Whats Wrong With Me?

i know i talk alot about my boyfriend but that seems to be my main issue with myself other than my panic disorder. we've been together a year now, and he's a wonderful guy...so what's wrong? i don't know. i've always gotten bored with men after awhile. i want to fight, i want drama, i want them to fight for me. I dont know how i got like that. my past loves have always kind of been bad boy types. this man is good and kind to the bone. he's taken me to vegas, he always treats me to dinners, buys me stuff, flowers etc... fixes my car, puts gas in etc... you get the picture . his head is on so straight and his goals and ambition are beyond human. sounds too good to be true doesnt it?? lol so why is he not good enough for me??? I must be nuts!! i hit the one year mark with the good ones and i start nit picking and finding fault. my 2nd husband who emotionally abused me, i would've stayed forever because i was apparently so in love with him. (ya right). this man grounds me and provides me with every emotional support i could possibly want... yet... i don';t know what to do or how to fix the way i think about him. i know i cant lose him i would regret it the rest of my life...

prettyinpink prettyinpink
46-50, F
8 Responses May 14, 2007

I have anxiety problems as well. At times I'll have those panic attacks and the world around you seems to change, including your perspective. I do the same things with men, push them away as it gets comfortable. Once you've been in an abusive relationship, the strain of the stress, the controversy, etc reprograms you as far as relationships go. I grew up being abused by my dad and watching my brothers get the worst of it. My father never cared for us and let us know. I started trying to find what my dad couldn't give me in relationships. I survived an abusive marriage as well. I have a low patience level, low self esteem level, etc. I find the little things and make it WWIII to push them away. One suggestion I have is to find an activity that can help you channel those feelings so when you get home, you can look at him and find all the good things that make him, good, sexy, interesting.

Choose the looser, and you will have no problem getting rid of him. Choose the looser and you do not have to work on yourself. Choose the losser and you do not have to get close and truly intimate. Choose the losser and you can fight him and fight yourself. <br />
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Talk with Dr. Laura. She would tell yu that you have a fixation or have gotten into a rut and a few sessions with her would help to get you out of it. <br />
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Good luck, <br />
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It seems women are attracted to "outlaws" - it's more exciting but when the chips are down the outlaws are just that. A nice, boring guy is a real catch.

Sounds to me like this is your first experience with a nice one...and you dont know how to live in that world. You lived with the opposite for too long.<br />
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I can realte...different circumstances...but golly can I relate.<br />
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Keep telling yourself ....this is real...this is real

On the bright side, There are few "Good Guyz Ya can't entice over ta the Dark Side" at least for a wee bit a fun. Try cookies and Yaz considerable feminine charms. Works for me! Er-r--r well it would, if I was...<br />
LoL<br />

Ive had a bad boy an a good guy, not many relationships lol but...please try and "have a word with yourself" yeah, theres something about a bad boy...but theres something very special about a good guy! good luck x

I agree with the first comment. I think that sometimes we get used to being with the loser types and when we finally get someone normal we don't know what to make of it. Its almost like the normalcey of a good person becomes a shock to us because we are so used to the opposite behavior. Give yourself some time on this one. You just have to get used to being with a nice guy for a change and not one of the bad boys! Does this make sense? I have been through this myself and I realized I was able to love him!

Be Gentle & Patient with yourself. It will all unfold. It's not your fault. We don't control who we fall in love with. Our heart has a mind of it's own.<br />
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Take good care