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My Daughter Is Emotionally Draining Me.

I have a daughter who will soon be 17. I also have a son who is 20 and another daughter who is 18. My son recently got married to a girl that does not like or respect me, our family, our religious beliefs or our personal values. This is difficult for all of us, and she has verbally attacked me on a number of occasions. To be fair, I respond with anger and I yell.

My youngest daughter has been dating a boy for a little over a year and a half. They have worked hard at becoming true friends and until a few months ago I believe he truly loved her. They are not physically intimate... AT ALL. They have maintained the right boundaries. My daughter is, however, quite difficult. I don't understand how anyone could treat others the way that she does. She lashes out over the tiniest thing, then apologizes for her anger, but maintains that it is BECAUSE of what someone else did/said/thought. She literally drove this boy away and she does not even see it.

Meanwhile, because they have become best friends, he is still texting her and telling her he is sorry he broke up with her. What he really means is that he is sorry he HURT her. He has also told her he still loves her. She asked if it was as friends and he of course, not wanting to hurt her more, said it was more than friends. The violent emotional response she gave when the broke up probably scared him. It scared me. I know that she will get through this, but he is also the very first truly close friend she has ever had.

I have asked her to have no contact with him, but she refuses. When I try to get her phone away from her she loses it and becomes violent. I wish it were just a case of her being spoiled , but it isn't. She is also in denial about the break-up and over eating. I am so frustrated and sick of the drama. UGH

Thanks for listening.
thouroughlyhurt thouroughlyhurt 46-50, F 1 Response Jun 5, 2012

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If the time you are going through in the roller coaster ride of parenting is not the hardest one, thouroughlyhurt, it has to be in the top five. I remember it well with my own, and am helping my fiancee struggle through it as well. From experience -- wishing you peace and patience, it does end, just like diapers and PTA meetings.<br />
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May I suggest, though, that you can help them get there by consciously gathering up all your caring parental feelings and putting them away in a memory box for now? They will instinctively push back at any impression they get of you trying to manage their lives -- which often means, basically, anything more than saying "hello, dear, how was your day" -- and if you get a civil response, consider yourself blessed. Think of them as you would for a neighbor or coworker who is clearly having problems, but who you don't know well enough to advise.<br />
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You did the hard, hard work of raising them and giving them an example of how to live their lives. Now it is time for them to make their own way, their own mistakes -- often tragic, life-bending mistakes that will leave you hammering on the door in frustration. Didn't you raise them better? You did. But now, they have to choose for themselves.<br />
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It is best for them. Trust in the Maker to guide them, let them fly<br />
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and be confident in your heart that they will return to you, scarred but beautiful and proud of what they have done.