I Don't Think I Am Ugly, I Am UglyI'm an ugly guy. I'm 34 and I've only had five girlfriends my entire life. I usually go about 2 or 3 years between the time my last relationship ends and I can find a woman desperate enough to give me the time of day. I once went 7 years without sex, without any human intimate contact (no hugging, holding hands or kissing a woman) and it completely destroyed my self confidence. I have never recovered from the crushing loneliness I felt during those seven years without anyone.
I'm ugly because I have pitted scars all over my face, even one right on the end of my nose. It looks disgusting, and women treat me like I'm a leper. I've tried expensive laser resurfacing, extremely painful chemical peels, and all kinds of creams and ointments. Nothing helps. I even have ugly gap-teeth, which I had braces for TWICE, but my teeth just go back to their ugly gap-toothed places as soon as the braces come off. I'm short (5/8) and women ignore men who are shorter than 5/11.
What really, really hurts me very deeply is that I'm a beautiful person on the inside. After spending so much of my adult life alone, I've learned to cook and clean, I know how to fix cars and plumbing and small appliances, and I even worked on being a good communicator, thinking that having a good personality would "make up" for my ugly face and short stature. It doesn't.
Years ago, I thought that doing volunteer work would help me feel less alone, so I joined a volunteer group that helps children who are living in foster care facilities in Los Angeles. For a while, that helped me feel better about myself, but every time I met a woman who was volunteering with me, she treated me just like every other woman. It didn't matter that I was volunteering my free time to help other people, that I was intriguing and funny - she just saw my ugly face and ignored me. Eventually, doing all that volunteer work but still feeling impossibly lonely the rest of the time got to me and I gave up being helpful to strangers completely.
Now I just sit alone in my apartment. Sometimes I even go hungry for days because I'm too ashamed of how I look to go to the grocery store. I can't even go to a fast food restaurant because I know that people will stare at me.
I am ugly, and there is nothing I can do about it. Women won't even talk to me in public. I am so impossibly lonely.
DorkKnight 31-35 5 Responses 0 Feb 8, 2011