How I Think Im Falling In Love With My Bestfriend.

I was friends with my best friend for about six years. In my freshmen year, I began to develop feelings for her. I had never felt this way about any other girl...and still haven't to this day. It all happened very fast, but I undoubtedly fell in love with her. It felt mutual too. I would catch her staring at me from across the room, lingering looks that were a little more than "friendly". I can't even explain the was intense, but we didn't talk about it.

Then things started happening, like in our sophmore year when she was "cold" and asked me to spoon her. Of course I was very excited about this opportunity, but acted like it was completely normal. Another example is when I started dating this guy and she got so upset that she called me crying, saying that she was going to be "all alone". Perhaps the most indicative sign of her possible feelings was when she kissed a guy that was apparently not so skilled, and she asked if I wanted to feel what it felt like. I didn't object, and so...she kissed me. There was also another incident in the car when we looked at each other and kissed very quickly...and of course those moments when she would grab my hand jokingly because of something or other and her hand would linger a little longer than I thought usual.

Once, she even asked if I was gay. I denied it because, well, I'm not. She's been the only one.

But, you see, it was more complicated that. She would randomnly grow distant and avoid physical contact with me and spend more time with other people.

At the beginning of my senior year, I began having a little "thing" with a boy at school...but was hesitant to start anything. My best friend asked me why, and I was she made me tell her. I told her that I had feelings for her, and I was hysterical. She consoled me, though, and said while she couldn't understand what I was feeling that our friendship would be just fine. Oh, what a lie that was.

Things were weird between us...just not the same. So, I began seeing that guy. It wasn't right, but I needed a distraction. Things got increasingly worse between me and my friend, and eventually things got so bad we didn't talk at all, just random phone calls from her once in a while. Near Christmas time, though, everything seemed back to normal. She didn't seem to feel awkward at all. Then, we went shopping with our friend. She got upset about something and said "well, it could have just been me and you here today".

That night, she called and told me that she thought she could handle our friendship but really couldn't, and that the only reason she began acting normal was for the sake of our mutual friends. She said that how I felt about her just wasn't normal, and that I ruined her senior year.

After that, I fell into a deep depression. She wouldn't look at me, talk to me...nothing. She didn't even wish me a happy birthday. Randomly, though, she would call and act as if everything was normal. I would sometimes catch those prolonged glances of hers across the room, and feel that familiar heat rush over my body. That was the extent of our contact.

Now, we're graduated. After graduation I gave her a slideshow I made of pictures of us through the years-and she looked pleased that I was actually giving her something, until I started crying. She offered me her embrace, and I whispered into her ear how much I would miss her. I pulled away, and noticed that she was crying too.

And that's it. She hasn't mentioned the very emotional slide show I gave her, and she hasn't talked to me since.

I'm trying to make sense out of this...because sometimes I feel like I'm dillusional, and that it was really very one-sided. So please, if anyone has any insight into my story, I would greatly
faithlynn5106 faithlynn5106
Nov 28, 2012