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I Lost My Soulmate

We had been the good friends for 5 yrs...

We were coworker...You were the most handsome n popular single guy...While I should be the most stern n 'attractive' married woman there...

We could chat, we could laughed...You always called me Babe...You brought my 1st adopted dog to me...You taught me how to care for him...You were always there when I need advise or help abt my dog...

When you found your true love, I attended your wedding n gave u the most sincere blessing...You are such a good friend who deserves someone to love you n spend the life together...I was so touched by your wedding proposal...It was so romantic...

I remembered the times when you dropped by late at nite...to pass me things I needed...I remember the times when you came over n saw me in my ugliest home clothes...I wasn't afraid to present the me to you...I am just Me...

You bought your dream home through me too...We spend the whole day waiting for the balloting results n you were so excited that you got your choice unit...I was also very happy for you...

After that, we seldom see each other anymore...We only chat on Facebook sometimes...You were always smiling n caring abt me...2months ago...I was so depressed...I decided that you are a friend I could rely on...I confided in you...

There...we shared many inner secrets abt our life...We weren't so happy in our true life...You said you need companion n I need a soulmate...I need someone to heal my hurting heart...You lend me your shoulders...You wipe away my tears...Then you kissed me...

I didn't know how to react...But I love your passionate kiss n hugs...We started to like each other...We would chat for days n nights...We were the pillar of strength of each other...

Then...I decided that we should remain as good friends...I like you too much to want you...We know that a divorce is impossible in our marriage...I told you...I might need another guy...Not someone I like...but someone whom I do not have such deep feelings so I will not commit adultery...

You were mad...you were so angry with me..You do not understand why we could not be together...What you didn't know...Your marriage life is too much for me to bear...I know your wife, I know your son...I saw all the lovely pictures u took with them...I didnt want to lose you...to lose our friendship...I do not want yr wife to find out about us one day...that's when I am gonna lose you forever...

You called me nasty names after I said to be just friends...You accused me that I am going to b a prostitute n call girl if I allow myself to date other men than you...You felt that I had wanted them instead of you...It was hurting...I didn't even plan to sleep with any men...not even you...

You blocked me on Facebook...You bade me farewell..You decided that I am unworthy to be your friend anymore...Why?
Why can't you understand that friendship is for lifetime...Not an affair...

I was so sad...I cried...I really cried...You took a part of me away when you bade me farewell...
Princessrebel Princessrebel 36-40, F 19 Responses Apr 23, 2012

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You are worth to be a friend and to be treasured...

Doing the right thing does not mean goodbye...

they are the right thing to do not based on selfishness and not fleshly...

Private message me if u wana talk.

There is not a day which I stopped thinking abt u... <br />
<br />
U probably forgotten abt me n moved on...

There is not a day which I stopped thinking abt u... <br />
<br />
U probably forgotten abt me n moved on...

We had 20,000 of messages on FB... <br />
<br />
I didn't delete them away..I hide them in the archive... <br />
I know I am silly...<br />
I know I wanna keep them...<br />
<br />
For many days...I didn't open yr messages anymore cos yr last messages were so hurting.. <br />
<br />
However, just when I am forcing myself to move on... FB juz automatically popped up the messages again... <br />
<br />
I am tempted to read them again...<br />
It still hurts... <br />
<br />
But I refused to explain to you... <br />
In some part over the world, I know you might b hurting just as bad... <br />
<br />
I wanted so much to say sorry too but I can't...I really can't...

You did the right thing and time will pass maybe he will be a friend one day

While I am hurting so badly now, I can't confide to anyone... <br />
<br />
Instead, I am consoling someone's misfortune...Am I that strong? <br />
<br />
Well, I handled my 15years of marriage alone...so what's so scary about being alone? <br />
<br />
I always knew...I have to b alone somehow...

I felt so scared...so lost now...<br />
<br />
U left me empty when u left...It's like...I lost a person whom I can lean on...<br />
<br />
No one saw the pain I am going through...I am always putting a cheerful self in front of others...There is no one who will understand how I felt...cos it's a sin to have an affair...<br />
<br />
To me, LOVE does not mean everything in the world...I wasn't hunger for any attention...But I do not want to be sad my whole life....<br />
<br />
I kept thinking...Am I kidding myself that I need only a soulmate?<br />
<br />
My tears still flowed freely while I type this...however, you will never know how I felt...<br />
I am so used to being the one to harbor all the hurt alone all these years...<br />
<br />
I wanted so much to call you...to tell you that there will never be another guy anymore...I was worried that you were too upset and I wish to tell you the truth...<br />
BUT, how about myself? You said you will not bother abt me anymore...<br />
<br />
I tried to think of all the hurtful things u said...N I wanted to hate you so much...<br />
Well, I am probably a weakling cos...I am worried about you feeling more hurt then to care about myself...

It can be so hard to do the right thing and so easy to do the wrong one. You did the right thing if you feel that strongly about it and if he was being so mean, then he is showing you there is another side that you would have found in a bad situation. You will be able to talk yourself out of this and you will feel better,

Tks alot for your comforting words...

A part of me still hope that he will call n says he is sorry and let's be friends again...

Another part of me...I hope he really vanished n I will hate him to forget him instead...

I am still too hurt to think properly.....

I have been in a situation where his behavior made me crazy and when I saw him a few days ago I realized I was over him. I STILL want him to call and say he is sorry, but I just don't care now if he does or doesn't. You will get there too!

I rejected the affair because I like him.... <br />
I will miss him<br />
I miss him enough not to make his life more miserable than it already is. <br />
I will always hold him close in my heart. ALWAYS! <br />
<br />
He can said the nastiest words...but I simply refused to accept that he meant it....<br />
My tears just flowed at this time of the nite when I missed him the most....

Thanks for all who cared...<br />
<br />
It took 5 years to build a close friendship but it took him a few days just to destroy it...<br />
<br />
I do still think of him...but why should I?<br />
<br />
I tried to b understanding of his feelings for me..but when he chose to let go of even our friendship...I probably meant nothing to him too...His accusation was hurting...It stabs through my heart to hear him calling me names....<br />
<br />
Maybe I was so wrong abt liking him too....If I had a magic wand, I wish that this emotional affair did not even happen...<br />
<br />
Anger n disappointment is not a good excuse to hurt someone you 'love'....<br />
<br />
I should learn to accept all his heartless actions so I can stop thinking of him....

Keep talking with friends. "Take care of business", dear person.

Thanks for the comment on my story. How long can it go on? 5 years is a long time to have only pain and heartache in the end. I am so moved by your story. I hope that each day gets better.

Sometimes when I hurt too much..<br />
I become so NUMB..<br />
<br />
He didn't understand...He does not have to understand anymore...<br />
<br />
When u said all the hurtful things..<br />
Was this even LOVE?

I told myself...I should cry n forget about everything... <br />
<br />
I told myself...I should be glad that you decided to break the friendship... <br />
<br />
I told myself...I can live without you... <br />
<br />
However...I still miss you so much...

:( awe....

However sad it is...No one will b around to share my deepest inner secrets anymore...<br />
<br />
The only time I could cry was when everyone was asleep at nite...<br />
<br />
I know he is hurting too...but I just need him to understand how I feel...

I'm sorry you are hurting. You did the right thing. Hopefully, when he gets over the hurt pride, he will realize that.

Thanks for th comfort...twinklinstar..<br />
<br />
He is 5 years younger than me...He probably needs more time to understand the whole issue...He felt I was toying with his feelings...<br />
<br />
How hurt can it be from such a close friend?

This nearly tore my heart out i can feel you through your words and honestly i wish you couldve explained it to him that all you wanted is to have him for lifetime and not just for the comfort for a short while.