Yet I'm Sane Enough To Realize It

Now, I'm quite the unusual person. I have naturally never been outgoing and naturally been pretty shy and what I've done to change that has not helped at all. What have I done, you may ask?

Absolutely nothing! I spent many hours, days, weeks, whatever time period you can think of, alone. At first I disliked it, as most people would. But over time I grew accustomed to it  and I rather enjoy it now. Just think, I have all the time in the world to focus on myself and how I can improve. I managed to just think and think. I came up with ideas, ethics, and philosophies. Eventually I came to realize one of my biggest revelations. Other people are annoying and tend to cause so much frustration, drama, and stress.

Now, some might be saying something like, "What, me and me best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/(anything else you can think of), aren't like that." But I bet they can name off instances where they have been frustrated with this person for some reason. Whether it be forgetting a birthday or any other crap like that. So I need to clarify what I said in the last paragraph: Interactions with other people tend to cause...

So, I intended on reducing and limiting my interactions with other people. As I went through high school, I only dealt with people when I had to, and with educational affairs that I still valued. Save 1 person, quite possibly the only person who knows how whacked out I really am. I didn't party, go to movies, go out with friends, go to friends' houses (save that 1 person) etc... This also affected my sexual nature. I eventually killed off my sex drive so it would bring down all that I lived by; the avoidance of others. I have not lost my virginity and I don't really care much at all.

But I knew that this goal might not be easy if I was forced into a situation where I had to be around other people. So I came up with a solution. Become boring. No one really likes to hang out with boring people. But It took some work. It's not easy being boring when it isn't natural (some people had considered me interesting because of my ideas and my philosophies and other hobbies I had). It took some time, training myself and whatnot, but I eventually got the hang of it. I learned to appear apathetic and dull and it eventually overcame my original nature. I stopped being a facade. I was satisfied with my determination.

But I still knew that normal people didn't do these things. It started out when I became complacent with my time alone. I stopped equating loneliness with negative feelings and thoughts and embraced it. Complacency is mentally unhealthy, the definition of insanity.

I knew that what I was doing was absolutely ridiculous. Although I knew that humans were meant to be social, that people don't try to be boring, I still did it. I realized through my philosophies that I was slowly losing my mind and logic. I had the curse of insanity without any of the benefits, and the curse of sanity without any of the benefits.

Now that I have removed myself from society, it has become much easier to observe. I have concluded that everybody is really insane. The ones who are truly insane don't realize it or admit it. There are some like myself that are both. And there is no such thing as being truly sane, because that is insanity in and of itself.

theanonymous theanonymous
18-21, M
4 Responses Feb 16, 2010

This is an incredible entry. I particularly enjoyed the hybrid of being sane and insane without the beneficial factors that should entrail. I don't think I'll be a total recluse but I'll give myself plenty thinking space. I would imagine blending in with society and act out a role to be a life long enjoyment:) There are bound to be people whom take complete advantage of this way of thinking

Amazing! I often think the same way, and I'm glad someone else does too. For some strange reason I feel that this is how a new-born perceives the world. Growing up (psychologically) is the process if going insane. This would also be the mindset, I think, of a consciousness if it continued to exist after physical death.<br />
Thanks for the post.

I appreciate your comment. I am not familiar with the Tao Te Ching, though it sounds reminiscent of Chinese text, possibly Laozi, or some other philosopher.

Wow. I think you have a brilliant mind. You have impeccable spelling, which I value. Explain your ideas in a cohesive way. Maybe you'll become a professor or something like that. I think that you are right about everybody being insane. And that the person who knows it is less insane than the one who doesn't. Do you know the Tao Te Ching? You mention philosophies and I wonder who, if anyone, you might have leant on. There are some wonderful philosophers. It's a good thing that you've overcome the pain, it seems, and have totally surmounted your dilemma. I need some of that fortitude and overcoming myself. It's too bad you don't want to be bothered because you have something to offer. Thanks for your post.