How Can They Not....
They say that life is what we make it, but I think that Life is what makes you; the joys, the sorrows, the successes and failures, they all conjoin to make you the person you become, I know they have me. Friendships and romances, familial and work; all relationships have an impact on who you were, who you are now and ultimately who you are going to become. I have a good relationship with my mother, who is my best friend, my confidant, the one I can go to with most of the things that go on in my life, my father was more distant, more authoritarian, but I knew I was loved. At school I was bullied by friends, or should I say so-called friends, which left me with little confidence and self-esteem, my first relationship ended badly, though I recognise now I was probably more in love with being in love. I also recognise that If we had got married like we had planned to, we would likely have been divorced by now, we were and still are, two very different people, looking for very different things. Whilst he hurt me in worst possible way, I also thank him for giving me the reason to walk away and to become the person I am today.
Friendships come and go, but all leave an indelible mark on your skin and your soul, whether that's good or bad, you learn, develop, grow in these relationships and I am thankful for the lasting friendships I have in my life, they have become my extended family.
In looking back and reflecting on my life, I am look at the person I was, I can hardly recognise me in there, I have grown in confidence, in self-esteem (though I have to work at it daily and understand that I have a way to go to be fully comfortable with who I am, but then who doesn't). I know I am a good person, I am kind, caring, loyal - all the things that have been told in the past I am not. I would like to tell my former self that everything will work out ok, that whilst it will be hard, very hard at times, its life's journey, that even though it felt like I wasn't going to make it, I did, I'm standing here, and whilst I don't have everything I had hoped I would have in my life at this point - most notably a husband, children of my own - I have good relationships in my life, ones that give me unconditional support, love and encouragement; however I do know, had I not been through those failed relationships, in whatever form them take, I would not necessarily be able to recognise how I have grown and how those relationships have helped me become who I am today.