2 out of 20 for tests.

ever herd of dyslexia? it may be the reason school and video games are hard for u. besides bullying jerks. look it up. another thing is u must remember to go at your own pace in every aspect of life you are where u are for a reason.

i am going through the same situation except know one believes me, my family thinks i am a screw up, and i just wanna end my life

Me to i hate living this ****** existence and the people that are supposed to care just make things worse. I want to die. I try so hard only to fall behind even further. If i wasn't on here id probably be dead already from holding it inside.

Please don't kill yourself. You are very young and honestly your hormones are affecting your perceptions. That does not mean that your perceptions or feelings are solely influenced by hormones. But honestly your situation will change. Just focus on something other than how other people view you. Whatever that has to be. It can't involve other people. A hobby, school, etc. Find something to dedicate yourself to. You will succeed. Revel in that accomplishment and honestly bide your time. Things change. I am 29 and you will think I'm old and don't have much to contribute, but honestly about 15 years ago I wanted to kill myself almost every day. I do know how you feel. Your life will change with or without you. Won't you wonder what would have happened without you in it?

Start reading all the spiritual texts. Start from Bible, then Bhagwad Gita, then Quran, etc. Find the similarities and aim to help poors. Live for others. Make others happy, and God and people will make you happy ;)

you should bcome a writer and study some psychology if you can, just my impression but dont take my word for it. It's your call.

hope you find out what makes you happy. From my perspective or what i feel people have told me the only things that can help are: God, God's love, wisdom, reading the bible constantly/consistently, and having someone who loves you ( a person who would give you the time you neeed and be willing to find a friend who would hug u unconditionally--there are people like that it might not appear so but im sure if you look hard enough you'll find them, and if not or like me might be too scared, you can also go to counselling or a nearby health and mental health counselling centre or public profesional (like a doctor, lawyer, police officer, heck you could even talk to some stranger that loooks nice--rem: God works in mysterious ways) :) hope this helps good luck man, dude--i really you hope you find love, and i really hope you can find a way to be happy and complete in and with your life and/or with its purpose and/trajectory...good luck god bless you man :) <3

and also/finally i hope you can find lovve in Jesus Christ personally i think he might be the best friend you ever hav--he could give you his Holy Spirit and God would never leave you or forsake you, but reading the bible would be oyur best 1st step for some way to alleviate/gain some perspective and offer some solace--but personally a genuine and really respectful and full-hearted/good natured and wholly good person who really loves people and others works the best/just as well (these people are often God sent, or they probably are)--from my experience they are but who knows u might find the right person(s) after all.


P.S. the devil works in mysterious ways and is constantly plotting for your destruction so dont let bothersome circumstances/situations get you down--see the story of Job in the bible in the book of Job (goood luck man and God bless you:) cheers! :)

P.S. i have personally gone thru depression too and am currently battling suicidal thoughts but if you can find a way to be happy and get the needed help from God or friends or whatever/whomever--then that is somethiing greatly tto be treasured :)

I read once that no ever "attempts" suicide, you either kill yourself or you don't. Meaning that, if you are posting/reading here then you are still alive because you want to be, which is the natural and perfect state of a human being, which is what you are. Try getting outside of your self and focus on helping someone else or making the world a better place. You are unique, no matter how weird you view yourself, there is only one you in existence, and the only YOU that will ever be. You are literally one in billions.

Failing that, the quickest and most painless way to end it all is a shotgun blast or bullet to the temple (with a 99% fatality success rate).

Cheers.

I feel the same way, My mom and Dad always brags about my brother and sometimes my sister. Never me I have always felt like the odd girl out been bullied, depression, and anger. I not bullied any more because I told then to leave me alone and when they didn't I would either punch or kick sometimes push people. I did not like taking carp from people but lately my wall against the world has been breaking and breaking then came tumbling down. Now what the say hurts. My mom lately has been calling me a ***,stupid,ungrateful,brat. And I can't take it I have. Tried to committing suicide about 8 times and as you can see didn't work. At home they treat me like a maid to wait on them do all the dishes mop the floors and sweep, clean the bathroom wash the Windows, do everybody's laundry. And I'm tired of it.

For everyone here who's response is to treat them with severe optimism I would let it go, by the sounds of this they wrote it so that they would get sympathy not exactly love, just someone who has it the same or worse. For the writer I suggest that you find a job, hire a hooker if you want to get laid. More importantly I suggest that you seek psychiatric help because you are without a doubt in a state of depression. I give similar advice to many of the other commentators who had similar stories.

I feel the same way. My whole life i have been picked on and made fun of. People are always talking about me behind my back. Im 23 and i havent had a girlfriend since i was 17. Women just dont like me. Who could blame them. Who could ever love a pathetic piece of **** like me.Everyday i wake up and wish that it all would end. My family doesnt understand me and they dont even try. Im done with it all. Please help me end it painlessly. Help me do it please. I cant take it anymore.

To all of you. Every single one of you. I love you. I know what it is like as some of your stories were my story. I can't lie, scars are scars and some are deep and painful. The truth is that some of them will heal, and others will fade but will always be there in the background radiating their own kind of pain in your life. This is a truth, and I am so damn sorry that it is a truth for some of you out there.

However...

However, with deep pain comes deep joy. I can promise you that. I noticed that many of you are young, and in some cases very young. So please entertain me a little bit here. I used to live in the desert a while back ago. The sun set came, and the sunrises came as well, and as all of the sunsets and sunrises in my life they were as significant an event as any red car that would pass me on the street. An every day occurrence. Nothing special. Until one day I stopped and just took it in. I mean really took this blazing red, yellow and orange sunset in. It looked like the sky was on fire. The sun just barely sitting on the horizon was amazing. The sky was amazing. Everything for just that moment was perfect. And it occurred to me, that sun, that sky, that whole scene unfolding before me was absolutely unaware of me. I didn't exist in its eyes. I was nothing to it, and yet there I was, its audience. And although it was not aware of me, I was very aware of it. I was engaged with it, and for a moment I WAS IT. For all I knew at that moment I could very well have been its only appreciator. I was engaged with this beautiful and amazing event, inseparable from it. In that short moment, my life and everything I was was put into perfect perspective. Although it seemed I was utterly insignificant, I realized that I am a part of that event unfolding. I am significant. I am as important as light is to our planet and I don't even have to lift a finger to try.

So let me put this into perspective if I can. I know that some of you feel a great and vast pain. You are deep in the valley. You are in pain, your self worth is shot, your so called "loved ones" treat you like an enemy. However, the deeper the valley, the higher the hills to climb. And they are a painful climb I can assure you. They will scrape the skin off of your bones, bust your legs, wear your fingers to nubs, but you know the valley don't you? Your intimate with being down, kicked down, beat down, put down. You know the bottom of the pit, and you know it well. But every valley has a hill, and every pit has a top to it.

Climb.
One.
Foot.
In.
Front.
Of.
The.
Other...

Don't look back down, you know that terrain. Look up, look at where your hands are placed, calculate your next move and focus that pain and lift yourself up to the next ledge, to the next foothold. Climb.

Life hurts sometimes. For some of us it feels as if life hurts all the time. Good, you know pain and strife, but think of it like this. Somewhere there is a sunset that is putting on one hell of a show, and for all you know everyone has their heads buried in their cell phones and to their next appointment, their next career move. What a shame that such an amazing show should go without just one person who can sit on top of that mountain that they damn near killed themselves to get to the top of so that they can sit quietly and watch the universe do its thing. And I can assure you the cruelty of the world will be down below you waiting to beat you back down, to assure itself in its smug little way that you are a nothing, that your a failure. But what it doesn't know is that you have been to the top of the mountain and had concert with kings. At that point, it all becomes perspective. And once you have that taste in your mouth, it is a taste that brands itself upon who you are as a person. It BECOMES YOU.

Yeah my friends, sometimes pain doesn't go away. But with that pain comes empathy, compassion, and kindness. Remember that.

“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.”
— Josephine Hart

I love you, and I wished I could bring you greater comfort. Please don't give up. too much out there. Too much to see. Too much to do. Too much to love. Too much love to give back.

My husband just told me to pack my bags and leave because I toiled him not to switch off the A/c. It's so hot. 38degrees and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I feel like ending my life. I don't have a place to go. I don't have a job. I have two small kids at home and I keep thinking who's going to take care of them if I die. I'm so down and I want to yell out loud. All the sad feelings are boiling up inside me. Please help me.

I feel the same. We're almost the same.
I'm 29, male and clinically depressed. I have a ton of things about myself that I feel are deficiencies. I too am funny looking.. But that's not the big issue, but we will get to that. The family that loved me is all dead. The only surviving family member is a mean hurtful self centred slave driver who tells me things no mother should tell their child. I live somewhere where getting a job is easy as **** but I have no drive to do it. I don't want to contribute to the society I despise so istead I support myself by panhandling and busking. I get by. I smoke entirely too much weed but only because of the lack of hope in my life. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was a homeless crystal meth addicted 17 year old. Haven't even been laid in like 4 years. The women I do occasionally get to sleep with are filthy pigs I would never openly admit to touching. I have zero self confidence in any aspect of life. My social skills are nil, I am angry all the time, I pick fights just to get the anger out. I go to jail for it and yell at the cops for treating me like the piece of **** that I know that I am but I refuse to think its justified. I'm so full of despair I wish for death, but I'm so angry I want to make others feel some of my pain. I am a genuinely caring and kind person but there's only so much we can take. I live to travel, sleep outside, beg for food/clothes/money. I always thought that if I toughed it out things would get better-frabkly, I regret buying into that crap. Things have been worse and worse every year that goes by. I get angrier and loathe everything that much more every year. Christmas is especially hard for me (except panning is pretty good around Xmas) because of the lack of love in my life. I spend the entire month of December remembering the people who loved me but who are now not of this world. I cry. I get mad, hit things. I want to kill the sonofabitch who took them from me. I can't.
When I was a child I had reoccurring dreams, many of them. One was where I'd be in a position where id have to defend myself but every punch or kick I threw had no power-like I was made of styrofoam or something. I never understood as a child/teen what the hell tht meant. I do now though. It means; no matter how hard you try you just can't win. You will fail. ****** deal.
I was birthed by a 16 year old woman. Grew up in a dope house. Mother was a prostitute for many years. I don't know my father. He left when mom was pregnant with me. I tracked him down at 12 years old and started a sort of relationship with him and his worthy family. I would spend weekends there and hang out with my half sisters that I had just met. I refused to call him dad because I feel that's something you have to earn. One Saturday morning over a bowl of serial I spoke his name. He asked me to call him dad and I said he has to be one first. That was that. He packed my **** and drove me to moms and I never saw him again.
I've lived outside on and off for 14 years now.. People scold me and say get a ******* job- I tell them to **** off, they don't know a ******* thing about me and if they keep **** talking ill ******* punch them out. It's so easy to judge a person and tell them what they should be doing but understanding what put that person there never happens. Everybody's so quick to judge or tell you how to fix your life but nobody considers the possibility that some wounds are incredibly deep and quick fix solutions don't help.

A little more:
I am 5'7 a bit overweight. I'd say around 200 lbs. white, brown eyes and hair. Irish heritage. I have facial hair that doesn't grow in properly. Many scars. Borderline micro-penis. I am hygiene deficient, by choice. I have NO friends because I know from experience that friends are snakes.

I am a good person inside, this I know. I care about people, feel for them. I want somebody to care for me, to not judge me for what's on the outside but really recognize the true beautiful person within. Apparently that's too much to ask. 29 and so alone I might as well be in space.

Go ahead all the Dr Phil's out there, give me your armchair psychiatrist diagnosis. Not that it's going to change anything. I'm going to take this life before my 30th birthday.

If ANYBODY cares, or maybe just needs a friend, text me. No calls will be answered. 587-400-3104

I feel the same. Only a matter of time till i buy a gun and end this. If u feel as bad as i do bout yourself save living with the pain the rwst of your life. I am.

Wow couldnt
Have described myself any better than you just described yourself. Werre the same and im pretty sure all this happy *** bullshit. All the people saying that its attitude and our choices that make us feel this way. No if you try and try. Fail. Look ugly and yes some of us do.. forget women. If ur small forget a reall job. Appearance is a lot. Some 5 7" guy isnt going to get the same job as the 5 11" or 6 2" counterpart. Im with u and understand how much it hurts to live with yourself as the burden on yourself each day and people just dont get it. Btw its not asking for pity because u say this stuff. Its juzt telling people the truth and honestly fu k everyone.

An Hero.

Holy ****!!!!! Use face cleanser to get rid of your zits. Wash your hair and cut it, shave daily, and start taking care of yourself. Once you got that right you will then start looking for a job, I dont care were, but you will find one, and you will work, and then I suggest you start going to pubs for drinks and meeting other people there. I would so spank your arse if you were my kid #justsaying.

you aren't worthless. :)

You're right, you are pathetic. Not for any of the reasons you think, however. You're pathetic and you will never amount to anything because you've already accepted it. You're a human being for ***** sake, DO something with your life. Don't throw a pity party on EP saying that you've had it so rough, you're only 19 dude. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18, but guess what? It's scary your first time, but then you realize you CAN do it, then you build confidence and move on.

I was never good at anything in school either, I'm a horrible student. But it's not about achieving top of the class, or being the best. School work is standardized, we're NOT standardized people. Find your niche, your passion, your artistic expression and cultivate it. Get off your ***, stop smoking weed and do something with your life, it's short, it's beautiful and it's a hell of a ride.

You're only as pathetic and ****** as you make yourself to be. You're your own worst enemy dude, it's not about how many times life throws you down; it's about how many time you get back up off your *** and move on. Life is hard for everyone, and we all have our stories. Stop being a *****, be the man that you are and make something of yourself. Prove yourself wrong

Shoot yourself in the ***

shut up please

Well lemme tell u sumthin Alejandro..well I'm a 17year old chick who has a family or do I..since I was a very young gal was always treated like **** always bullied in every single school I went to I always tot I had a father but only ta find out I never but I always saw by da way I was treated dat this aint no biological father...when I was 12 he raped me tried telln my family and thy didn't blv me..I was beaten blk and blue by 4family memmbers @ da same tym and he was da 5th person beatin me up cz he said I was disrespectin him and lowering his image..thy kicked me outa da house went ta stay with my grandparents than I was a child again then my grandpa died recently and thy came ta stay with us I always felt left out my 2half sistaz hate my guts I try bonding with my half brada but he doesn't seem intersted..whn its dinner tym thy all eat 2gead and tell me ta get outa da room..(Hy don't support me financilly or anyhow thy don't gv me food,money and thy took me outa school..I started misbehavin cz neva had love frm my parents started smokin drinkn partyn and every single fucken my mum colz me names like hoes,****,*****,good 4 nothin useless *****,thy took me ta da police once whn I was 15 and the police beat me blk and blue cz thy lied abt evrythn I always wish I could die but neva had da courage ta do dat I just sometimes wish I culd be hit by a car,train,bus I tried commitn suicide 3tymz neva worked.always had no Luck in love always heartbroken,sometimes I wish I was ugly so guys wnt approch me I just want da easiest yet painless way to fucken kill myself if I we're ta write every thing thy do to me @ home it wuld be a 78page story..plzzzz I wanna die just tell me how ta do it painlessly...alejandro Let's die 2geda..cz @ da end we will die so its better we die now!

It hurts inside doesn't it...the pain of loneliness, abandonment, failure and disbelief. The collective destruction of your world by those you thought you loved. I had that feeling...I had that pain. I enjoyed the pain, it was the only emotion they gave...It was the only emotion I understood. But then I looked at those that hated me; "this" was what they wanted. This was the me they wanted to create; the me they wanted gone; the me they wanted dead. They kept me alive for their pleasure; when I wanted the pain.

And then it happened...I changed. Then the day came, not for me, but for them. I stopped being the **** they wanted me to be. I stopped crying and sulking; moaning and drowning; hanging and cutting. I STOOD UP.

This life is MINE. Its not theirs, yours, her's, his'. ITS MINE. I will not cower in the face of disgust I WILL RELISH IN IT. If you want me dead then I will LIVE. If you want me to fall I will reach beyond the STARS just so I can laugh at you from above. I WILL NOT DIE.

You have told me your life story I'm afraid I cannot repay you with mine. You must understand that your wounds will heal, your bruises will settle and the pain will subside, but not if you give up.

You are not alone; we may not be beside you to hold and protect you, but you are not alone. You have friends here. Friends willing to go through hell and back with you just so we can make jokes and laugh along the way.

Pain will continue until the very end. If you're still feeling pain; then it is not the end.

Do NOT let them win.

Good luck princess.

Ohgoshie darling, you are beautiful. You are gorgeous, you are worth more than gold. You are a precious gem, and God loves you more than anything. You are on this world for a reason! You are more important than anything anyone could ever do. You are more valuable than ANYTHING. I want you to live, you are awesome amazing, and out of this world important. YOu may not have love from family, but I love you, GOD loves you. He has been with you this whole time. You have a testimony, turn your life around and use it to help others just like you. Babygirl, I need you in this world. Love, you are loved!!!! Don't waste this gift called life. I am praying for you! I LOVE YOU and I mean it babygirl!

SISTER YOU ARE GOING THROU HARD TIME BUT DONT THINK ABOUT SUISIDE THIS WONDERFULL GIFT OF LIFE IS NOT JUST LIKE THAT happy time will come in your life try to make a relation with GOD god loves you and he is closer to you than anyone in this WHOLE WORLD so go to THE ONE AND ONLY ONE GOD and ask him he will reward you for all your deeds on the JUGEMENT DAY so be prepare AND you are loved by millions dont fool yourself that you are alone WE ALL ARE SON AND DAUGHTER of ADAM , cheer up , do whatever you find amazing enjoy the freedom given to us by GOD , ADN DO good to yourself ,sister

Let me tell you something you have already figured out, life is tough. Its a piece of **** that with kick your *** over and over. It will knock you down and beat you while you scramble for breath. It will not stop or quit; it will not rest or sleep; it will not cower or wait. Life does not give up and THIS...is why we die.

But god dam it you will not die today. If life takes your dreams you GET THEM BACK! If it tears our your arms you KICK IT BACK! If it take out your legs you BITE IT BACK!

Now I can't stop you from your choices, you're going to have to stop yourself. Because there is only one person facing your life and that YOU. Its YOU vs the world, vs the bullies, vs the girls, vs the strangers, vs life. And you will CLAW and DIG IN with your FINGERNAILS at every chance you get to rise up. And when you fall...when you fail, when they laugh , and when you cry; You will stand up crying, you fight bleeding and you will win laughing. Life's got you on the ropes and either you fight back and walk out this ring a winner, or you will die.

Good luck soldier.

I'm 14 and thinking about suicide because I was being bullying at school and online ;( I got beaten, insulted, threatened death almost every day at school!! I barely even have friends at my class, I'm also being treated like **** at home. No point to live anymore, I curse the day I was born

Don't do it! It might be scary but go to the nurse say your sick. When you get there tell the Nurse. Someone will help you out! Things might be tough right now but they will work out in the end.