7.5 Years Of Serious Bad Luck
i went through a major breakup with a long-term boyfriend about 13 years ago. to get me through it, i started using runes and tarot cards as meditative tools. about 6 months after the breakup, i started to have feelings for another man, but given how terrible my previous breakup was, not to mention my introverted nature, i chose not to act on those feelings. even so, i did a tarot reading about him and it was all very negative--involving many swords and other less than favorable cards. in my mind i figured it didn't matter since i was never going to have an opportunity to get involved with him anyway for a number of different reasons, and i went on my merry way and never thought much about it.
fast-forward approximately 4 years--he and i actually started dating. we fell in love. we got engaged a year later. we got married 4 months after that. then everything started to hit the fan:
1. 2 months after we got engaged, i found out i didn't pass the bar exam. bummer. a lot of people don't in my state--i figured i'd pass on the 2nd try.
2. the day after we got married, i got a urinary tract infection. it was the first of 6 i would get that year due to a birth control pill i was on. i developed sensitivities to all the antibiotics they gave me to treat the infections. once i stopped taking the pill, i stopped getting infections, but i was left with antibiotic allergies that put me at risk.
3. 6 months after our marriage, my husband got into a terrible car accident. his car was totaled, but he was spared, thank God.
4. i didn't pass the bar again. my law school loans were coming due--i had no job. what was i to do?
5. my father became very ill.
6. i got pregnant. we were very happy about that, although worried about $$.
7. my father became more ill.
8. i started to have pre-term contractions at 24 weeks
9. my father was gravely ill
10. i went into pre-term labor at 27 weeks and was hospitalized for 6 days then put on strict bedrest until 36 weeks
11. debt piling up higher and higher
11. my father died while i was on bedrest and my doctor would not clear me to travel to see him before he died.
12. i made it to 36 weeks and was released from bedrest
13. i tripped and fell on my due date and tore a ligament in my right thumb which required surgery after my baby was born
14. i gave birth to a healthy baby, without medical intervention
15. i had successful surgery on my hand (2 good things in a row!! but wait...there's more!)
16. i got a severe case of shingles when my baby was 4 months old
17. my once plentiful milk supply mysteriously dried up overnight
18. my husband's work place was sold to a terrible company and he was going to lose his job so we had to move
19. i didn't pass the bar again
20. in 1/2009, i was stricken with an odd and debilitating illness, from which i am still suffering, that no doctors can seem to diagnose. it is keeping me from working, thus driving us further into debt.
21. i was denied social security.
22. my baby is growing up and hits me constantly and my heart is broken.
23. i am entertaining the idea of taking my own life because we are drowning in debt, i am profoundly ill and unable to find a diagnosis, and my child seems to abuse me no matter what i do.
to me, it seems like those tarot cards i read back in 1997 knew something i didn't. would i trade the love i have experienced with my husband for my former life of health and relative security? that's a tough one. i often believe i would since he has been raked over the coals with me and he had previously led a very charmed life. i dream of setting him free, but i certainly would miss him so. i love him so deeply and truly, and he loves me. i love my child so much, too, but it doesn't feel reciprocal much of the time which causes me pain.
i wish i had never gone out on that first date with him. it would have spared us all a lot of pain. but i did. and here i am.
how do i break this curse??????????
binx2010 41-45, F 7 Responses 1 May 26, 2010