He Left Me For Someone Else And I Got Over It

We were spouses for almost 20 years, when in October 2008 I found out that he had been in love with someone else, a married woman. They already had an affair for half a year at that time. Otherwise, since then he was a good soul, a good person and spouse (with some small exceptions, of course).

It was a shock, and theoretical discussion what would you do if...., was useless at that time.
We had a flat and a summer house, and they were meeting there once a week during the working week (and left traces of it - which I could notice during the weekends, when I was also there). She was calling him at all kind of strange hours, he even left me sitting in a restaurant on our "20 anniversary" for cca. 20 minutes, because she had "a problem" and he had to comfort her on the phone.

On top of this, few years before we found out that I can not have children, and he didn't want us to go for artificial insemination. I knew at that time that he is just scared to death. I swallowed hard, decided that I love the man, but here I was 3 years later with him having an affair.

Still, I didn't throw him out. Even though I'm educated, with good job, better paid even than he is, I was really frightened. I had short relationships before him, but now he was all my world for 20 years. How can I go on without him? To lose most of my world - many friends, his family,etc..?

We were fighting a lot during this "triangle period", which actually lasted for more than one year. And no, we didn't have any physical contact during that time. And not proud to say: he was the one who didn't want it - not me. And at the end (I'm again ashamed to admit) he was the one who "through me out".

As I understood, she was setting this precondition, that he should split first, and that she will follow. Well, he did his part, but she didn't, and as far I'm informed he is still "the other man", with their affair going on for almost 4,5 years.

And how I survived this three years? Of course I was devastated, scared, you name it....But I knew that I have to do something, otherwise I would just fall apart.

First I got the therapist, then I started dating - after 20 year, this was the biggest stress possible for me. My self esteem was extremely low (btw: I always considered myself not pretty at all...), and my spouse was telling me during our last year that I'm impossible, since I complain all the time, etc...., so I was almost sure that nobody normal would want me.

Still, my dating experiences were good, I got into hot relationship with gorgeous single man, who didn't wan't to have serious relationship. We broke up, but remained good friend.

And then I met him - my current spouse, and tomorrow will be 21 months since we met. We have been living together for more than a year, we are happy and have really nice life. Actually, I have never been happier in my life.

I would summarize that this experience "almost killed me", but it also made me wiser, stronger, and not that my current spouse is better that previous - I'm certainly better spouse now than before (it looks like I also learned few things).

It just looks like I had to go through all this pain in order to grow and I really hope that life isn't preparing me something extreme again in the near future.

But if does, then I know I will survive. No matter what.
KK1966 KK1966
41-45, F
Dec 12, 2012