Doesn't Make Sense

It was my grade 8 grad that i first tried to kill myself. I was so mad, and so lonely and i didn't know what to do. So i took my razor and tried to slit my wrist. I had thought about it long before that. I didn't really have any friends, and the few that i did, were only the ones that you talk to during class, sometimes. I thought about it, i wrote about it. Then i tried it. I didn't get very far. I just cut deep enough to draw blood, and then it felt like a huge amount of pressure went through that cut and out of my body. I have been cutting myself on and off since then. But the thought of suicide never really left my mind. I would draw it out. What i would do. I would imagine it. The person that would find me, they would try to save me. I could see the blood, flowing out of my body. It became a fantasy. I never really tried it again. But i always think about doing it. When i see a knife, a razor blade, a broken piece of glass. I don't even know why. I don't understand it. I don't want to die. I have a family and now a boyfriend that love me. So it just doesn't make any sense at all.

jaisikae jaisikae
26-30, F
Aug 10, 2007