I Knew It Wasn't Over Yet.

two years ago, when i was young and naive, i met a guy who turned my whole world upside down. i was crazy about him, and i poured myself into it, and it left me drained, hurt, and confused. we were exclusive for a while, but not in a committed relationship (even though i was willing to be...he had suffered a bad breakup and hadn't recovered yet) and eventually he could tell i was feeling too strongly for him and he literally disappeared from the face of the earth.

i thought i was over it. but i was lying to myself. i started dating someone else, but i kept thinking about him, wondering where he was, how he was, IF he was. i didn't know him anymore. meanwhile, my relationship took a turn and i realized after nine months that i needed to end it. literally three days after the breakup, i received a phone call, and it was HIM! it had been at least a year since we had spoken or seen each other, and we met up again to catch up. and oh, boy. did we catch up. everything i'd felt for him came rushing back as soon as he smiled at me, only it was newer, fresher, more real.

i'm not the person now that i was then; i've matured, and so has he. but at the same time i feel myself falling for him again and that terrifies me. it makes me vulnerable, and that is something i cannot stand.

i just needed to let that out - the fact that i could fall in love with him. i am extremely cautious about letting that out to anyone i know...and i especially don't want HIM to know. it'll scare him away.

 

seedless seedless
18-21, F
2 Responses Apr 23, 2007

If you've both matured, and you can see how you might be good for each other, the risk might be worth it. But only you can know that.

i know exactly how you feel. i did the same thing and how that i am back in contact with my former love i am scared to death. he knows when i am vulnerabl and i dont like being in that kind of emotional state. i feel that i am just exposing my heart to more hurt in the long run. but if you dont take that chance you may never know what youre missing out on. you just have to decide if its a chance worth taking. i think mine is and im going to go for it. i wish you the best of luck and i hope all turns out well for you.