At Last A Window

I have thought about this for the last 25 years. I have tried several times but now see a perfect window of opportunity. I know I can actually disappear. It will be clean and no one will ever really know. I just have to slowly back away to the door and try to leave no traces. What I cant give away without making people suspicious I can easily burn or bury. I have set myself a 6 month goal for this. I am considering a double hit putting myself in a hole and taking a huge amount of Valium with carbon dioxide fed into the hole. My only issue is the closing of the hole and sealing it afterwards. I am sure I willl be able to figure this out within this time. I am beginning to look for places in the alps no-one goes so as to allow me to now be found in the near future..

well thats about it, i know i can achieve this. I know I can do this easily.

 

Just to add, this isnt a wah wah feel sorry for me, I am actually happy i have at last the opportunity to carry this out. I have had depression for the last 25 years of my life and I think most people will agree enough is enough. For the first time in ages i feel content and now i see an end in sight I wouldnt say happy but relieved.

We are a very sad species and at times i wonder as to whether depression in merely heightened awareness.

paulcar paulcar
41-45, M
3 Responses Mar 1, 2010

"We are a very sad species and at times i wonder as to whether depression in merely heightened awareness."<br />
<br />
Agreed. And the world will NOT get any better, it's just perfecting slavery to the point the slaves think they are free of their corporate masters.

same here,i was a teen when i first tried to take my life and its never gone away,ill be sad it had to come to that but happy too that your hurt is over,i hope my hurt will end soon too

Don't worry, I will give you no bullshit. I just wanted to let you know I understand and agree with your reasoning. I hope that you finally find the peace you deserve whether you go through with your plan or not. *hugs*