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At Times I Just sit Back And Think What If.....

like what would be different if the man who raised me where still alive? What if i had gotten an abortion when my on again off again fiancee asked me to? If i had stayed in college when i graduated? If i had been able to get a scholarship for school instead of having to pay for it myself. What if i still got along with my mother and she had a healthy relationship with my bro and sis? What if i had gotten married the first time he proposed (or the second, or the third)? How would i be different if i were raised by my father instead of my mother? Could i have really become a model? How different would my childhood have been if my mother didn't have mental problems? How different would my fiancee's mother treat me if she knew what all I've gone thru? How much more confident i would be with a strong support system?
hurtssobad2 hurtssobad2 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 1, 2010

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Yup, once in a while we all might succumb to those what if wonderings. But since we only get one go around (I believe, but wish it were not so) we do the best we can after the fact. And there is not a one of us in the whole world who doesn't think something might have turned out better if....

Dorobo is a wise one. That's why he is my friend, too. :-)

thanks for your input,dorobo. I think that my gift and curse is that i have just always wanted everyone that i love and care about to be happy. Sometimes my own wants and needs take a backseat. Only the decision to have my child is the one i am most proud of myself for. Even though, by choosing to have her i lost my best friend at the time (bf), i had to stand up and make a decision at the time that would affect 3 lives for good or bad.

I just wanted to get out a lot of thoughts and questions that i think about on what if.

You have hit a sore spot for most of us. There are many trails we could have wandered down when we came to a cross roads in our life. But, the important thing is, we made a choice and it resulted in events: some of them happy and some not. This is a mortal happening. We have free will and we exercise it all the time. Sometimes we are happy with the results and sometimes not. The truth is that we have no time machine to go back and make a different choice. So, the simple truth is that where we are is mainly the result of our reactions to our choices. I too have regrets...a lot. But, no amount of regrets nor focusing on what might have been will change anything. I can only control how I react to life. I'm in charge of my own destiny to a great degree. Life doesn't give us second chances to correct the past but each minute we have an opportunity to make better choices (if we understand the options). Wish I could hug you and make the past go away but no one can do that. As my wife frequently tells me, "suck it up and move on". She says this in love and so do I.