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Imperfect

When you see a crowd of people, you seem to spot only the attractive ones.. And i think that lots of people who think they are ugly feel that way because they are never these eye catching people. The ones that guys/girls will talk to just based on appearance. The sad thing is that they turn to the idea that they are ugly. I think i'm guilty of this. But the thing is, is that I'm okay. Sometimes, i'll look at myself and feel diguisted, sometimes, (under certain lighting) i'll look at myself and find myself really pretty. And it really makes me happier, as bad as it is. But its not really anyone's fault because society has based so much on the appearance of an individual. And so, everyone become insecure, and to feel better, bash on other people, making them feel ugly and degraded.

I can still never bring myself to say "i am pretty".. never. I think its because if i ever do, i means i've believed it, and that makes me easier to break when someone makes me feel ugly. and i'm not pretty, not to everyone, which makes my self confidence even more vulnerable. I'm not the typical ideal of beautiful in America. I don't have blonde perfect hair, blue eyes, and i'm not incredibly skinny. i have messy dark hair and wear purple contacts.

I've never had a boyfriend, is that weird for my age?

SpitshineCumfy SpitshineCumfy 16-17, F 4 Responses Apr 1, 2008

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Rather than trying to define what being "pretty on the inside" is, why not just picture what you would find attractive in a potential boyfriend, besides looks. What would keep you from getting bored with that person. I'd guess it would include sharing some tastes - music, movies, books, food; some interests - sports or politics or whatever; sharing a way of looking at the world whether it's through cynicism or laugher; maybe compatible life goals.<br />
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The length of the list depends of course on how serious and long term a relationship you're looking for.<br />
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Some of the most important things to me in a girl, beyond having some mutual attraction, are, knowing how to make each other laugh, being truly interested in each other's interests, and thoughtfulness. I've dated girls, one or two for a fairly long time, where we rarely laughed together or curled up on the couch for our favorite tv show, because we didn't have many overlapping tastes. And somehow I was never able to be happy in those relationships, even though both girls were great in many ways (nice, friendly, honest, loyal, …).<br />
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I guess I'm saying that there is no specific "beautiful on the inside" there is really only "mutual appreciation and affection", and for thousands or millions of people out there, some pairs are similar enough or compatible enough to be... compatible. Happy together.<br />
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Of course you may have to meet and get to know a lot of people to find one that is a good fit for both of you. Beautiful people, I think, have it easy, because so many people are drawn to them. For the rest of us.. well, it's harder work, and there are only so many other people that will be physically attracted to you/us enough that they're willing to check out the rest.

Thanks :] thats really nice. And you know, i tell myself that guys that are worth it will like you/me, a lot and i'm sure a lot of girls do that, but the hard part is that you can't know how 'pretty inside" someone is by just glancing at them, you know? And so you really have to be patient. And what qualifies as being pretty inside? not to be extremely cynical, but what does? being nice? or being interesting? because sometimes, i think people are only nice because they're boring and thats the only way someone will like them. Sorry for being cynical again, i really appreciate the comments, and its really, really, nice and feels good to know that there are people out there who are sincere and don't judge on only looks. But what if you're not that interesting? and people just get bored. Like my sister, she's the most optimistic, nice, unique person you will EVER meet. I'm telling you, there's no one else like her in the WORLD, and she's very nice but not the most attractive person. But her personality makes her 'cute' yet her boyfriend for a year and a half cheated on her. And maybe its because he got bored? <br />
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I also studied Sternberg's triangle of love. And he says that you need intimacy (bond), commitment, and passion (attraction) to have true love, or consummate love. What if there's no passion?<br />
But please don't get me wrong. I'm not extremely insecure or anything. Its just sometimes, things just really get you in the nerve. And it really hurts, as stupid as it sounds, to feel ugly sometimes. And it feels unhealthily nice to feel pretty sometimes. And a lot of these questions are just curiosity.. kind of asking why these things seem to matter so much and should they? or should they not?sorry if i'm confusing.

What Jarodkintz commented is true. Everything is not about looks. You have looks great. You don't. It's okay. We are all beautiful in our ways. Like a beautiful mind. <br />
Hey guys who just based a gal on looks. Well you will find out when a gal get older. Her looks will fade away but she had a brain and looks. She kept her brain. Just feel good about who you are. Don't let others tell you differently.<br />
Bless all

I remember Proust saying something like "Leave the pretty girls to the guys with no imagination."<br />
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I'm not saying you aren't pretty, because I have never seen what you look like. All I'm saying is the most valuable kind of guys, the intelligent ones, look for more than just looks. Focus on being pretty inside and you will find someone who will see that. <br />
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I believe that inner beauty really stands out among the masses. Physical beauty fades, but inner beauty is eternal.