I still daydream about committing suidcide and how I would do it.  I daydream about how I feel and look while doing whatever it is to end my life.  I daydream who will find me and ways of letting someone know that I've done it without letting my kids see me that way.  >Like ringing the police and saying that I will be dead from a gun shot and that I've left the door unlocked. I would make sure that I do not let them talk me out of it.  This is some of what I daydream and think about.  It's like have my own dvd player in my head.
mysticmum mysticmum
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 19, 2007

BearSpirit,<br />
I hope that things will look up for you.

The one thing about daydreaming about it is that you don't plan it, you just go through the motions of it in your head. I have done that so often too. Since I was 18. I am 45 now. The feelings have left the dream stage and moved onto the planning stage but something always holds me back. Maybe family or guilt, not sure. I have some pretty strong med's for pain and I often thing of taking them all at once. There would be enough to stop my heart from beating. But then I dream about how people would feel if I did it. Mainly my family. They care so much about me. I don't know, I may do it or not. I would prefer to do it and get it over with. Back to dreaming I suppose, for now

There is no flawless suicide, this is why 9/10 fail.