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Mother And Daughter - Something That Happened Earlier Today

"Mommy I'm not lying!"

This was the line that peaked my interest earlier today.  I cracked my bedroom window and listened as a mother spoke to her daughter.

"Mommy I'm not lying, she gave it to me!"  Said the daughter.

"Yesterday you told me that it was hers."

"Mommy I'm not lying, Clara really gave it to me."

"I don't know who gave it to you."

"Mommy I'm not joking, she gave it to me!"

I'm not quite sure what happened after this - the voices got quieter, but the conversation seemed to end quickly.  The father was gardening nearby, and didn't take part in the conversation at all.  The little girl told her mom that Clara gave her the whatever-it-was, and the mommy very clearly gave her the message "I don't trust you." (she didn't literally say this - but on a psychological level that was the message the little girl got)

Maybe the mommy had good reason to think that her daughter stole the whatever-it-was.  Maybe her daughter has stolen things before - I don't know.  What I do know is that, for the length of that conversation, that little girl felt that she was an untrustworthy person (no child that young can ever blame mommy any more than they could understand a metaphor - their brains simply aren't developed enough.  Mom is god.  "If mommy doesn't trust me, then I am untrustworthy").  I hope for her sake that she really is an untrustworthy girl, because if she's a trustworthy person, then her mommy just damaged her ability to trust herself (and by extension everyone else) for no reason.

Of course, the damage from a single conversation like this is almost nonexistent.  It takes years of casual mistrust to do any real damage to a child - but I very much doubt that her mother is going to change her parenting techniques.  Heh - her mom doesn't even realize it, it's not like she should - she's just mindlessly parenting the same way her parents did.  All parents unknowingly damage their children - and although I understand that most parents are loving despite their flaws, and do a pretty good job, I REALLY think that every parent should take psych 101.

MovingForward28 MovingForward28 26-30, M 5 Responses Apr 25, 2010

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"my problem was with the child saying "Mommy I'm not lying, Clara really gave it to me." and then the mommy saying "I don't know who gave it to you." She completely contradicted and disregarded what the girl said - she didn't call Clara, she didn't ask "why did Clara give it to you" - she just assumed that her words couldn't be trusted."



you hit it on the head the adult in this situation didn't do anything to confirm the childs story just assumed she had taken it then made a huge deal out of it



i can almost hear the exaperation in the kids voice

I have a 6 yr old .listening is hard sometimes I dont have the time to weed out whats true and what he thinks is the truth . I'm famous for cutting thru BS but my child needs to be understood by me he needs my patience everyday is a teaching opportunity for the both of us . I'm not going to imply I'm doing it right but I try.

Charles - Thanks for your comment - *edit's story* oops, wow, I worded that badly. I didn't mean that the mother actually SAID "I don't trust you" - just that what she said implied it.



Theshephardess - Thanks for the comment, I appreciate your honesty. I agree that blind trust would be a very bad thing, my problem was with the child saying "Mommy I'm not lying, Clara really gave it to me." and then the mommy saying "I don't know who gave it to you." She completely contradicted and disregarded what the girl said - she didn't call Clara, she didn't ask "why did Clara give it to you" - she just assumed that her words couldn't be trusted.



I mean, you're right that it's a tricky situation. I just think that parents should give their kids a chance to defend themselves.

Parenting is sooo difficult. I would hope that mother had a reason for saying that to her daughter. Sometimes you have to push to get the honest answer out of a young child. But they do have to learn to tell the truth!



Worse yet, I feel, would be if the parent took the child's words without ever questioning her on the truth.

So many parents are just too willing to accept what their child says and stand behind them. That really is a worse injustice to the child.



Because this Mom questioned her about what she said the previous day that I belonged to the other girl, I think she was wise to continue to see if it was given to her or she took it. Trust has to built on both sides.

Parents have to be smarter than the child , that there should disqualify a lot of people from having children .The Mom in this case should have shut up if she was not sure her daughter was lying. The "I dont trust you" she should have kept to herself.