Same Ol' Ugly Guy In The Mirror Seeking objective Feedback

Don't know where to begin but today, like many days before it, began with the depressing image of me in the mirror. At 40, I've let my weight get away from me, my hair seems determined to get away from me and the only positive is the smudge making the image less than perfectly defined. I have battled depression and low self esteem since I was 12, almost being able to point to the period when I became aware of my problem: my hideous face. I've seen too many counselors to count and taken all kinds of drugs but nothing has quenched the desire I have to be physically attractive. I am unwilling to accept the loving compliments from my great aunts and other family members affirming that I'm a "handsome young man" because they are biased. Plain and simple, they are incapable of being objective. From where would an objective opinion arise? An unsolicited whistle, some whispering and giggling after I walk by, being approached by someone in a club, innocent flirting, etc. I think those fair as they eliminate the bias introduced by getting to know me. I want to be physically attractive, not "butt ugly" that morphs into "okay" as people get to know me and have pity on me. So what of the objective measures? Nothing. I don't get attention anywhere outside of work, a place where people are forced to interact with me. What about my wife you say? I love her with all my heart but she has never convinced me that I am physically attractive. She married me because I represented a stable provider and fertile male not because I was attractive. Needless to say, that statement of fact infuriates her but deep down, I know the truth. I know I could improve my image marginally by losing weight and toning up but I'm smart enough to know that weight lifting does nothing to the face. I suppose I should get back on my medication!
1972guy 1972guy
41-45, M
2 Responses May 11, 2012

Hi. I read your story and just want to connect and say that I think you have an attractive face. I'm saying that honestly... so I hope you can take it in. I relate to your pain as I feel horrible about my appearance even though I know that I am not that bad looking... and esp. for my age but still I feel that way... it is devastating to my self esteem and makes me extremely depressed. I see so many others feeling this way and I wish we could all just meet and support each other. I know it is an attitude thing because I see people that are less attractive than me...but they are happy! I want to get to that place... do you? Lets keep in touch and support each other!

I don't think you're ugly. Hair tends to get away from alot of men. You're not alone in that. And wieght?? Dear, you're 40. I am 46. Big deal. I was a fitness buff for two decades and kept my wieght down and stayed fit. As luck would have it, my right hip went bad. I gained 40 pounds. I had it replaced and I am slowly coming back to myself. Try making YOU number one priority for a bit and see what happens. :)

Thanks for the feedback. I am trying to lose weight; I expect the exercise and the results will improve my self-image. Regrettably, it won't change my face.

There's nothing wrong with your face.