Help, This Is Not Good

Crap sticks My current man, partner whatever has been busy a lot which is fine since I'm so introverted that I don't need to spend a lot of time with him. Now he's working everyday and often is just too physically tired I guess to pay much attention to me. I'm afraid I'm growing apart from him but I know we'll meet up and stuff again most likely.
Problem lies with the guy friend that's hanging out with me again. He came into the picture somewhat recently. He's giving me more attention than my boyfriend. He's a little less busy I guess. I hate myself for not being 100% loyal in this serious relationship. Nothing physical has happened. We don't even say anything inappropriate with each other like "I love you" or stuff like that. I don't know what lovers/cheating people say to each other. But I think I'm having an emotional affair with him. We talk a lot. We share a lot of personal stuff with each other. I have always been open with all my friends men or women, sharing personal stuff. I don't know why it just feels different when I share with him. He amuses me I guess more than the others? He goes out of his way for me in ways I don't think other friends would. Sometimes I think he's trying to get close to me but at same time knows it's inappropriate. He texts me when I don't for a long time. He wants me to talk about things that bug me. He'll buy me lunch sometimes but friends do that. (God I'm rationalizing.) Maybe I'm just bored and imagining things. I'm not going to cheat physically on my boyfriend. I know that.
I can't describe this pain or ache I feel in my chest and stomach. I know it's emotional. I have no words to describe it. Will this ever go away? I've tried to not hang out with him, put limits on stuff. I hate this. I don't want to be a bad person. I obviously I don't care enough to stop having these thoughts. I've always found feelings to be misleading. So who knows what's going on.
Help please.
NotApplicable NotApplicable
22-25, F
Nov 27, 2012