It's Impossible To Get Used To

I trick myself & tell myself everyday that it doesn't REALLY matter. But it does. It is the only thing I ever think about. No matter what the situation or conversation, I can always find a way to bring it back (in my mind) to how ugly I am.
My friends are only my friends because they look better, when they stand next to me.
It's pathetic. I'm pathetic.
I am at a total and complete loss of what to do. I can't go anywhere, I hate when people see me. I hate that if they happen to see me they're stuck for that nanosecond,with my image in their brain. No one should have to put up with that.
If I had the money I'd just fix myself with surgery but I'm a broke student.
All I can do is cover the mirrors and lock myself in my bedroom.
JennaMackenzie JennaMackenzie
3 Responses Aug 19, 2012

You think your life been miserable. I have lost my job because I went off (vocal not physical) on a supervisor for make a remark of how ugly I was. There’s a limit of what a person can take before the lid blow off. I went to a new high school, met a friend. He introduced me to some of his friends and the first thing that came out of one his friend’s mouth was,” how ugly I was”, then everyone else laughed. I shrug it off, but it set a stage of want was about to come the rest of my life. I was called a few more times in high school, because of this, I never went to school dances or any parties. I didn’t date in high school at all because of those remarks. Every time I got my confidence back, there was always someone out there to take it away. So, don’t tell someone, “You need confidence”. (This part is for the females out there only. When your boyfriend walks up to a person and tells them that their ugly. Don’t say to him be nice, walk out on him. . That is the worst thing you can say because, you’re indirectly confirming what he said. You know what kind of person he is now so why don’t you walk out on him). You people don’t keep saying on these web-sites “what’s inside that count” because it not). I’m now 50 and alone now. Hoping the world will end because if I have to go, I want everyone to come with me.

Hi Jenna,<br />
<br />
I understand how you feel. I even got plastic surgery to correct what I thought/perceived as a terrible nose. In the end, I wasn't happy (actually, I want my old nose back, the new one is nothing like I'd hoped and I realize plastic surgery can only do so much, it's not as perfect a solution as Hollywood would have you believe). <br />
<br />
I also try to tell myself that it doesn't matter. Honestly, I've seen a lot of ugly people be very happy, with handsome boyfriends/husbands, no less! I have also seen a lot of ugly people who are only ugly because they believe that it's so. I do not think ugliness is the end of the world. That said.... <br />
<br />
I know it is impossible to stop obsessing about how ugly you are (or feel) and that no matter what others tell you, you will be bothered by these feelings for the rest of your life. The only thing that seems to help me get my mind off my looks is to achieve in other ways --academics, work, artistic pursuits. I believe that if you can find something besides looks that makes you like and respect yourself, other people will see more good in you than you can ever see in yourself. I also believe that it is important to find true friends. This is probably the hardest thing to do. The nasty truth is that most people are jealous of their pretty friends and secretly look down on/laugh at their ugly friends. Isn't that the harshest human truth? <br />
<br />
I hope that one day you will find peace in some way. I know that the pain of feeling ugly can tear you apart sometimes. It can make food lose its taste, the world lose its color. It can stop you from going out and living. But I think its a daily struggle that needs to be fought. Don't give up.<br />
<br />

I completely understand I just made my personality way better so people don't think of my looks but I think once u find someone that loves u u won't even think as much about ur looks

Thanks for the support. Unfortunately that kind of thing isn't in the cards for me, it will never be my reality. But I appreciate the time you took to post :)