I Just Dont Know

I am so hurt in my relationship.  My OH just wants to spend all his free time drinking and occassionally doing drugs with his 'friends'  We have been together just over 10 years and I am no longer in the best of health though nothing life threatening.  Sometimes when I ask him things he just grunts as an answer.  i have been so frustrated recently that i have exploded on two ocassions.  I know I have said somthings I shouldnt have said when I exploded but its been because I am hurting so much.  I now feel that I have got nowhere to turn.  I gave up my home and everything when we moved in together.  He had no income so for years I kept us. I paid for everything - Mortgage - all bills - insurance and otgoings on two cars - food - the lot. the money I had has now gone.  He is now working  and getting good money but still expects me to pay more than I can.  He now pays the mortgage but nothing else.  He always makes comments that I should 'open my purse'  I am living on my overdraft as it is.  All his money is going on drink and gambling.  I think that if I could turn back time i would walk away from him but now I am left with nothing and a poor credit reference so cant get anywhere.  I have gone from owning a nice home and having nice friends to having nothing but 2 beautiful dogs who we rescued nearly 10 years ago.  I cant just walk away with nowhere to go and I certainly cant leave the dogs behind as I dont think he would care for them either.  I feel like ending it all for me and both of my dogs.  The only reason I havent done this up to now is that I have some family who would never forgive themselves for not seeing what situation I was in.  I dont want to turn to my family (1 brother only) as he has his own life to live.
proudtobeme proudtobeme
51-55, F
4 Responses Aug 21, 2007

I just wanted to say thankyou for taking the time to read my post and to comment. Its good to know that other people care enough to give you that few moments. I am feeling much better now. One or two of my problems have been sorted or much improved and this has made a great difference to me. I'm sending you all a hug :) Thanks again :)

Feeling trapped is the worst way to feel. Try to find some time to simply sit and feel the air. It feels better.

Thankyou for taking the time to read and reply to my posting. Today I feel a little better. I have had much encouragement from an old friend. Its good to know that a stranger can read my story and take the time to reply. I dont know my way around this site very well but with a little more practice I may be able to thankyou directly. Thanks again, xx

Your pain must be very great indeed.<br />
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I really think you should talk to someone about how you are feeling and your situation.<br />
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You *feel* hopeless and helpless, but this is probably because you are depressed. There is nothing hopeless about your situation, and it is very possible to turn your life around. <br />
<br />
When you think about your problem, is the ONLY problem just money?<br />
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Because if that is the case, then there is *always* a way to change things around. <br />
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There are many women about the EP who are escaping from bad situations, you are not alone.