I can't match this ideal.
Attractive, outgoing girl next door.
I can't match this.
Not even if I tried.
I feel too short.
My breasts aren't big enough.
I feel like my curly hair makes me look childish.
My glasses makes me feel like a nerd.
I feel like my background (half filipino/ethiopian) is too strange and odd. That's no one's ideal.
I feel too shy.
I am too self-deprecating. I shouldn't be.
But when these images of what I "should" be is being shoved down my throat and telling me who I am is not good enough...
I am swimming in a relentless sea
Of white men and their standards.
It's not like no guy has ever liked me... guys of all races have.
But for some reason, I still feel like they all assume that I am not attractive.
Of course it's a generalization... and not all guys have the same standards. I know that.
But when guys do think of the ideal girl for them...
I know they're not thinking of a girl that looks anything like me.
My closest friends tell me that I am beautiful, unique, smart, hilarious, silly, and honest. And usually (except for the beautiful part) I believe them too. But I need to start believing it myself.
Until I find my own way to the shore.
I'll keep on swimming.