Christian To Reality

I was a pretty committed christian up until a year and a half ago - now I am agnostic. I was reading the bible one day until the question of what is truth came out of no where. At this point I could not just throw faith at this as I originally done in the past. This was much deeper and demanded my own individual response.

Once I took the step to respond it changed the whole foundation I had built my life upon with God. Everything had been shaken as I continued to challenge the authority & authenticity of the bible, the divinity of Jesus, and many other doctrines. One of my closest friends was completely shocked when I said I just dunno. I admit at first it was very hard to break from - all the belief systems I had since I was saved. But the more I began to search the more I found uncertainty in what was really true. I don't care to go so far to state for a fact something did or did not exist, but I was not there 2000 years ago to see anything or even further back with the talking snake or parting of the red sea, or the swallowing of a big tuna fish.

The more I weighed reason with faith, the more faith lost out, because it was reasonable at this point to compare that big titted unicorns existed as much as a religious god. Furthermore if something was true why must faith to believe be required? It all sounds like we are all too human. In the midst of the fear of not knowing, must we wear our insecurities on our sleeves and put on hats and capes as a child playing make belief.

I do admit it was nice feeling the fuzzies. But once you find out the fuzzies could be rooted out of nothing more than sheer emotion - its not to say that a god is not connected here, but how do you really know? So instead of playing around with whatever could be, I have settled in my heart that I just don't know.

Thus I live my life in gratitude and contentment whether or not there is god. I live not wondering why I exist, but because I exist how do I dance to the rhythm in the flow of life. I have a very laid back Christian (Thank the Lord! lol) wife whose family is more devout Christian. I've come clean with my previous church, but am in the closet with her family, only for the sake of my wife.

It doesn't bother me much as I know the time will come when I can be completely open. I know that I am honest with myself and my wife and that is what matters for now. I also work for a religious organization, but is mostly apathetic and harmless in the openness or even understanding of faith. Again I leave time to take charge of this course, but mostly I am enjoying and focusing on being freely me!
soliare soliare
26-30, M
4 Responses May 12, 2012

just a thought, but islam answers all questions, Of course you have a purpose in life, there is a creator, and i think you can start by praying and saying.. 'god please show me the straight path' .. and read more and more about islam and see for your self.. it answered my questions and there isnt one thing i wonder about today

I relate very well to this. I've gone in and out of Christianity most my life, and I've finally settled on being agnostic. There are just too many unanswered questions for me to go completely one way or the other.

Thank you for your post Missyghost! Yea I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself about being Christian, b/c let’s face it, although my faith lasted only 8 years, there was still a huge foundation built that I was not willing to easily throw it all out. I say that it was about a year and a half that I was agnostic, but b/c I was going through most of this time searching hard and praying to come back to faith, it really has been only been a couple of months that I have settled in my heart I honestly am fine with not knowing. When someone claims proof of god because there is a ‘miracle’ or written text or Jesus said something (even if everything happened), this all is an end unto itself. This provides no more proof than saying purple marshmallow fairy’s exist. There really is no proof, only just explanations. The further I research the more bull **** I find and I find myself defending a lot more the agnostic/atheist camp. I have questions for you hun, if I may:
How long were you a Christian for? Is your family religious? Where was the turning point for you? Its great to know there are a lot of us coming out of the tyranny of religion and that we can support one another in all this! Another support site is if you are interested…..Write back when you can, ttyl!

very very interesting, well...maybe in time if you ever feel that god exists but christanity isnt the right religion for you,, just read up about islam.. i have had questions and had themm all answered, maybe it'll work for you..

First and foremost i am not going to undertake anything to convert you back to whatever you had some sort of affiliation with.<br />
It would help to understand your position if you make it known as to what denomination you once belonged to.<br />
Many critics of those of us that do claim to be of the Christian faith misrepresent us, i do not have blind faith to guide me, we live in the 21st century and have access to the largest amount of information available via the internet.<br />
The evidence to support the veracity of the Bible is readily available, scientific evidence to support the creation is available, evidence to refute evolution is available,but for those that choose not to inform themselves and then make an informed decision, will seek out those with similar outlooks to feed of each other, these groups are not hard to find.

Thank you Churinga for posting. I have spent time gathering information which it is really hard to find any unbiased veiwpoints, because whoever it is even if they claim to take a fair look at both ends there is always this undertone the the individuals influence in the writing.

You see I am not hard at all on discrediting Christianity or anything else for that matter for there are so many takes on any one given topic - hence the over 30,000 denominations in christianity alone. How can God be so absolute if we can pick and choose and make for us a baskin robins God to suit our own desires? Not to mention people church hoping like God comes with some type of 30 day faith back guarantee. This is how christians pay respect to the one who hung and shed blood like some vanity fare?

Its not to say that religion doesn't exist because it's followers act like knuckle heads. But really not can man only stop at the existence of god but then run this holy man into the ground by creating bullshit that defames what this God is in the first place.

We humans are too smart for our own good regarding mystery. We have to have our fingers even in make belief as well.

The angle of evidence you take can only go so far as well. I'm feeling good so lets grant that everything written was actually true. Just because something happens or someone says something to be true, really only is an end within itself. A tree existing does not mean a god made it, it just means a tree is there. Intelligent design is the christians desparate attempt to label make belief as science. Again I do not take any sides here, but at least the scientific community has the balls to say given the facts they still don't know. Where as the religious can't stop with "i dont know", but rather that "god works in mysterious ways". Its just a cop out instead of being honest which smells like ****.