What Now?

This is weird for me cuz I have nerver spoken of it.. But I think it will do me good.. So here it goes.
I should start by saying that Im married going on 6 yrs. He is a good man .. He's just not very emotional or romantic... I on the other hand am.. The first couple of years I tried getting him to understand that an "I love you" or a " you look beautiful" would be nice to hear but nope not his thing.. Anyways 3yrs. Into my marriage one of my ex contacted me.. Even tho we had a nasty break up we always cared for each other n we both new it.. We have known each other since we where freshmen in HS. At first I convinced myself it was ok to tlk to him cuz we where just old friends.. Then I noticed I was staying up late just waiting for a txt or an email. we have the best conversations. I can tell him anything and he is always willing to listen. Yes we do flirt with each other on occasions but that was always a normal thing for us. The thing is I don't think he sees me as anything else then a friend.. Im sure thats a good thing. So what now.. How do I break it off .. Do I tell him I think Im starting to like him a little too much.. Or am I just confussed.. I'm so lost.. :(
Lachiki Lachiki
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

I can relate! I am asking these same questions right now.

Have you been in contact with him for 3 whole years? That makes this even more difficult to just "end", and to figure out HOW to end it. The way I am trying to see it in my situation is: If my husband were reading all of my communications with my "friend", would he feel uncomfortable with it? Am I keeping this a secret from my husband? Do I think I can be fully invested in my marriage while I am spending so much time on this other relationship? Do I WANT to end it (even though it might be really difficult).

Someone said to me that it's so easy to have a relationship with someone other than your spouse because you only see certain aspects of that person. If you were living with him, you would have all of the distractions of daily life, bills, kids, etc, plus you would see all of the parts of him that are less than desirable (think, dirty socks on the floor every single day, etc.). But while you are contacting him in secret, you don't have any of the negatives. This is not a real relationship, and you can't possibly see it objectively.

If you really want to end it, consider sitting your husband down and letting him read all of the stuff you have been writing back and forth. When you feel completely awful and humiliated about it and see if it hurts him, this may be the motivation you need to end it for real, and to put some serious time into making your marriage relationship work (counseling, date nights, finding a hobby together, things like that). That is, if your hubby still wants to make it work.