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A Conversation With My 11 Yr. Old Daughter

Yesterday we were out shopping. I was at the lingerie department shopping for comfortable cotton underwear.  I always prefer boyshorts and those have a tendency to come in wild colors and prints.  I had a handful of them in my hand and couldn't decide which ones to buy.  So I turn to my daughter and ask her which ones did she like?   She says to me...does it matter?  No one is going to see it anyways.  I answer back....well maybe I can get lucky.  She screams and says that it hurt her ears to hear that!

Then she says...Ma please,  put a condom on it!  We don't need any babies around.  I ask her what does she know about using condoms?  She reminds me that against her will she was forced to sit through a puberty lecture at school last year.  I'm always brutally honest witih her so I tell her, honey, condoms aren't 100% effective.  She says, yeah I know Mom.  That's why you're suppose to stop and check it every few minutes to make sure it doesn't break.  Then I scream and tell her that it hurts my ears to be hearing her say that!! 
Mahal1023 Mahal1023 46-50, F 16 Responses Nov 21, 2010

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Great story! Humorous yet very insightful as to the open communications and good, healthy relationship you have with your daughter. It speaks volumes as to your good parenting. Kudos.

they get it right though dont they..!?

That is very funny. But your right. They do grow up fast. I just took my 14 year old daughter to Victorias Secret for a bikini that she wanted. I have always thought of my daughter as my little girl until that moment. Now she's growing up and becoming a beautiful young woman. It scares the s**t out of me! Then she goes on to tell me about her BFF who now decides she is bi-sexual. That was an interesting conversation. But I am glad that she feels open with me to talk about anything.

..............wait......

is this where I applaud you?

Psh.

This is the part where you should have told yourself you shouldn't have bothered leaving a comment because I couldn't give a damn about what you have to say. Psh....... Just move along!

you are doing a pretty good job as a parent on being totally honest with her. I did the best with my boys and was totally honest and open with them, they turn out great. Always listen to them and they won't stray.

Hardtocontrol, I am eternally grateful that my daughters pediatician has set a precedence and is consistent in telling my daughter that she must ask permission from Mom or Dad if she can touch or see my daughters body. It has nothing to do with someone else having ownership of her body. If my own doctor had done that with me when I was young, I strongly believe that what happened to me wouldnt have happened. I wont go into details explaining that. I do not for one second think or expect my daughter to act like a nun. I'm not delusional and I was young before and know what its like. All I can do as a parent is keep the conversations with us going and assure her that I will always be here if and when she needs me. Most of all, no matter what she does in life, whether its accomplishments or mistakes, I will always love her.

Dougwellin....that's why I think it's harder to be a parent because you have to constantly be aware of what you're allowing your child to be exposed to. My daughter will never have a TV or laptop in her room. The computer is in our living room. IF it was up to me, my daughter wouldn't have a cellphone but I've relented so she can have easier contact with her father. (this has been an ongoing issue). The cellphone has no internet access. A lot of parents don't really comprehend that they are giving virtually everyone and anyone to have access to their child when they are on the net unsupervised.

Thank you for your words of support. Since I only have one child, I put so much pressure on myself to get everything just right. I constantly walk around feeling as though I'm screwing things up.

You are a smart lady.. There is no book on raising a child. But common sense is #1 rule. More parents should heed your advice. ( proud Dad of 2 wonderful adult girls) Crowbar

Thank you for your comment Crowbar

You are so right. Maintain trust and open communications with your childred. When they become teenagers, it will pay big dividends. Remember trust is a two way street.

Yeah! I agree, free conversation and friendly and frank relations are only solution for these fast growing generation. So Mom! just think, how can your child be open to you?



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You know what Mewold, everyone automatically assumes that once a child gets a certain age that all they want is material things. It never changes. At any age they want your undivided attention and the opportunity to just be with you doing whatever it is that you both enjoy doing together. My kid had to grow up so fast because of events that happened in her life and people around us. It still doesn't mean that she has to be a mini adult now. I try my darnest to let her just be a kid. And yes, while it was demanding, I miss those toddler years...they were precious and fun.

I took my oldest daughter to get her first training bra. What a disaster that was! I wrote a story about it. You are right. Trust and honesty is a two way street. I also have apologized to one of my chrildren for spanking him wrongly. Kids do grow up too fast. But they are sooooo much fun when they are little.

First I want to clarify a few things. Trust and respect is a two way street. IN order for my daughter to completely trust what I say, I have to be completely honest and open to whatever she asks of me...no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Since age 2, her pediatrician has been using the word vagina in conversations with my daughter. She will make a point of facing me and asking me, Ms. So and so....is it okay for me to look at your daughter's vagina? This teaches her that no one is allowed to look or touch her without a parent present and/or our permission. Pediatrician still does this to this day and daughter is 11. As much as we want to protect them, they hear and see things that they may not completely understand. I will not lie or sugar coat it. I will however explain it in a way that's age appropriate when she asks me questions. She knows she can come to me to get a straight answer and not be scolded for asking. I just came out of a sexless marriage. At kindergarten age, she would constantly question her father why is it that he doesn't kiss me? Or she will say, Daddy, if you would give Mommy some love she wouldn't feel the need to always suffocate me with all these hugs and kisses. While we never argued or fought in front of her, she was smart enough to see that we lacked an emotional and physical connection. She also watched her father blatantly have an affair in front of the both of us. I had to field questions about that. She has seen underage girls getting pregnant. I have had to field questions about that. While she knows about the birds and the bees, when I refer to being lucky enough to see my undies...to her it literally means to see my undies not having sex. To her, she thinks that if you're even thinking about kissing a boy, you should have him wear a condom to be safe. I do not share details of my sex life with my daughter. IF she did ever ask me if I was having sex with someone, I would tell her the honest truth the best way I know how. If I expect her to try to be as truthful with me, I need to be as truthful with her first.

Reminds me terribly of when my mom took me to buy my first bra.kids know more than u give them credit for and the world is changing.I wouldn't talk to my kid about gettin lucky or my sex life

We have always had very frank, open conversations about her body, friends and everything else with my daughter ever since she was young. Her pediatrician set the tone when she was old enough to speak and she would point out that she has to ask Mom or Dad first to see if she can touch her body so she can do the exam. My daughter probably knows a little more about sex because she has watched and listened to me have frank talks with my best friend's daughters....who are all of college age now. While I work part time, most of my days are devoted to her. She is never left alone even if she's on the soccer field having practice. I don't think it's appropriate to leave an eleven year old alone. I understand people have to do what they need to survive but her father and I have made a pact that she always comes first. I know as she gets older if one is determined, they will find a way. I'm just hoping and praying that she will always do the right thing. I can only do so much. But in the meantime, I am investing my time and effort in keeping our lines of communication open.

It actually sounds like you have a good relationship with your daughter, your post made me smile. As long as she's talking to you about these things, it means the doors are open to those touchy but incredibly important topics that might make you cringe a bit but need to be dealt with honestly.