Written on December 20th, 2009
let me just start by saying that a friendship can cross boundaries and become so much more in the blink of an eye. a lot of times you may not realize what is or was going on until its too late. I have been married to my childhood sweetheart for almost 5 years. i had a relationship with the guy that im now having this emotional affair with for about 10 months during my senior year of high school. we remained friends and still talked regularly. I thought about him everyday and missed him like crazy. I was very much in love with him then and still am today. after graduation i began a relationship with my husband. we moved in together and before either of us knew it we were expecting our first child and then our second. me and jp still talked everyday. he was my best friend. when he told me that he was getting married i lost it. it was like my world came crashing down all around me and thats when i realized that our relationship was way more serious than just friends. i told jp that we couldn't continue with our relationship/friendship. there were too many people inolved and too many would be affected by the outcome. this past year my husband had a full blown affair for about 6 months. it drove me absolutely crazy. i couldn't eat, sleep, think,...nothing! i lost 45lbs in a matter of months. i was lost, broke, pretty much homeless and didn't have a job! i needed someone to talk to so bad. i finally gave in and called jp. he was going through a divorce and we just started talking a little, then before long it was everyday, and then it was everyday all day. before long we started going places together and spending as much time together as we could. my husband has finally realized that we aren't getting back together. i feel horrible for what has happened with me and my husband but for now i've got to do what makes me happy and gets me through the days and when im not with him, he is all i can think about. i am so in love with him...and i don't know where i would be at without him. our relationship went from being friends to more before we knew what was happening and even then we were both in denial. we didn't understand why we were having to defend our friendship to everyone. neither one of us realized what was going on until the boundaries had been crossed and it was too late. i was so in love with him that i wouldn't give him up to save my marriage. so much was goin through my head cause everything was crystal clear for the first time. i couldn't believe it. i still think about it all and laugh at how obvious it was to everyone except for us. believe it or not my relationship with jp has not been sexual at this point. it has been 5 wonderful months with him and the thought has crossed both of our minds and is sometimes overwhelming. we live in a small town so we deal with the daily gossip and hear everyones opinions but mostly we get to laugh. through all of it i have learned a very valuable lesson. "never make someone your everything when your only and option to them."
