Two Ears...one Mouth.

The most hurtful thing my ex husband would say to me was..
"Talking to you makes my head hurt."

What he really meant was...

I don't want to hear anything you have to say.
My ideas, solutions, anything...
So I didn't talk. Or share. Nothing.
He still did...
A lot.
I listened. I actually learned through that painful lesson...
I am a good listener. I enjoy it.
Most people just need to be heard.
I like that about me.

I don't need to talk.
It is why I write.


slsr slsr
41-45, F
5 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I think this is why I fail at relationships. My philosophy adheres to the idea that actions speak louder than words. If there is some problem, my idea is to solve it, not talk about it. If someone is bugging me, solution is get away from me. Solved. Sounds robotic but it makes sense, which appeals to me.

I am a solver just like you, but in the past i have made the mistake of not listening well enough and providing the wrong solution
Working through divorce and keeping it amicable with the whole family meant I had to really listen not only to the words, but to the heart as well. Its been tough but were all in a good place now.
Through this i have learned to be a much better communicator than i was before.

Well Slsr, I think your husband has sooo much to learn, how old old is he, 12???
Yoy need to be heard, you need to share your thoughts/feelings/views.
Im am sorry, but you cant have a one sided relationship, one sided view, life etc,
you have so much to give, offer, even your pain, though not desirable,
maybe able to help someone else, by shairing it with others...
Go ahead and talketc. Godbless Slsr

yeah then you have those kind of people that talk but when you start talking with them they are waiting on their turn to talk - not even paying attention to anything you have to say - you might as well be talking to a wall

That's not even a conversation, right? It has to go both ways...

it sure does

I totally admire this in you. Good for you to take control of yourself here, and not sit in anger and "I this and that, he should this and that, etc... " In my experience this is rarely heard and productive. We can only control ourselves and our reactions.

well said

Great attitude! And principles.... :-)

Ability to communicate effectively either makes it or breaks it. I never really was a good nag, relentlessly lecturing. Ugh. I can't stand women like that.
My ex wasn't a bad guy...not at all. In fact, he's a really good guy. Just didn't work for me.

I tried my best to learn what I could from it. Walking away, feeling good that I was a good wife, leaving things better than when I came. No bitterness.
I'm fortunate in that way. No dramatic end. (Just can't see doing it all again...
I do not need to be married.)

Good for you! I wish you both a lifetime of happiness :)
Me...I am changing how I see relationships. Making it into a new design that suits me better. Re-inventing the wheel :)

That does suck that you two couldn't work it....

That was to you slsr.... re: your soon to be ex. I applaud both of you for seeking happiness smartly....

2 More Responses