The stars are what I've always looked at and went always provided me a feeling like I belong to this planet, though the people around me talk about a god creating everything I never believed until I started going to church with everybody, it got so confusing that I forgot about the stars that i looked upon as a child that always provided me that feeling like i belonged.
Growing up I remember simple things when it came to the environment of church, like picking flowers along the railing before entering the building. In the end I didn't want anything more than the pink flowers along the railing I remember always asking the wait outside my parents just told me I was too young to be outside alone and it'd be rude to not go inside with the other people. They made the correct decision on that part. Yet I wished to go home after my parents reply was No. I had options to stay home with my grandparents before at that age, i was silly not to yet i wanted the flowers.
I was absolutely innocent I didn't even think that the people were horrible. I just didn't like the feeling of being around them it was darker. Growing up I literally watched Christianity be shoved into a mans head who didn't believe i watched my mother do nothing about it. And my gram rant about him not believing to his dying face.
I didn't know much about his beliefs fully. However the way he looked at me that day made me question if he knew that i didn't necessarily believe i never stated my opinion or acted like the others he noticed. It was his eyes reaching out for someone to relate with him that made me wonder. I can't even continue writing this it actually makes me upset and i didn't even know the man good.

I just know that this one of the ways how learned to hate
I actually sometimes fear my own death being that way with everyone in my face praying over me, wishing for me to convert.
Somehow I'm able to cope
to put up with people who believe in a God or deity
yet i question if i should....

-Iv'e wrote this before on my old names that iv'e sense left in the dust due to new ideas upon life-
deleted deleted
26-30
Aug 29, 2014