Husband Sick, I Am Stressed and Know I Have Severe Depression

in 2003 my husband had a traumatic brain injury and became disabled (not legally, like in benefits).  after about a year he worked a bit in rehabing houses, but mostly just woodworking and builing a workshop here at the house. In 2006, due to a routine liver function test for Celebrex, he was diagnosed with Hepatitic C. although he had no symptoms we (he) did two rounds of Interferon treatment. Almost a year and a half. Summer of 2008 the virus that was gone and killed by the interferon was back we (he) was referred to life link a transplant provider that has a hep c clinic. They told us his liver was fine and had not yet decreased any liver function, that there were experimental drug programs but in 2-3 years there would be a less toxic treatment on the market. We could choose expirimental treatment now or wait. since the virus was not attacking his body we (he) decided to wait. 

Since the interferon, he lost his thyroid has  chronic skin rash that sets up in patches all over his body.  fibromyalgia, ibs, chronic joint pain, subsequently and recently (dec 2008) complete rotator cuff tear and surgery. 

He has a primary care physician, gastroenterologist, orthopeadic surgeon, pain management doc, psychiatrist, dermatologist, physical therapist, rhematologist, cardiologist and pharmacist all in the same medical practice. 

Life was hard, we sent our 18 year old off to college last year, refinanced our home, have a 14 year old and since we are struggling financially, I took on a second job at the end of last year.

So...............Feb of this year, superbowl sunday my husband was admitted for acute gastroenteritis, dehydration and it turned out to be a C-Diff virus he picked up, Feb 12 he had a massive heart attack. A widow maker, 100% blockage of his LAD. Doc says 7 out of 10 would have died. March 16 admitted for acute gastroenteritis - dehydration again. This time just a virus, its going around. 

A few days before his last hospitalization he was told by the primary that he can not dispense his own meds anymore and pretty much there is no hope of recovering back to where he was even after the brain injury. He now has a handicap plaque and a case manager with the ins co told me yesturday that we need consider not allowing him to drive.

Did I mention he is 46 and I am 40? 

I feel the world on my shoulders. I am responsible for so much, not just more than I  ever imagined, but maybe more than I can handle. I am out of sick time (used all up these past 6-8 weeks) , out of patience, out of money and on the verge of tears every second.

I know I need meds and counseling. I will make the appts next week, but I know that is a long haul. Even when I have the appt and start meds I can be six weeks out to begin feeling better, then on care with meds and appts for a while. That is a burden financially and time wise, but I know I need to do it. I thought this site might help me jump start to feel better.

 

I am so so so so so so stressed out

keepgoing keepgoing
36-40
3 Responses Mar 28, 2009

Holy Cow. You have my prayers and virtual bear hugs. What a trial for all of you.

I am so so so stressed out. Many events (documented throughout this site in an unorganized fashion) have transpired since this last post, but my husband got much sicker, almost died a few times. I was working two jobs. Our son was stressing and not doing well in school. Husband got better. I left him in May 2010. Oldest had already moved back home and neither boy wanted to come live with me. They were angry with me for leaving their father and them. <br />
<br />
My husband comes and helps me often. The boys say he does more things around the house since I left. My husband and I have a much better relationship now then when we were living together. I now see him as an amazing man with a huge heart. <br />
<br />
The boys are angry with me. The oldest is finally seeing that his father can do more to help the household and doesnt. The oldest has had to take over "mom" tasks because his father wont help. So although he is calming and becoming more understanding about why I left, he is becoming more stressed out because of all the "work" I left him. <br />
<br />
My youngest was calm and okay with everything in the beginning. Just recently he started acting out. Told me I was ruining his life. I tell him all the time he can come live with me, just call and I will pick him up anytime. I tell him i want him with me. <br />
<br />
They have a "bachelors pad" with my husband. They all smoke pot together. actually one of the main breaking points for me leaving was my husband growing pot in the shed. He built a whole grow room, but somehow was to sick to help me with any household chores. I was working two jobs, two kids and doing every single household chore there is. I would come home at 11pm after my second job to find that no one had even eaten dinner that night. But husb was able to organize and implement a huge grow room. I am in a profession that will take away my certification for life if they ever found out about drugs. <br />
<br />
So husband still loves me, boys visit but have attitudes with me. boys want to live with their father because of the fun and drugs. I sit here alone and very lonley. As I said I now see my husband for so many of his fantastic qualities. I want my family back. I want the good times. and I want to work hard to overcome these past few years where my increasing loathing of my husband and its selfishness began to take a toll on my health physically. <br />
<br />
I am in tears every day again. I dont know how to help my boys and be there for them while I am living in a separate home. I dont get to see their faces and issues daily, I am not there for them and I know they need me. <br />
<br />
I cant go back with the drugs and I know they wont give them up. The selfishness of my husband is what broke us up. I am thinking of asking him to try counseling one more time before I file the divorce papers.

I will keep you in my prayers and also just pray to God and take deep breaths when you can.