Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Difficulties of Parenting

I'm a mother to a wonderful, beautiful 14 month old boy, whom I love more than I can ever express in words.  He is my everything and I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to be a mother in the first place. Yet I can't get over how difficult it is to always be a good parent. 

Before I became a parent I was a school teacher and I knew how wonderful it was to be part of a childs life and I assumed I also knew its difficulties.  Being in the position where I was always in contact with different children and their parents, it gave me the opportunity to evaluate different parenting styles and I thought I knew exactly what I was going to do when I became a parent.  It was so easy to cast judgment on the parent who seemed to have lost control over their child and looked helplessly in your eyes for help.  I knew then that I didn't want to be that parent.  There was also the perfect mom, who was super organized and super hyper about everything her child did and didn't do and whas just a super conrol freak.  I knew that wasn't me either.  So I admired the moms who seemed to have this perfect balance of having the respect of their child but also having this loving, open, fun relationship with their child. 

Here I am now, with 14 months of parenting under my belt, yet I feel so hopless at times like its the first day home from the hospital all over again.  Rght when I'm getting the hang of things and trying to find a balance between my childs personality and my own expectations he goes and changes on me and I have to start all over again discovering him while trying to hold on to my beliefs and certain standards.  I always feel at conflict and I really don't know what to do about it.  I want to be friendly and loving with my child but I also want him to respect me and acknolege me as some sort of authority.  I want my child to be healthy and eat all the nurtritious organic foods yet I also want him to be a child and eat candy and ice cream and all the things you don't get to eat once you're an adult and realize their nutritional values.  I want him to be adventurous and take risks but I'm deathly afraid of having him get hurt. 

So while all these thoughts are swimming in my head at all times of day my boy is being a rambuctious little rascal who isn't afraid to test his limits and my own at every turn of discovering this new world around him.  If i'm patient enough, in his own little way, my son shows me exactly what he needs. Now to work on being patient...
blueangel blueangel 26-30, F 33 Responses Jul 13, 2006

Your Response


I'm with you... Five years later I have read every book on spirited, difficult. Explosive children... Not to blame the child we have taken parenting classes, I personally have seen a psychologist and after doctor and teacher nod.. My bright, amazing but extremely defiant son is also seeing a psychologist... Needed professional help. This is not what I thought parenting was about. I'm so good at my job. Great with other kids but sooo poor at the most important job in my life... I have tried to get real help and at this moment I just need empathy.... Thank you.

haha. Everyone who isnt a mother yet swears they know what its like to have kids because they are in a postion where they work with kids everyday. I dont care if you are a sister or brother who took care of your siblings, I dont care if you babysit your neices, nephews, cousins, neighbors kids almost every day of your life, I dont care if you are a teacher for 20 years, you NEVER know what its like to truely be a mother/father until you actually are one and then you see how hard it really is. This post by the OP just proves my point.

It doesn't seem to matter what age they are or whether theya re a boy or a girl. <br />
<br />
I'm kinda new to this also, but in an entirely different manner. <br />
<br />
Though it doesn't always work (at least not yet), set goals, set standards (parenting is a 24 hour a day job) and set expectations! Rewards for successes, smaller rewards for trying hard and an honest effort.<br />
<br />
oh, you WILL be judged! :) (that goes back to the 24 hour a day rule)<br />
<br />
good luck and have fun with your little boy

sometimes i give anything not to be a single mom of a rambunctious 20 months old. my son is driving me up the wall with his behaving in a way i did not want him to misbehaved. but that is life. being single mom is hell, i didn't choose it this way, alone in raising a child.

Was**** learn too spell.

I am mom to 2 young boys and it is the best most frustrating thing I've ever done. The best advice I was given was:<br />
<br />
choose your battles - sometimes it's just not worth the stress<br />
<br />
Try not to worry so much about they style or type of parent you want to be. Just be there for him and be consistent. The fact that you're worrying about what food he should eat etc shows you're a good parent. Enjoy every moment.

Posted by BentleysMomma on August 16th, 2011 at 05:13PM<br />
Okay so you most envee me a TON! because first of all you have an account on here pretending to be me, and writting stories saying that "you hate fakers" and then you add me to that saying that i faked my pregnancy and everythinng! you are very low. i went throught 9 months of ups and downs! 9 months of doctors appoitments! 9 months of having my cervix checked. imthe one who went to the hospital and pushed an 8lb 7oz baby out of my vagina! im the one who sat at the hospital and cried hwn my son had meconium asperation when he came out and didnt breath & had to be air lifted to another hospital with a NICU! im the one who got deprressed because i didnt hole me baby for 3 days and didnt get to bring him home for 2 weeks! im the one who gets up all hours of the night to feed a crying baby! im the one who is raising this child! not YOU honey! Can anyone/everyone report her ---> "kayytiee" <--- spelt just like that! you can add me on facebook and confirm this with me if youd like!<br />
<br />
<br />
THANK YOU.<br />

Dear Blueangel,<br />
I believe that one true, visible MIRACLE in this life is to see one's child born unto this earth. Blueangel, I can tell you recognize this as well, and that you love your son very much. I know how that overwhelming feeling of "ah god its too much" can grab ahold of us sometime, it's a scary, unpleasant feeling, I know! Your love for the little guy will keep you going, no matter what crazy stuff he does and how frustrating being a parent tends to be nearly all of the time! <br />
<br />
Love and best wishes to you and your family!<br />
Jorn<br />
<br />
P.S. My kids are 6yrs old and 3 months old, both boys.

Being a parent is one of the most difficult job we could have in our entire life, yet the most fulfilling as well. The thought of deciding to enroll my son in a boarding school someday, scares me. It's like being failed with my task/responsibility as a parent.

I totally agree with you. I also have a cousin who was so rebellious over his parents. I was thinking of how my aunt guided him as he grew up, I became judgmental. He was sent to a boarding schoolbecause of that since his parents could not control him any longer. I just hope that I could handle my son well, he just turned 1 last month.<br />
<br />

You pretty much described my dilemma with this parenting thing. I am in the process of finding that balance between control freak tiger mom and ultra liberal practically absent parent. Both are, of course, ridiculously ineffective ways to parent. Extremism in any matter never really produces a good result. I know this and many people know this but we still dont trust our instincts! Why is this? Why dont we just do what we believe is correct and never give it another thought? Is it the media? Is it the vast amount of information people and institutions are tossing at us? Is it our faulty childhoods or perhaps childhoods that were too perfect? What is it? Id like to know what holds me back from believing I'll produce good kids. I have a few ideas now its time to sort them out, and let the negative thoughts go. Believe in yourself and be conscious of what you are doing and saying always. MAybe that is the key.

I did it the other way - I was a parent before becoming a teacher :-)<br />
I agree parenting is the hardest job, but its also the most rewarding. Sure there have been dark and difficult time in the 14 years I have had my daughter (though most were linked to her dad), but she has also given me the best moments of my life. Though now I'm getting to the hold on stage as she becomes her own person (I've been told: teach them while u can, hold on for their teens, and be relieved in their 20s).<br />
I love hearing pregnant parents discussing what their plans are and how their child is going to do this and that, then comparing it to a few months later as they realise "their baby" is a person in their own right and has their own needs, wants and personality. I find this dawning of reality so cute.

You are the perfect parent, who is raising the perfect baby. Relax and enjoy the ride. Your relationship with your child will change on a daily basis, and as they grow older. What has helped me through my 11 years of being a parent, is to establish a night-time ritual. Which has changed as my childern have grown. It use to be short little whinnie the pooh books, now we take turns reading pages of Harry Potter books. But I also take that time to ask them about therir day. I also always tell them that Jesus loves them and I do too. Plus, we try to take time together to pray as a family. In the last 4 years I have started writing in a diary every night about the struggles we face as a family, These are my prayers of love I send out to them everyday. I talk about what their day was like and how I view their personalitys. I lost my mom 2 months before my first child was born, so I want these dairy's to be there for them when they are parents. I want to give them in-sight to know that I, as a parent struggled with too, but always with love. I once read an artical where a teen was having a difficult time and fighting with her parents. And her mom gave her a love-note she wrote to her child when she was younger, and it helped their relationship out, because by seeing it written, she knew she was loved and could refer back to it when-ever she felt down on herself. I hope this helps. May God Bless you. Mother of a 11 year old girl, 8 year old boy, and 5 year old girl.

I can relate. I have a son who will turn three this year. I adore him and am truly blessed. He's God's gift to my husband and me. However, there are times when he really tries our patience. Many times we have to tell him to stop keeping so much noise. We live in a condo and we don't want him to disturb the neighbors. We tell him to keep it down because people are still sleeping. When he gets too excited and active, we tell him to settle down or he'll hurt himself. We have to tell him to tidy up his room numerous times. We tell him not to speak to strangers. We do all of these things out of love. We want to keep him safe, teach him to be responsible and to be considerate of others. <br />
<br />
We have to remind him that when we tell him to do something or not to do something, he must obey us. We are his parents. And when he answers us with just a "Yes" or a "No" we immediately remind him of whom he is speaking to. He must always say, "Yes, Mommy" or "No, Daddy". And we teach him to always say, "Please" and "Thank you" If he doesn't ask for something properly we won't give it to him. <br />
<br />
There are times though, when he is very helpful and thoughtful. When I am upset about something, he would ask, "Are you okay, Mommy?" He would bring my slippers and set them down at my feet. He would help me make the bed and set the table. So, there are times when he drives me up the wall and then there are times when we would enjoy fun moments like eating frozen yogurt, dancing and doing sing-alongs. He would want me to pick him up and I would when I am not too busy. Sometimes I feel guilty when he wants my attention but I am in the middle of doing something. I tell him that as soon as I am done I will take care of him. Or I feel bad when I get upset and I scold him and he says to me, "I want hug." I don't like raising my voice or getting angry but there are times when speaking to him in a quiet but firm voice doesn't work.<br />
<br />
Parenting is not easy. We worry about our children. We worry about bringing them up well. We worry that they might not turn out the way we hope they would. We worry about their safety. We worry, worry, worry. Now we can appreciate our own parents because they went through what we are now going through.<br />
<br />
Don't be hard on yourself. The bottom line is you love your child and you want what's best. Patience is a virtue. It's not easy to exercise. I guess the best thing to do is to remember that our children are going through stages and help them along as best as we can.

I agree: don't beat yourself up, trust your instincts (and your knowledge and experience) and do what you think is best in the moment. As you so clearly pointed out, it will be different the next moment! Just to keep you on your toes. :) If you make a mistake, admit it and move on, all the while maintaining that you are the mommy. That way he feels safe but you model that it's okay to admit when we're wrong. <br />
<br />
I have found the most peace of mind hearing from experts that a lot of this is biological! All the hormones of being a mother change who we are and how we process and respond. There's nothing wrong with you-- you're just a mommy now! Use that wonderful biology with all your (quite obvious) intelligence and Love that blessed child. And play as much as you can. <br />
<br />
I have worked and have been a stay-home mother and being a mother is much harder! I'm pretty much a patient person overall and I waited until I was older so I KNEW I was ready, and parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done! But I love every aching minute of it and wouldn't trade for anything.

i know parenting is not an easy task but if you will do it with <br />
dedication im sure you will learn to love this and when syour child will <br />
be having there family you find the role of you as a parent....<br />
so it must persue the reproductive health bill in our economy so that <br />
every parents would handle ther responsibility well.........................

Now you know how GOD feels about His children and how they behave. <br />
<br />
GOD is patient, forgiving, disciplinarian and always unconditional love. He teaches and guides us and it's up to us to follow. <br />
<br />
It will be the same with your son and you.<br />
<br />
GOD Bless

a very wise women told me that the greatest gift you can give your children is to be happy - I wish she had told me that earlier - you love you child. he is a gift - strive to be happy, it is all you need

I really like your comment at the end, "my son shows me exactly what he needs". I have found this to be totally true. Kid are naturally creative, resourceful and whole when we empower them, trust and believe in them and accept them. Sounds like you're doing all these things. It's certainly not always easy. I work for a company that has a blog about sharing stories on parenting - you can find it if you do a google search for Parentology Blog. Good luck!

I would far rather a child that can be too energetic and too boisterous than one who cannot. There are too many children that do not have a voice... that live with some type of negativity in their family but because that is all they know would never tell you something was wrong... PATIENCE is tough but hopefully after the years pass a parent's reward is a productive adult member of society... You do the best you can... you teach them such things as respect and values... hopefully it all works out.

Try not to beat yourself up about whether it is all going to plan or not, there is no right or wrong way, try and relax a little more. Kids play up often to see how far they can push boundaries and to see your reaction. It is a difficult road, my children are now 14 and 18 and I still don't have all the answers. Do try and chill a little and take time out of being with your child, which is both good for them and yourself - you don't say whether you work or not, I'm not suggesting full-time but it is healthy to be with other adults now and again. It will all be fine i'm sure but as I said there is no right or wrong way but you do need to relax a bit more.

Parenting is hard! My son is 14 years old and I am sure you are harder on yourself than you should be. The fact that you care so much is evident of that! Never be afraid to ask for help! My advice would be to use your own strengths to parent (your strengths are unique) and be intentional... many times we do things out of habit, its easier or we are rushing but just remember to always be present and intentional with your words and actions and that can help you become a stronger parent and advocate for your child. Think about the kinda of adult you want your baby to become and parent with that in mind. I know you will do a great job! Good luck to you! :)

I think that Step parenting is a terrible job when you have step kid that is spoiled and likes to slap their parent in the face when they don't get their way. this kid wants me to do more things with them than my own kids. she wants me to blow money on her and also take her to school and make my own kids ride the bus. my hubby does nothing. i feel like sometimes just walking out.

Your missing the bigger picture. Your not wrong, your never wrong, everyday is a gift with your child. You get to wake up to his smile, his laughter, you get to be by his side while he discovers himself and the world around him. Its easy to lose sight of this when we stress a lot over nothing. When we let our worries consume us and fear the worst possibilities. Fact is, this is what is meant for, to experience all the pain that comes with the joy, that bad that comes with the good. The crying with the smiles. Hold your head up high, and trust yourself, cuz when you lose trust in your ability to be the best parent you can be then you turn into one of "those" parents who lost all control. Life is meant for discovery. You'll do fine. Just be honest to yourself that your human, you will make mistakes...we all do.

I have three kids, two girls and a son. My son is the youngest and once he began walking and talking, I knew this was gonna be hard. Boys are so different from girls and I was in for such a shock. Sometimes I wonder were he came from. Boys are wild and busy and hard headed. It is the hardest and also the best job in the world. And I am going thru now making sure my son as a male presence in his life. My friends are telling me lots of men grew up in single parent homes and turned out well rounded. But I know for my son he is gonna need that male mentor, and my husband is not doing what I expected-thats another story. <br />
But I have found that spanking and yelling don't work as a all the time thing. We have to discipline our children so they know right from wrong. But we also have to be calm and communicate with them on their level so they really hear what we are saying. PATIENCE is so hard but it is valuable when dealing with your kids. <br />
And I have seen that our children are a reflection of what we show them, teach them and think we are hiding from them.

Im not a parent, but I am a son. I've been trying to figure out why some kids cause their parents more trouble then others, and by looking at the kids I grew up with, I have a theory. <br />
As long as you love your kid, AND always TRY to be a good parent, they will turn out alright. All parents make mistakes but as long as you love and try, everything seems to work out.<br />
<br />
Of course, I dont know. Im only 21, but I like to think that this is true. good luck and god bless.

You are so right about it being the hardest job! Now that my son is fully grown and I have an almost grown granddaughter, I wonder how we all survived. My best advice to you is to be consistent and loving. Don't be too indulgent, just b/c it's easy. be firm, but not rigid. Teach him to have responsibilities and to make decisions. Choose your battles. Some are just not worth the fight; some are.respect him, and teach him to respect others. Challenge him mentally. You are blessed to have him, but you may wonder about that when he is a teenager! Don't give up on him when he gets difficult -- be consistent. Eventually, it will make a good impression.

parenting is the toughest job out there I agree. I am also a preschool teacher and deal with the young ones. the youngest I have is one and HE IS EVERYWHERE....<br />
<br />
I am soooooooo happy when naptime comes its not funny.<br />
<br />
the thing about children is there is a no refund policy. with me they go home. =)<br />
<br />
hang in is important

Its a tough old road sometimes but the rewards are immeasureable. Two of my brood of four have left home now and are studying hundreds of miles from here. They are happy, confident, considerate people and I like to think I must have done something right along the way. I'm proud of how they've turned out!

I was the same way!! I worked with Autistic kids for five years before my kid was born. Everyone told me how "wonderful" and "well behaved" my children would be...hahahahahahahahahahahahahaa<br />
<br />
You're right, it is easy to pass judgment on someone when you're up there in that "educated' "authority figure" position. When I got where they were, man, I wanted to blush! I'm thinking - here's my kid, completely typcial, and I can hardly handle him. Look at these people with their special needs kids! They didn't kill themselves. They need a trophy or something!