I Think Farts Are Funny
Let's face it, we all do them, many of us find it funny and everybody has a good story to share. I'm in my thirties and still like a good fart joke (we can't all be serious all the time right?)
Anyways, I'll get the ball rolling as I have a few that'll hopefully make some of you laugh and others grimace in disgust:
Story 1: Was in town with a buddy of mine one weekend. It was a busy Saturday afternoon, lots of people everywhere. We had already done the rounds at the music stores and had a bite to eat, but my mate wanted to go check out this one last store before we went home. It was one of those convenience stores with lots of cheap bargains.
We went in there, the place was packed, barely enough room to weave in and out of people. My friend knew what he wanted and headed straight to the section. I tagged along as I had already got everything I needed. We was stood in front of these shelves looking at items and chatting, when that all so familiar sensation presented itself. I figured it was safe to drop it there and then as there were so many people around, so I slightly raised my leg and let her go.
It was not only incredibly loud, but it was long and hit several notes before it ended. The whole place went quiet as everybody turned around and looked in our direction. Everybody in our vicinity was laughing, looking at me and looking down behind me.
I turned around to see what people were looking at, only to find a very shocked member of staff on his knees behind me stocking the lower shelf, just staring back at me in disgust. I had farted directly in the mans face and not realised it. I had to leave the store as I was shaking with laughter at that point and I couldn't turn and face the man and apologise without laughing so I stood and waited for my friend outside the store, who had to stand there with a straight face after I walked away whilst the man ranted at him about me calling me an animal. (which I can't blame him for really). We still laugh about it.
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Story 2: I was helping the folks with the weekly food shopping in the local supermarket one week and we had eaten breakfast at a cafe on the way. I had eaten a traditional breakfast with the usual hash browns, eggs and beans etc. Eggs and beans always give me the smelliest farts one can imagine, but they usually take a bit of time to work their way through my system before they break loose.
That morning, I started to feel bloated as we began our walk around the veg section. I knew a release was imminent so I tried to hold it until I at least got outside.
No such luck, we had gotten as far as the cereals section when it decided to unload. It was a real rumbler, plenty of bass and smelled like week old broccoli on a sunny day. My parents immediately turned tail and walked to the end of the aisle.
I had to go the other way as I needed to walk it off before rejoining the family. I headed back a few aisles as I needed to grab something in the coffee section anyway. As I get to the coffee section, a rather amused gent taps me on the shoulder and says "Bro, I think you left your guts 5 aisles that way" and proceeded to point back to where I came from. At least he had a sense of humour about it, we both had a good laugh about it.
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Story 3: Back when I used to work in an office, we used to have morning meetings, where we would all circle around the managers desk as he went through all the targets for the day. I used to hate these meetings, so I'd stand around the outside of the circle, where I couldn't be called upon to get involved.
There was a young girl in her late teens that worked there. Typical girly girl and would generally over react to anything. If somebody so much as sneezed, she'd get real uptight over it. She never really liked me as I like to have a laugh about gross out things... I'm a guy, that's what we do.
That morning, she was running late and slipped in to log in, grabbed her seat, sat down and wheeled herself towards the meeting area with haste. I didn't know this at the time as I thought I was right at the very back of the pack.
I had one brewing, so I thought nothing about dropping it as there was nobody stood behind me to identify me... WRONG!! She was literally inches away from my backside as it come roaring out.
I still didn't know she was behind me at this point. People around me heard it and were looking around muttering to each other under their breath, meanwhile I was pursing my lips together and pretending to scratch my nose to retain composure, then one person looked at me and motioned towards this girl running towards the door in tears. I still didn't realise she was even there at this point. I figured she had a bad morning or something.
After the meeting, I was called into the managers office, where I was informed that I had actually farted in her face and thought I did it on purpose. I was warned not to do it again and given strict orders to not have attention brought to me again that day. Then I was sent on my way back to my desk. Upon emerging from the office, virtually everyone was looking right at me shaking their heads and I glanced over to the young girls desk where there were 3 or 4 people around her comforting her as she cast a scowl in my direction. Was a pretty long lonely day for sure. Never lived that one down.
I'll post some more as they come to me. I look forward to reading some of yours. :D
Anyways, I'll get the ball rolling as I have a few that'll hopefully make some of you laugh and others grimace in disgust:
Story 1: Was in town with a buddy of mine one weekend. It was a busy Saturday afternoon, lots of people everywhere. We had already done the rounds at the music stores and had a bite to eat, but my mate wanted to go check out this one last store before we went home. It was one of those convenience stores with lots of cheap bargains.
We went in there, the place was packed, barely enough room to weave in and out of people. My friend knew what he wanted and headed straight to the section. I tagged along as I had already got everything I needed. We was stood in front of these shelves looking at items and chatting, when that all so familiar sensation presented itself. I figured it was safe to drop it there and then as there were so many people around, so I slightly raised my leg and let her go.
It was not only incredibly loud, but it was long and hit several notes before it ended. The whole place went quiet as everybody turned around and looked in our direction. Everybody in our vicinity was laughing, looking at me and looking down behind me.
I turned around to see what people were looking at, only to find a very shocked member of staff on his knees behind me stocking the lower shelf, just staring back at me in disgust. I had farted directly in the mans face and not realised it. I had to leave the store as I was shaking with laughter at that point and I couldn't turn and face the man and apologise without laughing so I stood and waited for my friend outside the store, who had to stand there with a straight face after I walked away whilst the man ranted at him about me calling me an animal. (which I can't blame him for really). We still laugh about it.
--------------------------
Story 2: I was helping the folks with the weekly food shopping in the local supermarket one week and we had eaten breakfast at a cafe on the way. I had eaten a traditional breakfast with the usual hash browns, eggs and beans etc. Eggs and beans always give me the smelliest farts one can imagine, but they usually take a bit of time to work their way through my system before they break loose.
That morning, I started to feel bloated as we began our walk around the veg section. I knew a release was imminent so I tried to hold it until I at least got outside.
No such luck, we had gotten as far as the cereals section when it decided to unload. It was a real rumbler, plenty of bass and smelled like week old broccoli on a sunny day. My parents immediately turned tail and walked to the end of the aisle.
I had to go the other way as I needed to walk it off before rejoining the family. I headed back a few aisles as I needed to grab something in the coffee section anyway. As I get to the coffee section, a rather amused gent taps me on the shoulder and says "Bro, I think you left your guts 5 aisles that way" and proceeded to point back to where I came from. At least he had a sense of humour about it, we both had a good laugh about it.
--------------------------
Story 3: Back when I used to work in an office, we used to have morning meetings, where we would all circle around the managers desk as he went through all the targets for the day. I used to hate these meetings, so I'd stand around the outside of the circle, where I couldn't be called upon to get involved.
There was a young girl in her late teens that worked there. Typical girly girl and would generally over react to anything. If somebody so much as sneezed, she'd get real uptight over it. She never really liked me as I like to have a laugh about gross out things... I'm a guy, that's what we do.
That morning, she was running late and slipped in to log in, grabbed her seat, sat down and wheeled herself towards the meeting area with haste. I didn't know this at the time as I thought I was right at the very back of the pack.
I had one brewing, so I thought nothing about dropping it as there was nobody stood behind me to identify me... WRONG!! She was literally inches away from my backside as it come roaring out.
I still didn't know she was behind me at this point. People around me heard it and were looking around muttering to each other under their breath, meanwhile I was pursing my lips together and pretending to scratch my nose to retain composure, then one person looked at me and motioned towards this girl running towards the door in tears. I still didn't realise she was even there at this point. I figured she had a bad morning or something.
After the meeting, I was called into the managers office, where I was informed that I had actually farted in her face and thought I did it on purpose. I was warned not to do it again and given strict orders to not have attention brought to me again that day. Then I was sent on my way back to my desk. Upon emerging from the office, virtually everyone was looking right at me shaking their heads and I glanced over to the young girls desk where there were 3 or 4 people around her comforting her as she cast a scowl in my direction. Was a pretty long lonely day for sure. Never lived that one down.
I'll post some more as they come to me. I look forward to reading some of yours. :D
By:
dannyboy81
Age:
26-30
,
Male
