It's Not Right

I have to work incredibly hard to be happy. It is a physical effort to enjoy anything that happens. I don't want to be around people. I have to force myself to smile. I have to force myself to be social. And there is nothing that will ever change this. My therapist told me that some people are just more prone to depression, and you have to work at it. And I don't think its fair. To be normal I have to put forth all this effort while other people can just slide through life. I know things could be a lot worse. I could have no legs, terminal cancer, or something else terrible. Those things are unfair too. Majorly. But I can't change other's experiences of life. I can't change my own. I can't keep living like this. This is not living. This isn't even existing, its holding a place for something. I did nothing to deserve this. I was merely born this way. And I have to put up with the consequences. Regardless if I want to or not. Life, to me is not some precious beautiful thing. Its a horrible beast that sucks energy out of you every day on a race to a box in the ground. How can you rejoice at anything when that is sitting on your chest waiting to suffocate you? Life is not fair. I know that. I'm just tired of it being that way.
fuglywuggly fuglywuggly
26-30
Aug 12, 2010