Dudeitss like sometimes i want to load up on dilaudids and take a hammer to slam against every bone in my face so that maybe, just maybe it would be recontructed into something better.
Yea, its bad.
I have had people tell me I am not ugly, but yea right.
I have several scars on my hands that are a results of this huge mirror I broke.
Itss reeally bad.
And I do not know what to do.
Itss on my mind 77% of the time.
I have tried praying but all God does is tells me he loves me the way he made me.
i've been told that, you know, I shouldn't care what people think and yadda yadda yadda; But that'ss the thing, I do not give a flying fukc what others think. I think I am ugly and I can not get over it.
I think I have become obsessed. -With ways to change my face. And I am terrified that I will do something stupid to achieve this.
I'm not stupid though. I am actually very intellectual, I just can not get over my hideousness.
I am actually pretty self confident in all other areas and people that I know and am always around have no idea I am so conflicted over this. They think I am just bullshxting and begging for attention.
Or worse, they ask why.... WELL GEEZE, I DON FUKCING KNOW!
So I stopped trying to confide in people who just don't get it and never will. Now I'm stuck dealing with this myself.
I just hope I do not do anything stupid.