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Mr. Nice Guy

I remember a few months ago I was complaining about how much I was fed up of being the nice guy to everyone, with the occasional feeling of being used or being taken for granted, and I had somehow convinced myself to push away whoever caused me some sort of pain and hurt.

But recently I have realized that it's sort of a blessing to be nice, because it's nice people that change the world bit by bit. Like Gandhi once said "You must be the change you want to see in the world".

I really came to this conclusion when an old flame of mine contacted me to express her sympathy of my father's passing, and we started chatting off and on to catch up on old times. After a few weeks of this on and off chatting she ended up getting pregnant by her abusive ex-boyfriend whom she had just recently broken up with; now she is one of the people who I had distanced myself from because of the heartache that I went through being with her.

Upon seeing the distress, panic, and stress that she was going through, the natural thing to me was to console her and just help her come to terms with what is going on so she has a clear mind to prepare for things. Later that night I wondered to myself, "why am I helping her with all of this when she caused me so much pain? Would other guys do the same? Will I get taken for granted again?" But the truth of it all is that, in times like this when someone feels like they've hit rock bottom and they can't think right because of what's going on, if there isn't that someone who you can turn to with a shoulder to cry on, then all is lost. I really don't care if other guys would do the same, or if I will be taken for granted, but instead I see someone who needs help and I gladly take that role regardless of the outcome because it's just the right thing to do and no matter what happens in the long run, knowing that I did the right thing is most important.
rajiv123 rajiv123 22-25, M 76 Responses Jun 16, 2011

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I have been in your spot many times. I help any one and every one I can. I have been taken for grande by many of them.
How can you not help tho? For example if a man on the street asked you for money to get a meal. You may know that he's going to use it for a beer, drugs what ever but how would you feel if he truly is hungery and you said no ?
Even the people that use you today may down the road see that you really changed there life.
Keep doing what your doing and I'm sure it will pay off in the end

I do the same. I also helped one, after she broke my heart, and her that times BF too (she broke up with him too, as she came to REALIZATIONS lol). And I still help people, even though they are not nice to me. It is not about being friend or things, it is about humanity. But the point is, I don't let anyone use me. I have priorities, and even though I help those little ************* s, if there is a conflict of priorities, **** the ************* - my priority comes first.

that is the niciest thing i ever read!

I admire you, never change. :) You'll one day find that special one for you if you have not yet found her. Best wishes to you. ;)

It's important to be nice, very true, what you give you will get back 10 times they say. But there are limits.<br />
What do you do with a stepdaughter who is full of lies, being helped financial many times, tears up your car, gave her kids away to us so we can take care of them and then claims her kids on her taxes instead of letting us file them and makes a dispute against our filing (so it's on hold now) and still asks for more money, cusses her mom out, tells her we're not able to raise her kids, tells everybody we didn't help her, we offered her to stay with us but then she ran away, leaving her children behind, all that to be with a 19yr old bf (she's 27).?<br />
No respect at all, no thanks and all she thinks about is herself.

Words Are Not Deeds And May Create A False Impression.Everyone Knows A Nice Talk And Think They Are Kind, We Can Not Judge Ourself Because Our Eyes May Be Lying.<br />
Believers, All Religions And Sects Are So Many.....They All Think They Are Good And Kind,But The World Is Still Not A Nice Place To Live. Why ?<br />
But I Still Believe There Are Enough Good People That The World Survives.<br />
The Most Important Word In All The Nation's Is Love.From Such A Feeling Comes Everything Else.<br />
Being Kind Is A Very Healthy.

I believe we are in this world to give love and Kindness. Sometimes its tough to be gentle and kind.<br />
I read once that forgiveness is the highest form of love.<br />
You my friend just graduated to the next highest level of emotional intelligence and existence.

Mr. Nice Guy,Sometimes Called A Fool.<br />
But I Think To Be Mr. Nice Guy Means To Be Happy.<br />
It Does Not Matter If I'm A Fool,I Want To Be Happy.<br />
Kindness Is Contagious....Let Us Start From.

Ok, Let's get something stright: You distance yourself from people for a reason. In most cases they are not healthy for you to be around. In some cases they are dangerous (not intentionally). Think about if you had a healthy normal family of your own which you probably don't because you are involved with losers: would you want your kids and spouse exposed to this kind of drama and example ? What happens when her unstable loser boyfriend goes off the deep end and comes after you ? <br />
<br />
In any case even if the above is not true you are enabling the trend of their irresposible lifestyle by making it easier to cope with their bad descisions.

wish i can be like you. i'm being nice to people who never appreciate it. but, i dont care. as long as i'm happy. ^____^

You sound like a true gentleman, kind and honest. Karma will not forget :)

That is so great rajiv :) This shows what a truly big heart you have that you could help and console her. You have put your hurt aside and it sounds like you have forgiven her. I'm sure she is sorry for hurting you too. You can see karma at work here in a way. I do believe any blessings of kindness you bestow on any person some back to your heart to give you joy. I believe in the laws of the universe. I love your kind, peaceful, giving wonderful personality. I'm blessed to have you as my friend too :)

you ***..... enjoy being the beta boy girls unload their emotional baggage onto whilst she unloads her sexual frustration onto the alpha. You know it's true!

some people just see and do things differently, thanks for the comment though

just do what you think is right...that is all

I can identify myself with you, there was a time in which I started questioning my acts of kindness for the same reasons as yours. Then I realized that changing or trying to change would make miserable, i realized that I love being that way, i love seeing people happy and if I can help them be happier then I'll be happier too. One thing that you always have to remember is that u can NEVER EVER PLAY THE ROLE OF THE VICTIM. If you think of yourself as a victim, you will never get out of your self-pity, for example, if you help someone it's because you chose to, you cannot expect for the other person to return it and if they dont appreciate it, well, next time you'll think twice about doing it, but you if you chose to help them again and u get dissapointed once more it's not the other person's fault, as they say "fool me once, shame on you , fool me twice, shame on me". Take care and be happy!

Your a f$&@$In *****! People like her need to learn the HARD way. It's idiots like YOU that stop and retard these peoples personal growth. Yeah she hit rock bottom, doest mean she'll kill herself. She will be just very sad miserable and depressed. This is GOOD thing because it forces her to think how she got there. But you being there is distracting her from staying on the dirt bottom where she needs to learn. Your a CUSHON that she shouldn't have. She should hit rock bottom HARD, and it should HURT. Your depriving her of that. It's because of ******* like you that Ppl like her can keep making the same mistakes over and over, and other Ppl ask "how could she have not learned from all the stuff she's been through?". What your doing is emotional welfare. People on welfare never hit rock bottom so they don't fight to get out. They become complacent, they don't grow. Good job *******!

I see what you're saying, and I agree with you to an extent...yes I'd leave someone to their mistakes if it were something like getting drunk and crashing their car, or some dumb stuff like that but in this specific case I disagree with you.....thanks for commenting though

Did you get your **** sucked anyway whilst she was pregnant with her baby daddy's baby?. You deserve it more than the other guy.

It is good to do good things just because you want to. While there are so many ignorant people who take you for granted, there will be others who can see how different you are and will appreciate you. I hope there are more guys like you in the world.

thanks, I really appreciate it!

I think it is great to be nice to someone who is down. We all need to lean on someone sometimes. I have been in need at times and my friends have been there for me. However, they know that I will be there for them if they are having a rough time. You need to ask yourself if this person will just use you and then abandon your friendship. There can be a fine line between being helpful and being a doormat. Of course, some are fine with being doormats.

i feel your pain im the same way an sounds something like what im going through just no babys invalved we got back together for alittle while an al it did for me was to make me fall in love with her again but she dont want that she just wants to be friends i just cant do that an cant deal with seeing her an not be able to show my love for her so what do i do walk away or stay friends with her ?

I'd say to put it all out on the table, I was in that position once too and keeping all my feelings bottled up really tore me up inside. Luckily we were able to talk everything through and then we settled on being friends, she's dating another guy now but I have come to respect her decisions and be happy for her. I did have to distance myself from her after we had the discussion though, it wasn't easy but better for me in the long also helped us just be friends.

I hope that you're able to figure things out between you and the girl you like, I know how much of a burden it can be emotionally.

yes be ther for her your a nice guy but dont fall in love with her its to painfull been ther

Sometimes distancing ourselves for a while to give ourselves time to heal is a good thing. It may be tough to go back and help someone who hurt us, but it is a blessing to do so. Being good to someone is always good. Sometimes they don't appreciate it, but somewhere down the road, it will have an effect on them.

Very Touching and nice to know that there are still people in the world to give themselves to others.<br />
In this world there are Takers & Givers and it's obvious which one you are.<br />
My belief is to do what is right and what you believe in your heart so that you can walk with your head held high knowing you have done the right thing.<br />
Also Karma...what goes around comes around....and that certainly is true.<br />
<br />
One more point...Do you find that when YOU need help & friends around doesn't happen?

yes I have realized that, but strangely enough I'm not the kind of guy that asks for help...I try to figure things out on my own, I know it's not healthy but I am working on becoming more transparent to people

Thank you! I've read all of these comments and have come to realize that there are people who have abandoned being nice because of the hurt that comes with being taken for granted. I too know how that feels but I just can't take the uncomfortable feeling I get when I know that I didn't help when I could.

Hey mr. nice guy, you know smeone once told me, " everyone is born to be a blessing to someone", so luckily, u were born to be a blessing to everyone, good for you. So be yourself and you'll be happy


I believe that you are probably one of the most well rounded young men in your age group. I have seen the pain people cause each other, especially when one has been hurt by the other. The fact that you can rise above shows you are caring and compassionate, and someday someone will come along who appreciates all that you are. Never settle for less.

Thank you

I have gone thru the samethings. Sometimes you feel really used and taken for granted.<br />
But I guess it makes you feel better about yourself in the long run. And holding a grude will hurt you.

Best bunch of posts I have read yet. It sound as tho everybody has their eyes wide open and the advice or comments are well thot out. Good job to all of you. Keep up the good thinking....

I couldn't agree more!

Most in your situation would not help her, they will think only of number one. Life for them is all about I. I can't help but think of this verse.<br />
<br />
Mt 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;<br />
<br />
Many would have thrown that woman under the bus, you didn't, hopefully this good deed will help her understand the path she has taken is the wrong one and lead her to the right path.<br />
<br />
I might add, keep on being the nice guy, the nice guy can have an honest clear conscience.

It is amazing, how many people responded to your story. People, these days, seemed very concerned about this issue - how to truly relate to others. With your attitude, you respect everyone in the situaltion. Your attitude is truly loving (which doesn't always look the way we expect it to). When I was first trying to get sober, 20 years ago, I asked a cleryman, who was also in AA, how to be spiritual (as AA suggested I be). He told me to do one nice thing for someone, each day, and take no credit for it. It is a place to start to understand how being human really works.