I Believe

I grew up learning about God and Jesus and had to go to church and Sunday school, and i didn't always like it.  Sometimes i thought God was mean cause i was too young to understand some of the things i was being taught.  I also don't agree with alot of the things certain religions believe.  But i am not wanting to discuss that.  Thru out my life i have been dished out many horrible dishes.  I took the wrong road too many times.  I learned that what ever you do...........you better be okay with it, because if you have any kind of conscience you have to live with your actions every single waking second.

What i believe i have understood in the bible about forgiveness is that God is the ultimate one to forgive.  I have no right not to forgive someone if God is going to forgive me for something I did that was wrong or not nice or stupid or what ever.   And what is the ultimate thing that never gets forgiven?  is there anything that isn't?  I guess i understand it as, if a person repents and really really repents, i cant think of another word for their sin, and they honestly don't continue the same action over and over again, then by Gods grace we are forgiven.  It can be confusing, cant it?

When my daughter died in that horrible accident, one of the only things i could think of while i was staring at my daughter laying on the ground under a white sheet, on a shouldve been warm happy summer nite, was the man that hit my daughter.  I had to let that man know I forgave him.  Many of my friends or aquaintence don't understand why i felt this way.  I am sure that man didn't wake up and say, hay!! lets go run over a kid tonight!!!
So, for him it is a huge tragedy.   Granted he doesn't have to live With the loss of his daughter, but he has to live with the fact that for whatever reason he killed someone.   I wouldn't want to live with that.  I hope that i helped him by telling the detective to make sure he told that man I forgave him.  I knew I would never have been able to live with myself.  I wish i could forgive myself as easily.  Maybe I will learn something from what I am writing right at this moment. 

I never heard from the man who killed my daughter.  The detective told me he told him what i said.  I don't recall what the detective told me the man said if anything.  That wasn't my concern.  My daughter was a gift to me from God, and he mustve wanted her back.  I don't understand and I never will.  I don't understand alot of the bad things that have happened to me thru the years.  I don't understand why I have a black cloud over my head.  I wish it would go away.  Maybe someone needs to forgive me somewhere.  So, too all of those people or animals or anyone that i knew of or didn't know about, that I hurt, I ask for their forgiveness.  I also ask for my forgiveness to myself. 

And now I will go on about my life trying to make things right.  It is so hard.  I am going to try to see the warnings God gives us.  Maybe he tried to warn me or my daughter before she went out that nite, but we didn't listen.

Maybe it really was an accident?  Maybe it was her time? 

Forgiving someone has always given me peace.  Wish i could take my own advise for myself. 
iamstillrighthere iamstillrighthere
51-55, F
6 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Thanks Candy, peace and the love of our lord Jesus Christ to you and yours always. yes i do believe and if it wasnt for God and Jesus I wouldnt be able to keep going. i was angry for a very long time, till my eyes were finally opened by God thru my dear Pastor who said the right thing, that is the world took my dawnie away, not God. Tears well in my eyes. and i cant think of anything else to say, cept youare a beautiful friend too and i will chat with you soon. love and hugs

I believe in heaven, and Angels..we you will see our loved ones again..all of them animals too..to forgive..Jesus died on the cross for our sins..life is both beautiful and tragic..my Mom your beautiful daughter passed way to young..we and many do not understand..you and I must have faith and hope..and peace and try to be a light of positive for others..It hurts never goes away...we try to think of the positive in our lifes..our eyes to see b/c if no eyes we would not be here..gifts of the universe sun shines warms a cat..they lov simple things.. lot of lov!! Blessing to you may inner peace come to you I pray! Lovya!those that suffer much their reward is great!! Your such a talented beautiful loving kind friend ..Blessed your in my life!!

awe, blush, thanks moon, xoxo

If only others could be compassionate and forgiving like you.

hi, i will check out your story. nice to see u around in my story comments. bless u girl. is this a good one for your book? wishful thinking? i keep trying to write something, i think i need to talk to you

Awwwwwwwwww. I have tears in my eyes and alump in my throat. How very sad I feel for you. <br />
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I am so sorry that you had to go through that type of ordeal. I cannot imagine losing a child like that. Parents should never ever leave this world before their child. <br />
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The closest I came was when my son had his accident. Not sure if you read my story called I want to talk about my son drinking and driving. <br />
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I applaud your strength and your courage for sharing something so painful. You are a strong lady with such tremendous compassion. This is displayed very well in your writing.