itss like sometimes i want to load up on dilaudids and take a hammer to slam against every bone in my face so that maybe, just maybe it would be recontructed into something better.

Yea, its bad.

I have had people tell me I am not ugly, but yea right.
I have several scars on my hands that are a results of this huge mirror I broke.

Itss reeally bad.

And I do not know what to do.

Itss on my mind 77% of the time.
I have tried praying but all God does is tells me he loves me the way he made me.

oh joy!

i've been told that, you know, I shouldn't care what people think and yadda yadda yadda; But that'ss the thing, I do not give a flying fukc what others think. I think I am ugly and I can not get over it.

I think I have become obsessed. -With ways to change my face. And I am terrified that I will do something stupid to achieve this.

I'm not stupid though. I am actually very intellectual, I just can not get over my hideousness.
I am actually pretty self confident in all other areas and people that I know and am always around have no idea I am so conflicted over this. They think I am just bullshxting and begging for attention.
Or worse, they ask why.... WELL GEEZE, I DON FUKCING KNOW!
So I stopped trying to confide in people who just don't get it and never will. Now I'm stuck dealing with this myself.

I just hope I do not do anything stupid.
dooWUttChAlyk14 dooWUttChAlyk14
18-21, F
4 Responses Jul 7, 2010

I'm sure you'll find someone.... just don't give up looking.<br />
And another thing is you're young, and at our age its hard to find someone mature enough to realize that it's not all about looks.<br />
<br />
<br />
On the other hand,<br />
With me its more of a personal battle, <br />
because frankly I couldn't care less about how people think I look.<br />
Alot of the time they think I look fine, however that may be.<br />
But I, myself, can't stand the sight of myself.<br />
<br />
I want to be gorgeous in my own perception.

well I am happy you found a way to get out of that situation, man! <br />
<br />
And its great you have the strength to move on with your life! <br />
You can do anything, remember that!!!!<br />

i to have lack of confidents in myself probably from what my mom did to me.and thanks for you comments on my story with how my mom spanked me in front of people .yes i'm free of her im in foster care one of my cousin told on my mom.i thanked her for telling on my mom.i still see her at school i still go to the same school district.so i do get to see some of my family there

sorry for the profanity. i promise i am not too ignorant to find other words, it just ****** me off is all!!!!