I often used to think about suicide. I remember one day going into my room and having to put away the pair of scissors sitting on my dresser because I was afraid I'd use them. I'd put away things I could use to hurt myself because I couldn't look at them as just being scissors or string or whatever, I could only see them as something I could use to hurt myself. But when I really contemplated about it, suicide, I realized that I didn't want to die. I knew I wouldn't be able to actually kill myself, because I really didn't want to die. I kept telling myself that I had people to live for now, and a future to live for where things would be better. I knew that I couldn't kill myself, but I did know that I could hurt myself, and those were the thoughts I battled more. But I like to think that I overcame those thoughts, since I haven't had them in a long while. Finally I can look at scissors as simply a thing to cut paper, not skin.
LiquidNight LiquidNight
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 16, 2007

I am happy you are doing better. Depression is a long, uphill battle. Your feelings give me hope for a better tomorrow.