Emotional affair is in full force...ughh....I thought that I had enough sense to stop....but I don't......I'm not hurting anyone.......except myself when I let it drive me crazy. I need an outlet. He is it. I can tell him anything that I want to and he tells me things to. It's all about the conversation. It's wonderful to have his support.
hannah654321 hannah654321
9 Responses Mar 23, 2012

I've felt so disconnected this last couple of years and then this amazing guy walked into my life and made me smile again. It means for two hours or so that I can just feel like me. I can laugh and cry and not feel a burden or guilty for feeling what I'm feeling.

But it's made me realise how unhappy I am.

Sorry never saw all your comments. So sorry your husband is being like that with you, rejection in the home is never easy to deal with, it is emotional abuse and will wear you down over the years. Can you make some time for yourself, an exercise class at the weekend? Book club? Just something to get you out the house and meeting other females. I did belly dancing years ago, would recommend it. Stop chasing your husband for affection, you don't need daily rejection like that. Build yourself up and then see how you feel. Perhaps some therapy for you as well? <br />
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Not sure what to say about your friend. Only you and your conscious can decide what to do there. Good luck though, you deserve some happiness.

I understand the way you feel. I think it's best right now to just take it one day at a time and don't make any promises to the other guy. Right now think of him as a best friend.

I share how you felt...<br />
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But how much longer r you going to drag? Its not going to have any good endings...Probably alot of hurt just like mine...

I really have to decide what I am going or not going to do. He says that we can just see each other once a month or so and that's ok with him. It's ok with me too.....but that doesn't keep him out of my mind. I really need to focus on my kids and my husband. My husband is so grumpy. Nothing I do is good enough. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and say I'm gone. But I can't. I love him and I should love him for the way that he is....but he hasn't always been this way.....or has he. I've told him that I am tired of being put down and then he just seems to do more of it. I refuse to live in the same house and not have intimate contact and he turns his head at times when I try to kiss him. If he is filled with such disgust I don't want him to have to look at me. No I haven't told my "friend" this about my husband and I don't intend to. So my problem is all my own.

My friend, I can understand what you are facing. It is SO hard.

But at some point, one side of me really does believe there is a way you can get through to your husband to make him understand what you are lacking.

Ask yourself this - what would he genuinely think if he knew you were doing this? If you think it would hurt him, WHY, especially if he is as you describe?

I'm not trying to put a morality kick on you. I WAS that agrieved husband. I was called cruel, argumentative, grumpy, that sort of thing. The problem was that I was working just as hard to try to find an avenue to connect with her (and failing) as she was with me. The difference was that I never considered giving my heart to someone else as she did.

After counseling we have both discovered new ways of connecting with each other. We have also learned that whatever we really need we really can get from each other (and far better than from anyone else) if we learn how to ask and how to be in terms of willingness to give to each other.

I'm certainly not saying that's how it will go for you. Who knows what is happening in his life that has made him like this. But that love you first felt for him that convinced you to marry him is worth trying to find and re-kindle - for both of your sakes. You probably can't do it alone, but most emotional affairs will end up just leaving more people hurt than before.

And make no mistake about it - an emotional affair IS just as hurtful as any other affair - yes, they do hurt people. I may never fully get over mine.

I wish you well, and I hope for happiness for you - and for him - and preferably together.

I did. It was fun. We talked for 30 minutes and then we went our seperate ways. We talked more about what we thought of each other than anything else. Of course it's nice to know that someone has confidence in you. And in a way that helps to feel confident whether I really am or not. I need to decide for good if I am going to keep this up or let it go. Although nothing has happened.....each time that we are together the fire is there. Just the look in his eyes tells me that .................

Oh that intense look. That's the one I can't bare as it tells me everything my soul wants to hear but is too afraid to let in

OK he called last night and wants to meet tonight. Should I or Shouldn't I.

Thank you so much for you comment. Wow I know that I am looking for something but I don't know what......and you just laid it out for me. I have NO social life of my own. My husband has things that he does with the boys. But I don't even have a hobby anymore. My work life is miserable.....My home life is LONELY and I see now way to make it any better. Even my "friend" understands that I don't know what I am looking for but he is there for support.. But you are so right I can't call and say I need to talk when at that very moment may be what I need. I have to wait for him to call or risk his wife knowing that we are talking. I work from 7:00 am to 6:00 monday thru friday and I don't know where to start with finding other ways to fill this void that I feel inside. Thanks againg for your comment it is wonderful to communicate when you want to so bad but don't have the opportunity.

Must be nice to have someone in your corner, can understand that, but what if that support is suddenly taken away for whatever reason, ie he has a holiday with his family and can not call you? You have discovered your need, I think you are married, but you are very lonely within it, I can relate to that. Not sure if you have much of a social life of your own, if not you could work on expanding that. From the outside looking in, you have set yourself up in a very passive position, and it makes you sad with islands of intense of happiness. Just my humble opinion. That loneliness is real, but you need to be more proactive about finding other ways of filling it, and not just depending on this one person. Wishing you peace and happiness for your future.